I am removing this post with the mutual agreement of my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

Welcome to marriagebuilders. I think it would have been much better to work on your marriage. I know it would have been the more difficult path, but in the end would have been the best choice.

For a woman who has had more than her share of trials, you seem strangely unconcerned and unfeeling toward the woman whose husband you calculatingly chose. She had no choice in any of this, and yet it is HER life.

Please don't tell me she is a ****** and ddidn't deserve him, or that they have an "open marriage". We've heard that story too many times from the cheaters.

I am removing this post by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

"The consideration, safety, and well-being of families and spouses had been negotiated right at the beginning (at least that was our intention)."

So, he dispensed with birth control...... Wonder how he was going to explain THAT ONE to his wife?

Sorry, I don't like your plan. You cheated your spouses and families out of time, money and exlusivity.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

I suggest you not call your former affair parnter your "lover" as it is an insult to every betrayed spouse on this board. I am curious when this "waking you up" stuff started with your H? Was it while the A was ongoing? I would guess he and the BW of your MOM KNEW something wasn't right. I do hope by now your BH has told the MOM's W the truth about her life. She deserves to know she was betrayed and possibly subjected to STD's.

I'm sorry you had to come to a decision to end the life of an unborn.

Seeing though as it has not improved your M, was it worth it? You don't sound at peace with your decision, and I imagine you won't be for a while...have you given thought you those feelings will affect how you rear your remaining biological children?

Whatever you decide to do, you will have to be prepared for a maelstrom of emotions: those of your H, your own, and the immediate community around you.

What are you prepared to do?

This woman has told you how a WS is thinking when getting ready to have an affair. I see all kinds of attacks to her for telling you her feelings. Regardless if it's right or wrong.......it's her feelings.

As far as the child she aborted, well my view points are very strong on this, regardless of the circumstances 99% of the time. Which the ones here who know me know how I feel about this. She has to live with that. I'm surprised that more of you knowing that it's an oc is not pleased with her decission to abort no?

I'm a bit confussed though about your marriage now. Did you say it's no better or worse?

YOu say it's all your husband, and you've done everything. Maybe that high price counselor best in town is not the best. I'm sure there are other churchs as well in the area that you can attend and try and get some clarity on this.

What I'm about to say is going to ruffle some feathers, but although I do believe in a lot of the Harely's ways, I don't however think it's healthy for your kids or yourself to be around an abusive father and husband. If they go and hide when he comes home is a sure sign that something is not right. If he treats your children especially the ones that are not 100% whole in his eyes with disrepect or hositle in any way and has not seen by NOW with all the years of counseling you two have had then something is wrong. I don't care who he has on his side. His family, his church who ever! That is wrong.

As far as your affair goes. you maynot like the respones you've gotten. They are betrayed as well. You seem to know you did wrong. You seem to know that you only complicsted your life more with that affair. YOU have to LIVE with yourself and ask for forgiveness for the abortion you had. (sorry my opinion if you don't agree disregard my statement). But my concern is your kids. If you and your husband can't get it together then you have to take care of those kids. Your husband too has to answer to God for the way he treats his kids. But as a Parent it is your responsiblity to make sure they are not only physcially healthy, but mentally healthy as well. Even your children with the disabilities.

You have your plate full, but sounds like your going to school and taking care of there needs as far as caring and learning about the disability. I hope that one day your husband can see that you did not do this to your children, that it happens even to the most rich and powerful as well. It's not the end of the world, it could be much worse, although I understand it's hard. Good luck to you.

atpeace, that is an insult. How dare you insinuate that just because we have been affected by an OC in our lives that WE would encourage this poster or applaud this poster in having an abortion? Get off this board if you cannot be more civil. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Double post. Oops

FF you know, I know there are a lot here this does not apply to and if it does not then ignore. As an fow/oc I've been very honest about my good and bad feelings. I've not sugar coated anything. I've been asked questions and I've answered regardless of any lashings I may get. Some apprceiate it some don't. But you also know there are those that feel we all should have. Because of the aftermath of it. Okay I was being unsensitive and I'm sorry, but I have been touched by several incidents by both single and reading some post of bw's and MM's regarding this very subject. Then in the archives looking for something for someone else related to something else over oc's and found some more here as well. It just seems to be flowing right now. Abortion is NOT birth Control!
Sorry to T/J

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

I am removing this post by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

excuse me but LOVE is not involved in ADULTERY and I say that as a FWW as well as a BS

And I am sorry that you chose to abort your child. That is a heart breaking decision and one no woman should feel they have to make.

I am removing this posting by mutual agreement with my husband. Thank you all for your interesting remarks and thoughtful comments.

You need to also understand that the pain you have been going through because of "this decision" is no greater than the pain you have also caused to everyone else's life which you willfully damaged. I'm sorry you are suffering after your abortion. But have you apologized to the OM for what you did to him, to his wife for what you did to her M and One-upmanship against her because you were able to conceive HER H's child? Do you have any concept of the pain his wife is in because all that you willfully chose to do? Your A was all about poor suffering you. No one's life is perfect, we all have our difficulties. You willfully ignored the hardships of everyone else's life to have a little "something" for you.
I hope you find help to heal for all your hardship's, but please don't expect us to ever think that your excuses are valid.

OK.... I have just read every post and would like to add a few thoughts of my own...

Sweet...you have been living a nightmare for a very long time. I can see that you felt like thinks would never be better and made choices, albeit bad choices, to improve your situation. It sounds like your H needs serious medications to just be tolerable. If he doesn't follow through with this, you really should consider protecting the children from their father. It has to be emotionally damaging to live with his yelling and accusing, as well as just being unavailable.

As for your part in all of this... Have the children become your main focus in life? It kind of reads like that. This is so damaging to even a normal relationship. There has to be some kind of middle ground so that you aren't drowning in your children's difficulties yet able to meet the extra needs they have. Counseling for this would be beneficial, I think. For you and your H.

Should she tell the OMW? I don't agree with that. Would this cause more harm than good? Would knowing that another woman was carrying her H's child be enough to damage this woman irreparably? I just feel that it would be more to punish the MOM than to benefit the OM's W.

I do want to thank you for posting. Some of us never have any real explanation for why our WS cheated on us. Other than the junk the WS spouts when trying to shift blame. May God bless you with his grace and forgiveness.

And also.... who are we to beat up on someone who has obviously repented her actions?

Loni