How do all of you deal with the emotional, mental, and almost physical pain of knowing that your husband or wife is having an affair and still be able to conduct a plan A?

I considered what the OTHER OPTION was and it FELT no better.

THE OTHER OPTION? Giving up..handing my H over to the OW on a SILVER PLATTER...

If there was a chance that PLAN A would work..and it eventually did..I was willing to BEAR IT...

I began to BUILD UP ALL MY RESOURCES...including MY FAITH IN GOD..MBers...anything that I could think of to hold on and to do THE PLAN...

What's your story, Diana?

Diana49 -- Believe me when I say I feel your pain! It seems like plan A to me is a battle with myself for self-control. I need God to help me with this!

Sometimes I try to 'fix' the problem all by myself and mess it up!


Mimi_here, (help us both)

When you get a chance tell me how plan A worked for you!

I don't want to 'steal' time away from Diana49's thread!

Please drop a line on my thread:
Plan A - Line Drawn??? by swade88

I need a word of encouragement and hope for continuing plan A.

I am going on month 2 of plan A this week. It has been a little "rollercoaster ride" according to my WW.

I've been sort of lurking here and asking hypothetical questions trying to deal with my own pain but now it's time to explain what I am going through and I hope to get some help.

Before I get started, I want everyone to realize that I want this relationship to work. I don't want to hear from any nay sayers. I need help just like the other posters.

I have been married for a little over a year. We have children but not together. He travels extensively and has met someone in another state. He knows that I know about her but he is still involved with her. He says she is just somebody to spend time with when he is there.

We've only been married a year but we've been together longer than that. I've been reading the basic concepts and reading the articles. I've also been keeping up with some of the posters...Bugsmom, Mortarman, etc. I know that this message board has been a Godsend for so many people and I am hoping you will help me too.

I'm trying to Plan A and not LB but I find myself slipping when I know where he is at. I just don't know how so many of you do this. It is so very difficult, it hurts and friends don't understand why I tolerate it. I love him and he is a good man. Please help me to stop LBing him.

How old are you two?

How often he is away working in the other state?

We are both 49 and he is in the other state about once a week.

I've been reading the Mortarman series about the Christian roles of husbands and wifes. I am trying to be as a Christian wife should be but it is sooo hard.

So why do you think that you are not like most newlyweds..not wanting to be apart?

Why is he talking to someone else while he is there? How can he so boldly say this to ya?

Have you read up on PLAN A regarding EMOTIONAL NEEDS?

What improvements do you feel that you need to make in developing YOUR PLAN?

He's not just talking to her...he's sleeping with her...I found out about it on my own and he didn't dispute it. I have been reading about the emotional needs and I feel like I already meet his top 5. My problem is that when I get upset, I start nagging, crying, arguing...just kind of all over the place emotionally.

Did this start right after you got married?

He was "in love" with you enough to get married to you less than a year ago.

What has changed about you?

What do you get upset about?

What are you doing to change this now?

What are those top 5 Needs that you are referring to?

What needs are the OW meeting then?

Mutual friends (at least I thought they were mutual friends) told him they had a female friend (that he and I are both acquainted with) that wanted to meet a man just like my WH (he is very romantic). He started talking to this OW (she knows we are married and doesn't seem to care), this just started about 2 weeks ago. The OW is already professing love for my WH. I feel so betrayed...by my WH, the OW, and my former friend. The pain in my heart and stomach is ripping me apart.

I have been insecure in our relationship and was needing constant reassurance from my WH that he loved me, he didn't like this facet of my personality. I have been working on it. I was calling him several times a day to the point of annoying him....now I wait for him to call me.

I get upset about the betrayal of trust and the fact that he doesn't feel like he is doing anything wrong. He says that men are capable of loving more than one woman and that he still loves me. He says that he gets lonely when he is on the road. He is a truck driver and he is adamant that he will not change his profession.

His top 5 needs are SF, admiration, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support....and open, honest communication (at least it was until this happened).

I feel like that since his relationship with the OW is so new that she is probably meeting the same needs as me. But also because it is new, he has that new relationship energy going with her. He hasn't had a chance to see any "bad" to her.

I feel so hurt over all of this. The last time we made love, I tried to push the thoughts to the side but I wasn't able to succeed. I'm sure he probably felt the difference in out love making.

One more thing that you might need to beaware of, my WH was a psychology major (he was one class short graduating with a degree in pychology). He has spent most of his life studying people...sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. He said he studied psychology for self serving purposes...he wanted to figure out how to get women and he has always been very good at it. I can understand how this OW would be in love with him...he really is that good...he knows how to make a woman feel great.

Please help me.

Help me!

Help me!

bump