Just imagine if someone hacked into Match.com and screwed around with the filters so that you got someone that wasn't what you were looking for. I bet that would make a hilarious book.

No fair! I'm already writing a book on online dating, I am sure it'll be a best seller - no one can top the stuff that I came across <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />.

AGG

"They" meaning the sites I am on.I have specifically listed the criteria that was important to me.I answered all the questions they give you but I still get people who don't fit.I figured the sites probably try to meet *most of the criteria and then let you decide if the other parts not met are important enough to ignore or not.I don't know,just a guess.

I would not date a 50 year old man yet I have had a few of those come along.Also men from other states,far away that are nowhere near my radius specs.Those with piercings and tattoos aren't desirable yet keep coming up <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> The kids issue too seems to be a big one: I am getting contacted by guys who seem to want kids or aren't sure.I even said flat out that I do not want anymore kids at this stage in my life.

Oh well,I am learning to just go with the flow and not let it bother me.However I am seeing some really weird stuff too....I don't know how else to be more specific and I do want my picture out there.When other's don't have one I feel like they're hiding something too,although it might not be true.But it's how I feel.

Oh, I know that very well.
Yet, looking at some photos... I cannot imagine being with...
Even if they were billionaires. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
(Btw, I'm not looking for "Apollo", but someone MY eyes would feel comfortable when looking at... I had a bf (last century <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) that my friends considered him kind of ugly... yet he was so attractive to ME...)

AB, there are also many sites with 'web dating services tips'... if this might help you too
http://www.onlinedatingtips.org/

LOL.Me too.Money isn't everything.It always brings to mind Stephanie Seymour,the Victoria's Secret model who is married to Peter Brant,who in turn could be Buddy Hacketts brother.Don't find him attractive at all even with all that money-plus he had an A with her and left his wife and 5 kids <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the tips.I wonder if anyone has tried PerfectMatch?? I hadn't heard about that one before.I am going to end my eHarmony after one month.I'm not happy with it so far.

And,just overnight,I get two more "matches", one guy who is 55 ( no way) and another who lives in Texas. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Is he a cowboy? I'd love a cowboy.

lol. I don't know.He said: "Hey pretty" but also wanted to get my personal e-mail so then he could send me photos (not on the site). Cardinal rule: don't do that until things have progressed to a safe point.It sounded a bit creepy actually.yuk You wouldn't want that GG.

I haven't been around for awhile, I've been happily dating (sort of) but I must confess that I enjoy reading online dating stories. I've never done it, in part due to the low population density here, the likelihood that I already know BOTH the guys who've posted profiles in my zipcode is extremely high. So I guess I'm living vicariously through all of you.

I just have a couple of questions for those who do online dating. Do they have a Ted Bundy anti-psycho filter? How do you know that you're not corresponding with a weirdo? Maybe I've just heard too many horror stories or watched too much Dateline NBC but I just think there is no substitute for meeting and dating the old fashioned way.

Are you ever tempted to embellish your profile just to see what kind of responses you get? I don't know - for instance, something like for your interests or hobbies - tolling bells and pouring hot, molten lead on passersby? Or jumping off the roof and pretending you can fly? Do you ever feel vulnerable to predators with too much honest self-disclosure?

Sorry, I know I've exceeded my question limit but I'm just curious, from those with actual experience. I can't see myself doing it but you never know.

LOL.That's funny.I also live in a small town and although I love that aspect,it also means it isn't so easy finding/dating someone you might like and doing it the "old fashioned way".I also feel very uncomfortable with the idea I might end up with a man who happens to have kids in the same school as mine.That to me is weird.

I haven't passed the initial hello stages with anyone since I am deleting 99% of what comes along due to various reasons.So whether or not these people are not being 100% honest in their profiles,I don't know.Plus what I wrote in my profile is genuine.No mixed messages at all.Some of the responses you just get a creepy feeling about so I go with my gut.If it doesn't feel good then it probably isn't.Some have been really funny too.

At first all of this made me overwhelmed since it was my first time putting myself out there again after my ex's A and the D and I got so many responses.But now I feel like a pro.I also had to remember that I wasn't giving up my life as it is now which I love.I still have my freedom,my time alone,time with my kids and all the things I love doing.Just because I am looking for another partner doesn't mean things have really changed.Plus you can always stop using the sites if you aren't feeling good about them anymore.

Are you dating anyone now Fraulein? How did you meet your dates?

I wanted to respond a bit to Booka... Does a woman have to be skinny to be attractive? I am overweight but not huge so I always put curvy/few extra pounds on my profile. I also include a pic. If a guy responds, then he should know that I'm not a tiny, little thing. What is funny, to me, is the guys that are very large, want the fit/athletic/slender girls. Esp. in my age brackett, you are less likely to find a hardbody unless she lives at the gym.

OK... enough of my vent.
Loni

Hi Ladies and Gents,

I doubt that anybody on this thread remembers me. I haven't looked at MB for months, but since I'm not sleeping tonight, dropped in here.

It's very interesting to read "the other side" of the on-line dating experience. I've dipped a toe into Ya-oo Personals, and Match and quickly ran away. I've been on eHarm-ny three different cycles over a year and a half.

I agree with everybody who said that a photo is essential. When I first started there, I just read the profiles and ignored the photos. I thought I was an enlightened man and, after awhile, it really doesn't matter what the person you love looks like. Then, I went on a couple of dates with a very impressive lady - who I didn't find attractive. <sigh> I ended up hurting her even though they were entirely hands-off gentlemanly dates. (I'm always hands-off, but that's another discussion). When I closed her, she deleted her photos, scrambled her profile and canceled her subscription.

It's easy to get hurt or to hurt somebody. The sooner either person comes to the conclusion that this is not a good match - and acts on it by breaking it off, the better.

AB, you can control, in eH, how serious you are about your preferences. At first, I was mystified why I specified a search radius of 60 miles and was "matched" with ladies 400 miles away. There is an option where you tell them how important the distance is. Set it to "very important", and you will only get matches within your specified radius.

Don't worry about guys in their 40's who want kids (if you don't want kids). Just close them out. We (guys in our 40's who want kids) understand. The worst thing you can do is to assume that you can change the man's mind - that you like him and even though he want's kids (and you don't) you'd like to meet him. Don't do it! You'll just be wasting your (and his) time.

I always ask the question "if you married, how many children would be ideal". That gives the lady a quick heads-up and a chance to answer "0". If she answers "0", I close the match with no further ado.

I view the Q&A phases as a quick way to elliminate "matches" which the filters are not > sufistikated enuf < to elliminate.

-AD

I remember you, AD. You gave me some wonderful advice once.

Hello everybody,

This is an interesting thread to read. I have had some experience with online dating last summer. I was on Yahoo Personals. I met and had a date or two with six different women over the course of a couple of months. One of the women turned out to be a very good match for me, and we eventually fell in love and are still seeing each other. Another one turned out to be a wonderful friend whom I still keep in touch with.

This is of course how it is from a man's perspective. I don't know how it is from a woman's viewpoint, but judging by what I've noticed in the real world, there are a lot more idiots who are male then there are idiots who are female.

Here are some of my frustrations with online dating, and in some respects, with dating in general:

I hate it when the women expect the man to pay for dinner just simply because he is the man. What's up with that? Women want equality in most other areas, then why not equality when the bill comes?

Also, in reading through lots of women's profiles (yes, I did actually read the profiles) I was always amused by the large number of "ings". As in, "I'm into hiking, biking, camping, skiing, snowboarding, dancing, dining, reading, cuddling, talking," etc. Geeze, who has time for all of those things. Just list one or two. Too many "ings" is always a turnoff to me.

Oh, one more thing American Beauty, you should always post a picture. I think you'll attract so many more men that way, and one of them might be your prince. If you are contacted by someone who is offensive to you, don't respond. Block his profile and move on. You don't owe anyone on a dating site anything.

Again, great thread, and good luck to all who are wading through the quagmire of online dating.

-Chris

AB,

I have been dating current BF about 4 months. He is a firefighter/EMT and I met him at the hospital where I work.

I don't go to any extravagent lengths to meet people. I just do the things I enjoy and meet men with common interests. I belong to an astronomy club and meet up with other geeks. Or nature hikes - I met one gentleman that way. It kind of takes the awkwardness out of it because you already have something to talk about.

I remember getting the common "you need to put yourself out there" advice. I've seen people go to some extreme and drastically unnatural measures to meet dates. I don't believe in that. For example, one friend wanted me to go to line dancing classes. Because I'm not a dancer, I would have to feign interest and then I'd be meeting someone on a false pretense. He'd think I was enjoying it and the reality is that I'd rather give breech birth to a baby porcupine!

Good luck with your adventures. I'll keep reading!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

It's getting a bit annoying that I am still getting these matches that I don't like.Just tonight I get another guy, 59 years old who lives in California.Come on.And there are a large number of guys who don't post a picture.What's up with that?

I don't know how to be more specific about what I want and how far I will go.eHarmony has only sent me about 5 matches,all of them "duds" for various reasons.I also joined PerfectMatch.com for a few months, which is ok but I don't like the set up.I prefer Match.com so far.Things have slowed quite a bit the last 2 days.I guess I must have wiped out/deleted the whole east coast continent! lol But then again I've only been at this a week or so.

I haven't come across any mean guys so far.And I am aware that I am placing a great deal of importance on how they look.I am not looking for Adonis but,I do want to be interested visually.Maybe that is a mistake? I don't think so...it is important to me that I find a potential partner attractive.

Fraulein, I do need to put myself out there,that is true.I am very busy with work,my kids,the home,etc so I haven't taken the time to consider a group of some sort or local reading club,etc.I guess I will look in to that when I can.I am not in any hurry in all this.

One guy was very nice to e-mail me.He was very gentlemanly,very educated and travels,speaks French,,has money,similar interests (few but not a lot).But he is 51.So I e-mailed him back but basically said no thank you. I felt bad about that one but I cannot picture myself with someone that age.It just doesn't feel comfortable.

For dinners I don't expect a man to pay for it all.I definitely would give half or take turns.

Oh well,onward we go......

Loni,

I will respond. My attraction involves someone thin and tall, maybe even athletic, although not more athletic than I am! Everyone has different attractions. In general, the people on Match who list themselves as average (average = height/weight proportional) are generally overweight and not height/weight proportional. There are very few exceptions in my experience.

Being overweight can encompass many different forms. I have seen some truly curvy women who were attractive.

I am 6'2" tall and weigh around 210 pounds. I'm not interested in a woman who weighs more than me. This is my personal preference.

Initially, I was interested is those who were interested in me. I even felt sorry for some. Most were unattractive. Most were very nice and some I still communicate with. Various things made me realize that I don't have to settle for someone I find to be unattractive even if they have a great personality. There are other things that drive our interest.

I could successfully date unattractive women for the rest of my life. Then tend to be appreciative, some are very good at sex, and one was the single greatest conversationalist that I ever met. It wasn't enough for me.

I am no Adonis. I have a lot of intangibles and I look considerably younger than I am. I think of myself as thin although others might describe me as athletic. I would categorize myself as being somewhat better than average looking. I have all of my hair, which is an advantage over most men my age. I would like to date someone who would correspond fairly closely to me in the looks department.

At this point, almost anybody would be an upgrade over the ex.

Hi GG,

It's nice to be remembered. I can't imagine what useful advice I could have given. I'm just stumbling along through life myself.

-AD

I should add a few other things. I was active on Match for about the first 3-months of this year. Currently I'm on eHarmony. My overall satisfaction with Match on a scale from 1 to 10 was a 5. So far on eHarmony I'd rate it at a 4.

I am currently on a dating hiatus. This does not mean that I wouldn't be interested in meeting someone. My level of activity is doing so is very low. I can be very happy on my own and don't currently feel that I'm lacking anything in not being involved with someone. I honestly feel at this point that the negatives of dating outweigh the positives. I'm in a comfortable place now and feel like dating would upset that comfort. I've done this several times, i.e. entered and exited the dating scene. This exit has lasted longer than the others. I don't know what it means but feel I'm becoming a better person on my own.

LOL, AD. I can't remember the advice either. I actually think it was when I was still married....