Like many newbies, I have been lurking and reading on this site for awhile (nearly 2 months.) My story sadly is not different from most, but here goes...
My WH and I have been married for 8 years. We met in college in 1985 and were best friends before we became romantically involved in 1988. We have survived two brief break-ups (pre-marriage) and a long distance relationship when we were in graduate schools in different cities after graduating from college.
On Holy Thursday, WH tells me that he has been unfaithful to me since 11/06 first EA then PA with OMW who is also married with three teenage sons. I hear the usual stuff: "I love but I am not in love with you, I haven't been happy for years, I don't feel anything other than loving frienship for you, I have found the love of my life" yada, yada, yada. He also says he wants a divorce so he and OW can be together in martial bliss. I was devastated. Over the next few days I learned out how deceptive and maniputaltive he was in having this A--then it scared me to think I had known WH for this long and did not know he was capable of this behavior. Then on Easter Sunday, he wants to come back on work on our marriage. He contacts her on 4/20 and on 4/28 he tells me that he needs space to think things out and is going to stay with some friends of ours (you all know the real deal -- OW has moved out of her home and gotten her own apartment that same weekend). During this period we go to one MC session, which went well for both of us. I am continuing IC--he was also in IC with another C, but I don't know if that will continue noew that he has moved out.
On 5/8, he calls in tears wanting to come home, says he loves me and realizes he did not put any effort in trying to repair things between us. He promises no contact (atlhough he refused to write a letter--wanted to do it in person--please don't laugh I now know how stupid I was to fall for that!
Moves on 5/11 (I was out of town when he called on 5/8 and he could not get back in the house since I changed the locks when he moved out in April.) I Plan A my bottom off, and he notices (because he tells me) but he is still distant and uncommunicative.
Broke no contact promise on 5/18. I found out on 6/12 by snooping, and this time he did an NC phone call. Last Wed night he tells me he does not have what is needed to repair our marriage even though he does not want to lose me completely. He has decided to move in with OW and left to be with her that night. He hopes that at some point we can be friends. Today he came back to take everything he owns and the things I have agreed to let him have to her apartment.
I have already seen an attorney about protecting myself (my main goal is to get the house which so far he has said he will let me have because it is the right thing to do and he cannot afford it anyway.) I have protected my finances and I am blessed that I will do fine even with his departure.
I have exposed to everyone significant to him--my family, his family (they have been so supportive and loving to me and have tried to convice my WH of the error of his ways!), his employer, and a few close friends. I did not need to expose to OWH since he was the one who discovered the A. However, he and I stay in contact and have worked together to bust up this A--he wants his WW back and until Wed I wanted my WH back too.
As I look back on our marriage, I see the areas we went off track--independent lives, disrepectful judgements, lack of communication, little SF as the years passed. I also think he had major problems with the fact that made A LOT more money that he did, although I never threw it up in his face--my view was we were married and what was mine was his and vice versa--it did not matter how much either of us made because it all went into the "martial pot".
I was more than willing to change my ways and be the kind of wife I could be. But WH refuses to try. He says he only feels guilt and pain now when he thinks of or sees me, despite my reassurances that I can forgive him and want to work to trust him again and make a new and better M with him. It's funny, while he was with me, the only ENs he would let me fill without hestitation was FS.
He also allowed a little affection and admiration.
At this point, I don't know what to do. Since he's moved in with OW I think we are past Plan A. So is it Plan B or Plan B on the fast track to Plan D? I am willing to save this marriage, but I can't do it alone and I am tired of all the lies, deception and selfishness.
Any insight and advice is welcome and appreciated. Thanks to everyone.