You can read a more thorough story of my marriage in a previous post, but I have some questions I don't know the answers to and I thought a separate post for them was the best idea.

1) I found out on May 12 that my wife was posting personals on the Internet looking for sex with other men. She only met one of them in person one time for lunch before I found out. Does this qualify as an EA or PA, or am I posting in the wrong place? Am I silly to feel like a BH?

2) My wife says she is planning to leave me in 5 years after both children have graduated from High School. Wouldn't it be just as hard on the kids then as it would be now? I know I would be devastated if my parents split up now, and they're both in their seventies.

3) Does it mean anything that my wife has no friends? She told me not long ago that she thinks this is because she has always been afraid of someone finding out how terrible our marriage is. I'm not sure about that, though. She has cut off all contact from all but one of her three siblings. She says it would get bad with the third if we lived closer to them. It's clear that all of her siblings have mental health issues, and I think she does, too. She hates being around my parents (hates my mother, mostly, but can't stand my father, either). The upside of this is that I can have a lot of time with her because there's no one else for her to spend time with.

4) What about marriage counseling? She says she doesn't want to do it, but I think she would go if I made the appointment. I'm afraid if we get into counseling she may decide there's no hope before I have a chance to break through her wall and start making Love Deposits. What if I went to individual counseling? What signal would that send?

5) Now that I've turned the corner and care about our marriage and making her happy, I'm getting my feelings hurt by her all the time. Do I just let it go, or do I tell her. I suspect that if I'm trying to do Plan A, I should let it go.

6) THE BIG QUESTION - I have come to realize recently what I think may be at the root of our problems. It's something I have kept secret from my wife since we first got married. I don't want to say what it is because I don't want her to possibly find it here before I tell her, but if you've read my earlier posts you can probably guess what it is. She will be hurt and angry when she finds out. I want to tell her, but when do I do it? I'm afraid if I tell her now it will drive her even further away. If I wait until she's coming around, will it destroy all the progress made up to that point?

7) She says she doesn't want to work on our marriage. Are there others out there who were in the same situation as me who succeeded? Are there many of them?

I would suggest you stick to one thread. You are jumping around a lot.
Yes, your wife is a WS.
Yes, there are many that have recovered from these types of problems.
You and your wife both have psych issues that impact your ability to have a healthy marriage. There is a lot more going on here than infidelity and marital discord. I would suggest you find a counselor to help work on "you."
As far as the big question, I am not going to guess what the issue is. If you are keeping secrets from your wife, you are damaging your M. Honesty should not be delayed... that is manipulative. Now, to show a level of maturity or lack thereof, imagine for a second your wife coming here and reading your point #6. How do you think she would feel reading that???????

I agree with MEDC and would almost bet she is already in at least an emotional affair with someone either in person or on the net, if not more from what you write.

Secrets are bad for a marriage, period.

I have to go with the above post, it appears your problem is systemic..and that will require a pile of work.....

Is a married woman, posting personal ads for sex on the internet wayward??? Read my question again.....

there is no clearer definition of wayward out there.....

Your whole situation is messed up.

There's a lot there to indicate that your W is messed up. Yes, it's a huge problem that your W has no friends. Mine didn't either. She makes friends and disposes of them as if they were garbage. She disposed of me just as easily.

Yes, your kids will be messed up in a big way if you D when they're older. My parents did and that loss had a significant impact on me and I was 25.

Your W is very much a WW. What she did was horribly wrong and I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't done more already.

Mine did a lot of what you describe. She flirted with men online as well.

Quit holding secrets. This isn't the place. We can't help you unless you come clean.

Quit blaming yourself. You share in the blame but nothing excuses your ex's behavior.