Haven't read the magazine but I will check it out. I'm a reader, and read EVERYTHING.

No, I was only married to him for 12 years. But the thing that was hardest was that we had planned a retirement together. We raised 8 kids together and it was finally going to be OUR time. He and OW took care of THAT. They spent all of our money. WH was like a crazy man, spending several thousand a week. Like a dummy, I was working on getting him back, and let him do it.

Anyway, the affair ended just two weeks after the divorce was final! He always insisted that she was such a good woman, and not interested in money at all, it was the furthest thing in her mind, blah, blah, blah. But she dumped him like a hot potato when the money ran out.

She is back with her hubby, and lives down the street about 6 houses. So I get to see her almost every day. My ex wanted to get back together, but I was DONE. I lost all respect for him. In fact, he came by yesterday again. He looks terrible and is a broken man. I even feel bad for him, but not interested in even talking with him. I'm polite, but "busy". He wants to talk to me about the kids, and our grandkids who he ripped out of my life.

Believer,

Were the 8 kids from previous marriages? How did he take the grandkids from you? Why can't you still see them.
Sad for your XH. My brother left his wonderful wife for his A partner who we all called PsychoB... and he often said that it was the biggest mistake he ever made. PsychoB then ended up leaving him!! What goes around, comes around as they say.....

I have 2 boys, and he has 3 girls and a son, and their step-sisters. It is complicated.

Through the almost 4 years of his affair, lots of things happened. One of his daughters let him and OW use her home for the affair, so that caused a rift between us. He continued to deny the affair, and another daughter told me he had a secret affair phone, and like a dummy I confronted him. That caused problems between that daughter and I.

I'm still close to his son, his oldest daughter and the step daughters. But I haven't seen 4 of my grandchildren in 4 years. My WH brings the OW to all of the family things.

I had to break Plan B tonight. Took my daughter to emergency room with abdominal pain, so had to call and let him know. I was doing so well today too - didn't really have the urge to call like I did last night. Anyway, I kept it very matter-of-fact, told him the news and told him that I would have her call when she came out. After I heard his voice, I soooo wanted to talk but didn't. He didn't talk either, so it was easy to hang up. Anyway, nothing serious and she is Ok. Whew...

Glad to hear that your daughter is okay. Also glad to hear that you did so well. That's an easy spot to get triggered or slip up and talk.

Congratulations!

Thanks SD. I have a session scheduled with Jennifer tomorrow. Haven't you spoken with her? Do you like her??

I gonna challenge you on that.

It was NOT necessary for you to call him.

It was not life-threatening. Your daughter is an ADULT, she can call him with reports on her health.

Part of what he has forfeited is the right-to-know in detail what is going on.

So why did you break your Plan B? Were you craving an opportunity to talk to him? Don't start inventing excuses to see if he's come to his senses yet. It undermines your plan.

Oops. I guess Lexxy has a point.

I have had several sessions with Jennifer and like her a lot. I think you'll be very happy with what you get from her. Let us know how it goes.

Lexxy,

Good challenge, and you are right. My daughter is 25. Due to pain killers after an accident, she has had an addiction problem which has been a roller coaster ride. She still abuses, and some doctor is giving her Methadone which she also abuses.

In addition, she has contracted MRSA (a highly resistant form of bacteria) which hasn't been able to be gotten under control. I;ve tried to understand why, but still don't get it. Maybe one of the doctors on here can explain it.

Anyway, life is very fragile for her so therefore is the reason. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something really bad happened and I didn't let him know.

Obviously, the stress of this situation has contributed greatly to the marital problems. I've lived in ****** with her for almost 3 years now, which I'm sure has been one reason WH doesn't come home much. There have been days that I haven't blamed him - would have traded places in a heartbeat, but most days I resent that he leaves me to deal with it alone.

I'm no doc, but work in a hospital where we are concerned with infection control. MRSA used to be mainly in persons hospitalized, or in nursing homes, but is spreading to the community. She needs to be sure she practices good hygiene, washing her hands, avoiding skin to skin contact with carriers, or objects - towels, personal items, etc.

I understand its stressful to be left to deal with those situations alone.

But you don't have to forgive yourself for anything.

One of the consequences of his choice is that he won't be there for DD. In fact it sounds like he made that choice long ago.

So, no need to break Plan B for a dad who wasn't ever there anyway....

Believer, Lexy,

You're right, he hasn't been there for her. I had her in rehab last year, begged him to come home but he didn't. She really needed him then. Worst part was, I recently found out that he went with OP when her son was in rehab. That really hurt.....

Maybe I was looking for a reason after all.

Now back to a solid dark Plan B. When you feel you need to break NC, come here first.

Are you going to Alanon, or whatever it is for drugs?

Thanks Believer. I'll come here first. Just a warning - I may be on here all night tonight. One day I'm up, the next rock bottom. I hate this.

I tried to go to an AA meeting, but honestly got nothing out of it. I wanted to know what to do when she is screaming, yelling and demanding money. Seemed like all they talked about was the touch-feely stuff. I needed some hard and fast behavior coping advice. I tend to be a black and white, results oriented person - obviously which is why I'm having so much trouble in my current situation. I want something to happen now. I'm used to making things happen now, and this is sheer agony for me.

I hear you.

(((KG)))

You might check out a ToughLove group. You will meet a lot of folks who are going through the same thing, or WORSE. My ex and I attended for year for problems with our daughter - she was a real handful. And her mother is a life long druggie, so we were really worried. Luckily she snapped out of it and is now happily married with 2 kids.

MRSA.....
..Methicillin (type of penicillin) resistant (The darn little bug changed so the drug doesn't kill it anymore) Streptococcus (type of organism) Aureus (more specific member of the strep family.

These organisms have developed over time due to survival of the fittest and adaptation. We get a bug, we go to the DR., he gives us antibiotics. We feel better and stop taking them. We feel better because we have killed off 90% of the bugs. However, those 10% that survived were stronger. Now they know what the antibiotic looks like and they adapt (change something in the structure of their cell wall) so that if that antibiotic shows up again it doesn't do anything to them.

This is why the Dr. should only give antibiotics for bacterial infections, they don't work on viruses (you need an antiviral agent), You also must ALWAYS take every one of the pills prescribed and not stop until they are all gone. (Kill EVERY ONE!!!)

So, we have created several of these bugs that are resistant to almost every antibiotic we have. The good news is that if someone's immune system works well it usually isn't a problem (you get carriers, like typhoid mary, they aren't sick but can pass the bug along). If your immune system isn't working well, other diseases, poor nutrition, age, etc. then you are more likely to become infected. It's a royal pain in the @@@ to treat and finally put into remission. That's why prevention is so important. But given the right set of circumstances it can be a losing battle.

Hope this helps

FTS

Fled,

Thanks for the explanation. I know that in some circumstances it can be fatal. She has seen a specialist, but I'm sure that she doesn't take all of the antibiotics.
Are you a doc?

Believer:

Where does one find such a support group??? Is it part of AA?

It is ToughLove International. But it is more for teens. How old is your daughter again?

She's 25, but acts like a teenager. Very, very immature for her age.