I don't really know how to write this, so I'll just write. My wife of 9 years (June 6th was anniversary), decided to leave, as she said she needed some space, wasn't 'in love' with me anymore, and has assumed the non-custodial parent role. Our children now live with me, and in our 'Separation Agreement', she told me that she wanted to incorporate the statement of "On major holidays and events, Husband will have the children, unless otherwise negotiated."

She has alot of past issues that she hasn't dealt with, and I get the feeling she's running away from me because she doesn't want to deal with them. I'm not a perfect person, and neither is she, we've both said and done things we are both sorry for (especially over the past month before she moved out) and we've both apologized and forgiven each other for those things - yet she still moved out - throwing in the towel - so to speak.

I spoke to my sis-in-law (her sister) last night for about 2 hours - she's also gone through a divorce - and has told my wife that if she (Sister) had known what she does now, that she would have worked on her marriage instead of attempting life on her own with her two boys. My SIL gave me some insight to my wife's problems before our marriage, and alot of the info I had before we got married was just the icing on the cake.......never truly realized before last night that the cake underneath was spoiled and bad. I wish I could help my wife make a new cake - but she doesn't want that.

I love my wife just as I love my children - unconditionally. It hurts me to think that she may never come back, but I know that God will help me through this awkward stage in life - through the grief and pain - not just for myself, but for my children, and hopefully my wife.

I would recommend that you post this in the General Question II area. There seems to be more than meets the eye with this, and the GQII section has plenty of experts that can help you out with this. My money would be on that your wife is having an affair.

Agreed. Her not wanting to have the children over holidays is a big red flag that she could be involved in an affair.

Read this entire site for good advice. Keep in mind that Plan A won't work if there is mental illness, abuse or addiction.

Make sure the children get all the help and support you can give. Family counseling may be helpful because you can learn how to productively handle your pain in front of the children. The fringe benefit is that if your wife decides to come back to you, you've already established the family counseling routine, so that it's easier to position counseling in an appetizing way. And from what you say, your wife probably needs some help.

Also, check out EN. There are some people there dealing with past issues including abuse and sexual abuse from when they were children. I don't know how many of those threads are still on the top but you could search.