I am reading almost constantly. I screwed up yesterday, the next post will clarify my screw up.

I screwed up royal last night. My WH and I spent the night together, something I had been looking forward to...but a couple of things happened yesterday that stayed with me. I had asked him on the phone about traveling with him for a few days. He said, "I've been thinking about that but it depends on where I am going." In the past when I have traveled with him that was never a consideration. My thoughts were that if he was heading to Texas then he wouldn't want me with him.

The other thing that happened was that the friend who clued me into what was happening said a few things to me yesterday. Telling me I should go to Texas and beat the OW up ...actually both my former friend and the OW. Kind of an infantile way of thinking but at the same time I wonder what people think of me for not defending myself and my M at this time.

When we got together last night I told him we needed to talk. I'll try to remember how the conversation went. I did read him some notes that I had made to start.

ME:(From my notes)...I feel hurt because WH, former friend(skanky b**ch..SB), and OW violated my trust. I don't know who I'm more upset at WH...you told me that you keep your word and that you wanted me to be able to say "If H says it, it must be true". I didn't think you would lie to me or break your word to me. I can learn to trust you again but do you want to earn it? You told me that a relationship can't work w/o honest, sincere communication. Does that mean we don't have a relationship anymore? I want my H back, I want to believe in you again.
SB...she betrayed my trust and our friendship. Not only did she fix you up with the OW but it is somebody that I have met. If she hadn't made the offer, then you wouldn't have gone there.
(At this point I got very angry and said that all I wanted to do was going to Texas and punch her in the face and for him not to think that I there wasn't a possibility that I would do it.)
OW...we met her at a Valentine's Day party in Dallas. She and I even sat in SB's van and talked for a bit. She knows that WH and I are together but she is still more that willing to see him.
I didn't grow up this way. You don't set your friend's H up with another woman.You don't go out with the H of any woman. It is so wrong what the three of you have done. These people were supposed to be our friends. But do you continue to maintain a friendship with people who damage your M, I don't.
I believe that SB is actively trying to harm our M, I think she has her own agenda.
I've believed you to be a man of honor and integrity. I don't know what caused you to bend to temptation and break your vows, but this can be fixed if you are willing.
When you contact SB or OW it humiliates me in a way that I do not feel I deserve. I can't force you to stop contact because I love you, but I want you to it will restore our M if you stop contacting them and it how happy it would make me. Is she so important to you that the A is worth further damaging our M? I want you to stop seeing OW.

WH:Are you done now?
ME:yes
WH:I'm not going to stop seeing her and you wouldn't even know, let alone be feeling bad if you hadn't started trying to find out what I was doing.
ME:We are married, and you had to know I would find out eventually since we were friends.
WH: You hadn't even talked to them in a couple of months.
ME:That's not true but it doesn't matter. This shouldn't be happening. I feel so humiliated, hurt, disrespected and embarrassed by this A.

It wasn't a feel good conversation. Nothing was resolved, I just came away feeling hurt and sad. We did sleep in each other's arms and he told me repeatedly that he loves me.

I keep trying this Plan A but I seem to be doing a lousy job of it.

How do you hide your emotions and keep your mouth shut. I guess I thought I could convince him to end the A since it was so new. I did find out that he has been seeing her for almost a month, not just two weeks.

Any answers?

How can I keep from saying mean things to my WH when all I want to do is wring his neck?

I get so mad at him for not having enough consideration and love for me to quit seeing OW.

I have to keep biting my tongue and I am having so much trouble finding things about him to admire when the thoughts of him and OW are in the front of my brain.

Suggestions please.

Keep posting and reading here. It helps. It is extremely hard to do Plan A. But if you have decided to do the MB program, you need to do it at least 3 months. Then you can go to Plan B.

My WH and I have some of the most wonderful phone conversations but sometimes they end on a bad note. It seems to me that most of the time it is because he doesn't want to listen to my opinion. He says that it is because I am a negative person. This is one of his examples: I disagree with something he says and will try to explain why I disagree. He says that when I do that, that I am trying to change his opinion and it upsets him. I'm not quite sure how this is negative on my part, but I know if it is bothering him that I should stop anyway.

I feel like my tongue will become a mangled mess with me biting it to keep from stating why I feel like my opinion is valid. Any suggestions on how to make it easier?

Well, of course you are going to have negative opinions while he is in the midst of an affair. What wife wouldn't? The trick is just to keep them to yourself. You CAN tell him that his actions are hurtful. But WS's don't care to hear anything negative. They are living in a fantasy world and don't care to hear the truth.

How do you deal with the pain and still manage to Plan A when you know your WH is with the OW? I feel terrible knowing where he is at and that I can't do a dang thing about it. How can you steer I steer my thoughts away from them so I can cope with my life?

You learn to detach and move on with your own life, and make it a good one. You can Plan A when he is around, but be prepared to move on without him. Sometimes just the knowledge that you WILL move on wakes them up.