You can read a more thorough story of my marriage in a previous post, but I have some questions I don't know the answers to and I thought a separate post for them was the best idea.
1) I found out on May 12 that my wife was posting personals on the Internet looking for sex with other men. She only met one of them in person one time for lunch before I found out. Does this qualify as an EA or PA, or am I posting in the wrong place? Am I silly to feel like a BH?
2) My wife says she is planning to leave me in 5 years after both children have graduated from High School. Wouldn't it be just as hard on the kids then as it would be now? I know I would be devastated if my parents split up now, and they're both in their seventies.
3) Does it mean anything that my wife has no friends? She told me not long ago that she thinks this is because she has always been afraid of someone finding out how terrible our marriage is. I'm not sure about that, though. She has cut off all contact from all but one of her three siblings. She says it would get bad with the third if we lived closer to them. It's clear that all of her siblings have mental health issues, and I think she does, too. She hates being around my parents (hates my mother, mostly, but can't stand my father, either). The upside of this is that I can have a lot of time with her because there's no one else for her to spend time with.
4) What about marriage counseling? She says she doesn't want to do it, but I think she would go if I made the appointment. I'm afraid if we get into counseling she may decide there's no hope before I have a chance to break through her wall and start making Love Deposits. What if I went to individual counseling? What signal would that send?
5) Now that I've turned the corner and care about our marriage and making her happy, I'm getting my feelings hurt by her all the time. Do I just let it go, or do I tell her. I suspect that if I'm trying to do Plan A, I should let it go.
6) THE BIG QUESTION - I have come to realize recently what I think may be at the root of our problems. It's something I have kept secret from my wife since we first got married. I don't want to say what it is because I don't want her to possibly find it here before I tell her, but if you've read my earlier posts you can probably guess what it is. She will be hurt and angry when she finds out. I want to tell her, but when do I do it? I'm afraid if I tell her now it will drive her even further away. If I wait until she's coming around, will it destroy all the progress made up to that point?
7) She says she doesn't want to work on our marriage. Are there others out there who were in the same situation as me who succeeded? Are there many of them?
