Dear Suzet and Believer, thanks so much for the reading materials. Was digesting it slowly over the weekend. Went away for a short trip with WH right after his last day. Didn't want him to sulk at home. He tried to put on a front for me, trying to smile at me when he saw me looking at him, trying not to look so depressed etc. Trying is the key word here because he is not very successful. I can tell that his mind is totally not with him or me. He will go blank and stare for a long time or he will let out very long sigh... He will also (when he cannot help it) made some very biting remarks towards me. I know he is in withdrawal so I just let it go and not push him further. However, it does hurt like ****** to know that he is missing her so much and he probably wished that it was HER that was on this trip with him instead of me. I know even till the last day he had tried to contact her, sending her sms to apologize and wish her all the best, wanting her to forgive him for bringing all the pain and suffering to her (for spoiling her reputation eventhough she did all the right things like stopping the A and being just his 'friend' etc), writing her a sorry letter, calling her etc. But the OW kept to her promise or at least I would like to think so. Either she didn't respond at all (which will account for his withdrawal symptoms) or he deleted her reply.

In any case, I keep telling myself to let go and move on. It's a pity now that my health is still not quite up to it else I would like to go do some sports to keep my spirits up. But I have been faithfully taking my medicine and the anti-Ds to keep depression away. I don't know if I should be doing this but I find myself mentally preparing for plan B. I keep asking myself if after say 2-3 months, if he asked to resume contact with her or if he asked me to help explain to her that everything is ok between us and thus I can 'accept' their friendship now, what should I do then? I have stated my boundaries but I know in his foggy mind he refused to accept that NC is for life. So I find myself asking what should I do then?

Hang in there! Yes, it is very hard to know that he is missing the OW, and would probably have liked her to go with him on your little trip. He is mourning not having contact with her.

You need to be upbeat and calm. Withdrawal doesn't last that long. Come here to vent if you are going crazy.

I made the mistake of telling my WH not to come to me for comfort when he was missing the OW - that he got himself into the mess and could get himself out. Now we are DIVORCED.

Dear Jcool, if you have not yet read the withdrawal thread in my signature line, please do so.

Jcool, if your H would ask you to be friends with OW again, you should state to your H firmly again that NC for life is absolutely non-negotiable to you and one of your boundaries to stay married and recover with him. If he should not respect this boundary, then you should move to plan B. If you have a strong suspicion that he will not become accepting of this boundary permanently and keep it in place, you should mentally, emotionally, financially etc. start preparing yourself for plan B just for incase… In the meantime, continue a good plan A and continue to not be manipulated and controlled by your H. If he treats you disrespectfully, state to him calmly but firmly that his behavior is hurting you and not acceptable.

Please read this: Carrot and Stick of plan A (just click on the link).

Hang in there jcool and keep posting.

(((Hugs)))

First of all, I must really thanked esp believer and suzet for continuing their care and support for me. This forum is now my main source of comfort and direction for my current situation.

Some updates and dilemma...

I continued my snooping and found some very disturbing things. I think my WH is trying to find a 'replacement' for the OW. I found a bunch of 'farewell' pictures that my H took during his last few days at the office. Many of them consisted of a particular female colleague. Either the 2 of them will be hugging tightly or if it's a group photo, he will always be standing beside her holding her shoulder or waist etc. I have also found that they still communicate on a daily basis (up till today, after he left the company 4 days ago) via sms or MSN. I know he purposely kept those text messages for me to see because he knew I was snooping. Though the converations are still quite within 'limits' so far, he had started calling her 'darling' or 'dear' and trying to make it sound casual.

I think I know what he was trying to do. During one of our previous arguments, he said that he is capable of finding another woman if he really wants to but he choose not to and decides to stay with me and work on the marriage. So I should trust that he will not cross the line again. The reason he felt so bad about losing the 'friendship' with the OW is because though finding another woman is easy, finding a 'special' friend that he can easily confide in is not easy. Thus, it is not that he still has feelings for her but that he wanted to keep the 'pure and simple' friendship. I think he is trying to show me that he can move so close to 'the line' and be able to control himself so well that he will not cross it. Also, he is daring me to pick a fight with him about this female colleague so that he can strengthen his accusations of me being overly sensitive. Afterall, they are just 'friends' and thus I over reacted towards his 'friendship' with the OW too!

What should I do now? I have a strong feeling that he is still refusing to believe I really want NC for life. He hinted that I should be SO GRATEFUL that he stayed with me this time. I had previously disregard all these fog-induced remarks but I think the chances of me moving to a Plan B is very high... But with the current situation, he seems intent on taunting me about my boundary, should I start Plan B right away?

Jcool, how long are you in plan A now and do you think you’ve implemented it successfully? It does sound to me if you need to move to plan B very soon if your H doesn't stop this. I’m shocked that he is trying to find a “replacement” for the OW now and continues inappropriate behavior with this other woman too… I’m so sorry to hear this jcool… <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> NOW is the time to show your H again that you will not allow to be controlled, manipulated and disrespected by him this way...

Here is what I think you should to:

Tell your H what you've found and how disrespectful and hurtfull it is to you. Then make your boundaries on opposite sex friendship and interactions with the opposite sex (as I have suggested previously) very clear to your H e.g. that NC for life with the OW is non-negotiable; that you don’t want him to have any one-sided opposite sex friendships where you are excluded from the friendships and that you expect him from now on to act appropriately with work colleagues and acquaintances.

You need to decide what your own boundaries are; what you will tolerate and then communicate them to your H. Then give him a last chance to prove that he can respect your boundaries and tell him that you are giving him this last chance to demonstrate that he does cares for you enough to stop doing anything that hurts you. If he refuses to do it and still acts inappropriately; disrespectfull and label you as “over-sensitive”, it shows that he doesn’t care about your feelings and is not willing to do what it takes to A proof your M and then you can and should act accordingly e.g. making clear to your H that this is unacceptable to you (boundary issue) and that you’re going to move on with your life in that case. Then you can write him a plan B letter and move to plan B if he still refuses and/or you find out that his actions hasn't changed. (There are some examples of plan B letters on this website).

Jcool, I want to share with you a post MelodyLane posted to a BW who struggle with similar behavior from her H than you:

[color:"blue"] You can choose to live in a marriage that is vulnerable to affairs, where your H does not care or respect you or you can choose not to. The choice is entirely up to you. It all depends on what you are willing to settle for. [/color]

[color:"blue"]This is what you have to tell us. This is completely contingent upon what you are willing to tolerate.

I had a similar issue with my H about 4 yrs ago. He was a freeloader in our marriage [now a buyer]. I made a decision that I was not interested in settling for second best anymore and decided to move on. He suddenly rose to the challenge and changed the behavior that was threatening our marriage. He changed from a freeloader to a buyer because I made him come up with the purchase price. No more free rides from me.

However, if I had not been willing to protect my boundary and refuse to settle for less, I would still be GETTING LESS.

So, if you choose to settle for less, that is what you will get. If you put a higher price on yourself and give him the opportunity to pay it, I suspect he will pay it.

In other words, because I placed a higher value on myself, my husband does too NOW; I am valuable to him. He respects me much more and is willing to do the things necessary to demonstrate CARE in our marriage.[/color]

Underneath are the definitions Melody posted on freeloader, renter and buyer.

[color:"blue"] Freeloader is unwilling to put much effort into the care of his or her partner in a romantic relationship. He or she does only what comes naturally and expects only what comes naturally. It's like a person who tries to live in a house without paying rent or doing anything to improve it unless the person is in the mood to do so.

Renter is willing to provide limited care as long as it's in his or her best interest. The romantic relationship is considered tentative, so the care is viewed as short-term. It's like a person who rents a house and is willing to stay as long as the conditions seem fair, or until he or she finds something better. The person is willing to pay reasonable rent and keep the house clean but is not willing to make repairs or improvements. It's the landlord's job to keep the place attractive enough for the renter to stay and continue paying rent.

Buyer is willing to demonstrate an extraordinary sense of care by making permanent changes in his or her own behavior and lifestyle to make the romantic relationship mutually fulfilling. Solutions to problems are long-term solutions and must work well for both partners because the romantic relationship is viewed as exclusive and permanent. It's like a person who buys a house for life with a willingness to make repairs that accomodate changing needs, painting the walls, installing new carper, replacing the roof, and even doinf some remodeling so that it can be comfortable and useful.[/color]

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3280659

Jcool,

Just wanted to let you know that I think you are doing good. I am not happy to hear about these last incidents with your Xws' farewell pictures. Hm.....

You have identified your boundaries and it applies to ALL OPs. Clarify that with him. I did with mine. Yes, I said OPs then explained that it included anyone (OP - male or female). H was offended I would even consider him bi-sexual. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> He isn't but I told him that in his WS state of mind, I couldn't chance anything. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Basically I painted the picture one step worse and so he had to make is all better. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Do NOT back down on your boundaries. If he threatens getting another OW or having an easy time getting an OW, consider it a threat and resort to your back up plan immediately. Mine tried t/d the same. I told him, he can do what he pleased but that w/b outside our home and there w/b NO support for his attitude or A. This even meant him sleeping in his truck.

I have no tolerance for any type of a WS attitude. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Keep up the good work. You have some good supporters here posting to you (i.e. believer, Suzet, etc.). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> They are doing a great job.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Hi Suzet, I think I've been in 'real' Plan A ever since I started my anti-Ds, that should be about 2 weeks ago. I tried Plan A many times before since D day but I did so without stating my boundary (as you know I only managed to do that successfully quite recently) and I was in huge amount of pain, suffering and resentment that it often ended up in me losing more self esteem rather than accomplishing anything else. So, like I said, I think the 'real' Plan A started about 2 weeks ago. It was a very short time and I was not allowed to meet much EN since my WH was very much into withdrawal and prefers to be left alone rather than for example hear me say ILY. That is why I am a bit hesitant to go straight to Plan B because I don't think I did a good Plan A yet. At least not in his most painful stage of withdrawal where basically I am facing a stone wall everyday. I thought that if I can hang on and wait for example about 2-3 weeks, when hopefully the most painful stage for him is over, I can slowly draw him back and start some small talk. Right now, talking is kept to very minimal (because he didn't want to) and I cannot even bring up the subject of boundary at all. Perhaps I should try to write him a letter? I am really getting uncomfortable with his 'entitlement' attitute and I am afraid that if I waited too long, the now potentially EA will really progress into a real EA.

I have one other very realistic question too. If I move into a Plan B and ask him to move out, what if he simply refuse? Do I move out then? But it will make me suffer financially and I do not think I should be the one to move out. But what if he simply stay put? Should I move out irregardless so as to show him I can stand on my own?

Jcool, 2 weeks is short so I do think it will be helpful if you can stay in Plan A a little longer. However, plan A does not mean you can’t establish boundaries and communicate those boundaries (and hurt) with your H. You must do those things too. I think a letter is a good idea. Have you read the link to the Carrot and Stick of Plan A I posted to you in an earlier post? Make sure you implement all those things during plan A.

As I’ve suggested in an earlier post, you can also apply/combine the 180 degree strategy with your plan A, especially since your H is not open to your affections and declarations of love and act like a “stone wall” towards you. HERE is a link to the 180 degree again someone posted a while ago. It’s only guidelines, but it’s similar to what you've already instinctively start doing e.g. stopped saying "I love you" to your H and not acting clingy and needy towards him.

Jcool, I personally agree that ideally your H should be the one to move out when it comes to that and that he should be the one to suffer financial consequences and other consequences for his actions (and lack of actions), but unfortunately I don’t have knowledge and wisdom on this specific issue, so I hope veterans and experienced BS's will jump in soon to give you suggestions and opinions on this.

Take care.

Hi jcool, I've already responded to you earlier today, but I’ve searched around in the meantime and here is a good post I’ve found by frognomore to a BH who wanted to know how to execute plan B without moving out. Some posters adviced this BH to pack the WS’s bags, stick them to the curb and change the locks of the house if the WS refuses to move out, but of course that can have legal implications. Therefore, in case you might need to go to plan B, I think the following advice and suggestions of frognomore will apply to you too. I’ve adjusted some words in the post to make it applicable to YOU personally, but HERE (link) is the original post (hope you don't mind frognomore! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />).

[color:"blue"] What you do is consult an attorney and make sure that deciding to go into plan B does not conflict with the WS legal rights.

I am assuming you don't own the house in just your name.

You can invite him to leave but if he refuses there is nothing you can do.

So in a case like this a dark plan B may be impossible.

You would have to go to your lawyer and start a divorce proceeding.

In other words you may have no option but to go from Plan A to Plan D.

Hoping Plan D snaps him out of it.

I live in California and no lawyer in the world would suggest kicking your spouse out or leaving until a legal document was drawn up and agreed to by both parties.

So my advice is you don't leave and then don't try to kick him out.

Get a lawyer and figure out what you can legally do. [/color]

jc..
the stuff about finding another EA..is just blowing smoke right now...

it's his lashing out to hurt you because he hurts...
and though he wants to believe strongly that he is hurting because he is "losing his best friend.."

he really hurts because he is so far removed from living in a good and decent life....

the evilness of an affair....makes it seem like all the good and bad emotions are wrapped up in the OP....but the feelings are really just extensions of their own actions and choices...and all choices have consequences...

his choices to have the affair...
have led to...

him becoming a liar
him becoming someone who routinely says cruel things to his spouse...(even in great honest conflict we all hold the power not to be cruel to our spouses....)
etc etc

and here's the other thing...the fact that the other woman did go no contact ....so readily...is really not because of your contact and your implorings..it's because she KNOWS it's not right...

that she can see the things that are the negative side of this friendship streaming from her and YOUR husband...
she holds him accountable...
and she holds herself accountable..

husband still isn't there...much easier to lash out and hurt you jc...

will your husband continue to seek out others...to feed his self hurt...

no one knows...the goal is that true recovery here...
leads to you both realizing that it is in eachother you CAN create those connections he desires...

but this site can also offer you JC..the opportunity to make authentic decisions if his answer is yes he will continue to seek others always...
and it will be you who can walk away...
with peace...

that he alone chooses ...

two weeks in to plan A

step it up...

and see where it gets you...

lessen the entanglement in the arguements...
learn to babble back more to his fog...

be wary of this cycle where he believes he can go off on you and say the most creul things....and then as long as he aploigizes it makes it OK...

this is the time to stop YOUR participation in that cycle so he beging to realize that if he wants to communicate with you ....even his sooo called so important "bad" feelings and emotions...he better learn a different way to tell you he's hurting....

you can even empathize with his hurting....
but NOT ever when it is laced with blame and vileness...

ARK

I've finally pluck up some courage again and talk to my WH about the boundary issue. He was acting ok for the past few days, not loving or caring as a H should, but ok in that he is no longer making biting comments or refusing to talk to me. I was debating whether I should talk to him now (after some improvement from him) because I do not want him to go back to the previous days' dark mood again. But after reading the post from Suzet and Ark, I realise that I will if I don't do that now and the potential EA may really evolve into a real EA and I will in the future hate myself for not bringing the message across.

So I took a few deep breaths and ask him calmly if I could talk to him. He said ok. I told him that I saw those 'farewell' pictures and I think the way they hugged each other is inappropriate for a married man (and woman, that particular female colleague is married too). Also, I know that they have been keeping in contact on a daily basis and sending texts like 'i miss you' is very inappropratie too. Not to mentioned, I am very hurt by these actions. He responded with the usual 'you are being over sensitive again. i already promised you that i will stay faithful from now on, these actions do not mean anything'. I told him it is not just about him, he may felt that it meant nothing and maybe in his heart, it really meant nothing. But the message he is sending across may mean something to the other party. He may be teling the other party that hey, though I am married, I am still available and very willing to continue to 'party'. At least the message he is sending across to me means that. He then became very quiet and I can see that he is shutting me off already. But I continue the one sided converstaion. I told him again that I feel very hurt by his actions and I hope that he will respect me and not do that again. My boundary is this, if you really want to stay and work on the marriage, then I think you should be commited and make some changes in your behaviour and stop acting inappropriately. I quoted him the example of freeloader and buyer. I told him also that should he feel that this is too much to ask of him, that he does not wish to stay within the boundary, he is feel to go. I may not live terribly happy for a while, but I'll live and I'll get better. I rather live alone than to live the rest of my life in constant fear and wonder if he is going or wishing to start another A, EA or PA. Again, he kept very quiet but I can see defiant in his eyes. I asked what is his decision. He told me he does not want to talk to me about this at this point because he thinks it is not the right time nor the right frame of mind (whether he is referring to his or my mind, I do not know). I know he is trying to delay making the decision and do not want to push it further since he is not receptive yet. But I asked him if he understand what I am trying to say and if he understand the point I am trying to make. He said yes. I told him ok then it is enough for me at this point. We can talk again some other time later when he is ready.

Though I would very much hope for a 'perfect' ending to this talk, I know in his current state of fog, this is actually not too bad already. But I cannot stress enough on the amount of relief I felt for once again standing up for myself. I know Suzet would be proud of me too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I now know that even if eventually I have to move to a plan B or even a plan D, I can face myself and said that I have done all I could to save the marriage without compromising my dignitity!

Dear jcool, you did good. I’m indeed proud of you! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Now, should your H label you as “over-sensitive” (or whatever) again or try to “bargain” with you again on continuing his inappropriate behavior, say something like the following to him:

“Hubby, I’ve said to you that I will give you a chance to prove that you can respect my boundaries and demonstrate that you care enough for me to stop doing anything that hurts me. You still don’t show a willingness to respect my boundaries and that shows me that you doesn’t care about my feelings and is not willing to do what it takes to A proof our marriage. If that is your final choice, you are free to go so that I can move forward with my life. But if you choose to respect my boundaries and safeguard our marriage, we can both work together to recover our M.”

If he tries to get you in a fight, don’t allow him to. Just calmly but firmly state the above boundaries again and stick to it every time he starts coming up with rationalizations and justifications to continue his behavior and/or start accusing/label you to avoid taking actions/responsibility to apply those boundaries. It’s called “the broken record” and it’s a very effective way to be assertive towards disrespectful and hurting behavior. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Keep posting and updating jcool.

I have the afternoon off today and will also not be able to post during the weekend, but I will be back on Monday to see how it’s going with you.

Take care of yourself jcool. I will think of you and send a “strength” prayer for you during the weekend. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

After I had my one sided conversation with my WH about the boundary issues and inappropriate behaviours, I thought nothing had gone into his foggy brain. But since that day, I haven't seen any exchange of sms or MSN. Either he really felt my hurt or he has learned to delete the messages. I don't know what to believe now.

I have a better chance at snooping today and managed to download the pictures that he took of that female colleagues and the MSN conversation records. I realised that most of the time, he initiated the conversation and the pattern that he is following is scarily similar to how he started with the OP the last time.

I am going to keep all these records just in case I need to use them in the future (though I sincerely hoped not!).

The update is that he is still around, physically at least. Mentally I know he is not back yet. He is trying to act very neutral to me, not loving nor hateful. I told him last night that I am going for a MC session 3 days later. He is welcome to come along. As I expected he kept very quiet. He has been against the idea right from the beginning. He even told me once that 'our marriage is not broken, please don't try to fix it'. But it is ok, my friend told me that the MC session will at least help ME handle to crisis better. At first I was quite reluctant to go because I thought it will be useless since I cannot work on the M alone. But after reading some of the M notes, I realise that going for MC is not only about the A and M, it is also about being the right person for the M. Hope my session goes well!

ARRGGG!!! Just had a major love buster! I'm so frustrated with myself!

Didn't expect my WH to have such a huge reaction towards me looking for a MC. He came home today demanding to know when did I make the appointment. I told him I can't remember. He then probe further if it was before or after his resignation. I felt something is coming my way but I do not understand what the big fuss is all about. So I told him, definitely after he tendered (which was a month ago), so maybe about 2-3 weeks ago. Then he asked again, is it before or after his last day in office. I said again I seriously can't remember, should be before his last day because that was only about a week ago. Then he again asked, what do you intend to tell the counsellor? You want to drag up the whole story again didn't you? I said no, that was not THE reason why I went for a MC. Yes, the session will include talking about the A but mainly to help me deal with the situation right now and help me move on. What situation? He asked. Then he started getting all defensive about me not able to let go, me scheming behind his back all these while and plan for a MC session without telling him etc. I felt really puzzled. Why the big fuss over MC? Then he just stomp off and went to do his own things. I felt that I cannot let him keep coming and vent his anger and then just walk away. So I asked him what was wrong. Why was making the MC appointment before or after his last day in office so important. He told me he just wanted to test me. To see if I was lying. Where did that come from??? He said he wanted to see if I enjoyed the 'probing' because this was exactly the feeling he felt when I keep asking him about the A previously. I felt that he was just trying to pick a fight and I got angry too. What right does he have to come storming back and spoil my day? What was he trying to do to 'test and probe' me? I wasn't the one who had an A!! We started arguing and got all defensive. He told me not to 'challenge' him. When he said he will not cross the line, he will not cross it. Don't doubt him anymore. If I keep thinking that he will (thereby challenging him) then he WILL purposely do it to spike me. So I asked why does he want to hurt me like that. Does he knows that it hurts. He says yes, I purposely want to hurt you like that because I do not like others to challenge me. Anyway, the whole arguement ended very badly and I am typing this in tears. I do not know how to undo the damages but I do not know if I WANT to. Just when I thought that things are starting to look up, it turned for the worst again. I know I should not get into an argument with him but I just cannot help it. This is all so frustrating!

He's in withdrawal big time and it's easier to blame you than to face himself and his choices.

It all sounds like WS babble to me.

LC

It is very WS babble. As I was arguing with him, I couldn't help but wonder who is this man that I am talking to. Definitely not the same one that I married. I knew I shouldn't start arguing with him because it will only make things worse. And it had. So what do I do now?

Continue in your Plan A. This was just a little bump in the road. Your anti-D's should be starting to kick in now. Also, your hubby should be over the worst of withdrawal in another couple of weeks.

I would INSIST on counseling. Don't let things be swept under the rug. If he refuses to go, you go.

Hi jcool,

I’m sorry to hear what happened over the weekend... I 100 % agree with believer and lifeschoice. Continue plan A and don’t be discouraged by this incident. Learn to babble back to your H (Reverse Babble technique in Orchid’s signature). The counseling will be a good thing even if you have to go alone. It will be good for you to have a professional person to speak to and help & support you through this as well.

Take very much care of yourself jcool and make sure you follow a healthy diet, sleep enough and do some exercise (it will help release the stress and with the anti-D’s, help to relief the depression too).

(((Hugs)))
Suzet

Dear jcool,

You're very quite...

How are you doing? What happened with the counselling session? Did you go alone?

Keep posting and seeking support here,
Suzet

Hi Suzet, thanks for your concern. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My WH, after that huge fight, called me the next day and said that though he didn't like me throwing something like this to him so last minute, but he will go with me because he wanted to move on too. So we went. But it didn't turn out as 'good' as I hoped it to be.

Well, the counsellor started by asking why do we think we need to come see her. My WH spoke first. And he gave the usual 'i don't think the M has any problem but she insisted, so i came'. He did not mention the A at all. When it was my turn, I brought up the A and she subsequently asked a couple of questions to understand both our point of view more. I got to hear more of 'his side' of the story, things that he did not tell me or did not surface during our arguments. I don't know if it is the 'tactic' of the MC that after seeing how resentful my WH is, she sort of took the stand of sympathising with him and pointed out that I over reacted sometimes. I have to be fair, she did try to point out certain things that as a woman, it is natural that I would feel this way and that. But maybe because I was not a good narrator, I tend to stray and talk about something else and could not get to the point of the story as fast as I could thus she stopped me a couple of times and asked me if my WH has heard this part, if so, there is no need for me to tell her. For example, my WH said that I tried to 'threaten' him by trying to take my own life. I did try to commit suicide once, but that was not to 'threaten' him but because at that point, the pain and suffering was so intense that I felt I could not take it anymore. But luckily, my sister called me at the right time, saying she felt uneasy for no reason at all and thus decide to see if I was doing ok. She then proceed to console me that things are not as bad as they looked now and asked me to hang on. Somehow, talking to her made me came to some perspective of things and I quickly went to see a doc to undo the damages. It was a very traumatic experience for me and I thought he knew the reason why I did that. Now then I know that he felt that I was 'threatening' or 'blackmailing' him. But the MC just asked if I really did try to commit suicide and I said I did but before I could go on, she stopped me.

The only good thing that came out of that session is that we both made a promise to work on the M. My WH walked out feeing a whole lot better. He felt that he is not alone (the whole world was telling him that he did the wrong thing, a statement he made in the session). Someone (the counsellor) stood on his side and felt the same way as him, that I over reacted and made the situation seemed a lot worse than it has to be. But I walked away feeling all those resentment and sadness creeping up. Did I really over reacted? Why wasn't I allowed to speak my side of the story? As I calm down 2 days later, I asked myself, what good would it accomplish if I get to say all I want to say? Would my WH be so receptive then? Maybe not. Maybe that is why the counsellor stopped me. But the following 2-3 days after the session was quite terrible for me. I sort of re-lived the entire horrible period following my WH confession. I keep re-playing the scenes and conversations that happened and it was totally killing me. But I had to hide my pain because my WH started working on his promise. He actually was more loving towards me and resume doing things that he knew I would like. So I do not know if this is the 'plot' of the counsellor.

But right now, I guess any good reaction from my WH is good news, regardless of how that come about. We are due to see the counsellor in another weeks time and I guess I just have to wait and see.