The HO was SINGLE at the time...

I don't know who Jerry is...

I appreciate his kindness and consideration of me...

O only said it because of Bob P's comment and then went back and read Jerry's odd wording that made it appear they were one in the same.

As far as offering a dialogue with me... I understand that...my point was and is... I find some of the things YOU do mean spirited and pissy... yet, I KNOW you are here to help people and do so in your own way... but in the last week, you have called me a liar, mean spirited and have questioned why I am here. Seems like the benefit of the doubt is a one way road with you at times. That is my point.

Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Yet you accuse me of this very thing. If you doubt it go back and read the thread where Ml and I struggled. So again... you have an issue when you are not given the benefit of the doubt... which you deserve BTW... even if the thread rubs me the wrong way.

I don't feel that MEDC is being HONEST.

and that can be MADDENING

I often wonder what his point is HERE

I meant about your FEELINGS.

I didn't call you a LIAR.

You are doing me like you said Mel did to you.

If I thought you were a LIAR I would say exactly that.

I'm sorry that I was not clearer.

No, Mimi... I am being direct... the definition of liar is someone that doesn't tell the truth.

or maybe I didn't expect anything different from you

I didn't mean it that way.

I meant something to the effect of you not openly sharing your feelings. That's different than purposefully being deceitful.

I should have said that you were witholding.

I'm apologizing to you about it MEDC...not debating...

I make mistakes..I have a middle-aged brain..as you say, I mean well...

I may disagree with you but I don't want to be mean to you...

Like now..you seem angry with me and seem like you want to argue..but I don't know you well enough to argue with you...
to me this forum is about MARRIAGEBUILDING and HEALING FROM INFIDELITY..not squabbling over words...

That's it..I experience you as being ANGRY, MEDC..and LEM, too..since you mentioned him..talk about PTSD..that's the scariest thing in the world for me...

Mimi... I am not angry at all... you asked a question, I was seeking to answer it.
To the contrary... I have learned to understand you and do not pile on when others are upset at your views or approach. I know you have a good heart and mean well.
And as far as MB goes, you...LA and BR have not cornered the market on things.... I know that many people here do not think your approach is right... and as I pointed out in the words from Dr. Harley, where he said people should learn his basic concepts and then they will be able to come up with their own solutions that are JUST AS GOOD AS HIS...but your approach reaches some people....it is valuable... I have learned from you that some people respond to your way of doing things... some will not.
If Dr. Harley is the leader of MB and he made those words VERY clear and honestly, there is not much room for interpretation in that paragraph cited, then perhaps it is time for some here to realize that this is NOT a one size fits all approach.
So, whatever is making you think I am angry... there is no anger there. So the "people like you" comment refers to just that... you are assuming I am angry and I couldn't be further from that. Again... I am very upfront...if I am angry, I have no problem saying so. I feel no anger towards you right now at all.
And thank you for the apology... and yes, I took the words literally.
Mimi...I would like to think that moving forward, we can just accept that we have different styles.... and yet, we are both here to help people where we can. I afford that to you even when you have me shaking my head... I would appreciate the same from you.

That's funny about the anger thing. If you read my initial posts here... people were trying to get me to be angry. My ex wife used to get worked up because I wouldn't get angry...even my therapist has tried to get anger to be an emotion I am more free to express.
I have been angry on here but a few times...
once when someone insulted my son
the other night with Mel


And it is also funny about Lem... I think he is the most level headed person I have run into on MB (well, him and Plank)...I have NEVER seen him angry...just resolute and strong.

Mimi, so that you do not think I am ignoring you, I am heading to bed. I hope you sleep well and can make your H purr again tonight.

MEDC

So by THE PEOPLE LIKE YOU comment you meant those that are BY THE BOOK type of MBers...That certainly is my GOAL!

Yep, that's ME..

It does not matter to me whether folks think that I am RIGHT or WRONG.

I do think that FOLKS have a greater likelihood of MBing SUCCESS, the closer they follow the GUIDELINES provided in the BOOKS.

Thanks for clarifying. I've been called worse things. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

no, the people like you comment was based on a conversation we had before and my own observations about someone that is pretty sensitive and reads into words... like last night when you thought I was angry.

As far as MB, if you follow it to the letter, remember the quote I gave you from the good doctor himself. Even he knows by his own quote that there is no such thing as by the book MB'ers and adapting the program to fit situations is a good thing(again, based solely on his words). It is only here, on the forum where one person has been successful doing things a certain way that they believe that the exact steps they took are best for everyone else. Thankfully even the doctor wrote exactly that after learning his 10 basic concepts that people are able to create their own solutions to their problems.

I hope you have a nice day Mimi. Mb'ers will not get much of my time this day.

It would be interesting to me how you would characterize YOURSELF.



For clarity's sake again, I want to state the need for you to refrain from using your interpretation of this one sentence by Dr. Harley as indication of his recommendation to adapt THE MARRIAGEBUILDER'S PLANS FOR MARITAL RECOVERY. What would be the use of the development of PLANS if he is ENCOURAGING divergence from them? He is not giving an OK to DIVERGENCE from the PLANS. In my view, he is stating, as is logical, that different folks have different EMOTIONAL NEEDS and SITUATIONS require some adaptation but this is not a BLESSING that he is giving to go off course. You are quoting this one paragraph but I am proud to say that I have very extensively studied his books and continue to do so. I also have had several hours of counseling with Steve. No, I am not a MBer's AUTHORITY but I do feel strongly and feel that the Harleys would back me up on their encouragement for folks to FOLLOW THEIR SYSTEM AS CLOSELY AS POSSIBLE WITH MINIMAL DIVERGENCE!

then perhaps you should let Dr. H know that his entire paragraph slated for newcomers is in fact wrong.
See, there are other people here just as schooled in the ways of MB that do not agree with your take on things. Where you see a need for strict adherence to a plan, I see that the doctor himself has recognized that every situation is different and makes accomidations for such.
So, I will continue to use the doctors own words.... and not MY interpretation of those words...his actual words.
You offered an interpretation above, I merely offered his words and let them speak for themselves.

And with that... time for a swim.

MEDC

What I am saying is that I THINK that you are IN FACT wrong in your LITERAL INTERPRETATION of that one paragraph or whatever.

If you do more EXTENSIVE STUDY of Dr. Harley's readings and are able to refer to more than that one paragragh, then you would know this.

If other folks agree with you on this, I would say that they are incorrect as well.

I am basing my viewpoint on my extensive reading of the Harley's books and straight from the horse's mouth statements to me from MBer's PERSONNEL supporting what I am telling you.

I am not saying any of this for your benefit MEDC or to engage in a debate with you about this. I have NO NEED TO BE RIGHT about this so disagree me if you choose to do that.

I am saying this for those that I want to encourage to continue to BELIEVE IN and TO FOLLOW THE MBER'S PROGRAMS for a greater likelihood of attaining MARITAL RECOVERY.

For starters, on page 10 of Surviving an Affair, Dr. Harley states:



This is the preface, sets the pace, for the rest of his book...