OK-I posted here in 99 during my divorce. My h had an affair and is still with this girl. He says he is not happy and will never marry her.

So I went on with my life and found what I thought was a really great guy and we dated for almost a year. I thought it was serious. Last night he broke up with me to see someone else. But he still cares. I am heartbrokes, sick, sad and alone. I went to the Dr on Tues and got back on meds for Anx/depresion. I want to call him and ask why? But I think that this would just drive him further away than he is.

Ok-then I call my ex and talk to him about the whole thing. He gives me some really good advice and says he also still cares about me. WTF?? I asked him why we got divorced then. He said I don't know, but I don't want to talk about this right now. It's not the right time, obviously. Please guys I need some comfort and and advice. Please help me!

I'm certainly not a person to give advice, considering my own mess, but I will.:) I think you shouldn't talk to EITHER of them right now. Plan A your boyfriend. Heck, plan A them BOTH. Let them both see how busy you are in your own life. Give yourself some time.

SuesE73,

The advice that I have for you is to stop bouncing off of these guys and reacting. Period.

Any relationship activity that takes place before M exists for purposes other than just “hanging out”. We don’t pay all that much attention to it unfortunately.

Maybe your BF is telling you that he will DO THIS same thing years in advance if you were to marry him eh?

Maybe your XH said something to you like that because he sees a weak point in your life to strike?

After 8 years you might even be considered “strange” again to him.

But you should care less about what they want to do and focus on you.

Being single is the RIGHT TIME to be exceedingly selfish if that is going to be a part of your life. Indulge yourself in working on yourself; figure out who you are.

Breath slowly.

Listen intently.

Pay attention to all the detail in your life.

I have a philosophy of never moving backwards when you can move forwards. While going in reverse may seem appealing because you have covered the same territory before, you are still doing it while looking in a REAR VIEW MIRROR.

IF you were to entertain any sort of friendship with your XH my first question to him would be “what have you done to work on yourself?”, immediately followed by “what changes have occurred in you that would allow me to trust you again?”.

I’m sorry for your pain, please keep up with the meds and don’t forget to eat well.

I co-sign on what Plank wrote to you.

Pardon my French but it seems like your XH is doing a serious mind-bender. You should dismiss it as a "nice to hear, but far from the truth" kind of comment.

Forget about the other guy, too...start concentrating on you, and building yourself up. You've got so much to look forward to!

Sues,

Plank gave you great advice. Count yourself lucky that you have found out about BF before marriage. I know this is hard but move on, there are better men out there, and clearly men that would treat and value higher than your exH or exBF.

By the way, what was your posting name back in the day?

God Bless,

JL

Thanks for the advice guys.

I honestly don't remember what my name was back then. My memory seems to have left me some time ago.

I feel like I am on a roller coaster. I feel sad, depressed, then anxioux and I cry. After all that I feel better for a little while.

It is just so hard because I though bf was serious. Talk about me moving in-hints about marriage. It turns out that he was just really smooth I guess. I am doing my best to move on, but I have all these thoughts racing. I feel sick.

I know I sound weak and I hate it. Any good advice on how to control emotions and get through this??

Ex and I have continued to be friends throughout the years. We are both different people today than we were back then. We have apoligized for the hurt we caused each other and now-well-we are friends again.

Here is the main thing, I am AFRAID to be alone. WHY? I don't know. I need help here. I went to counseling on Friday and she said I needed to grieve for lost relationship then figure out why I am so afraid.

I think low self esteem-or maybe anxiety and depression play a part too? I think silly things like I will be alone for the rest of my life. Not very proactive, I know.

Any help you guys can give me will be greatly appreciated.

I am returning his stuff to his mom today because I can't stand the thought of having to see him in person. I am still so hurt and rejected. I feel just like I did when my xh said he was done and found someone else. I need some comfort. I know I got through this once and I have to do it again, but, man it sure does hurt.

Work on yourself. Being afraid to be alone is a problem, because all through your life there are times when you will be alone. Continue the counseling, and meds. That should help. It probably has something to do with your self-esteem - that you need someone else to validate you. The best thing right now is being alone, although it may be very painful.