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Joined: Jun 2007
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My divorce became final a few days ago and I'm wondering what to do about my surname. I was only married 4 years (5.5 including the separation) and I have a 3 year old daughter from the marriage.
I've always thought it sad when a mother has a different name to her child/children and I thought I would just keep my ex-husband's name assuming that one day I might re-marry and have a new name anyway. I looked at it as not keeping my ex-husbands name, but my daughters.
However, people are starting to ask if I'll go back to my maiden name and have thought it might be a bit wierd if I didn't.
What are your opinions? What did you do, and does the fact I wasn't married to him for very long make a difference?
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Joined: Jun 2000
Posts: 8,069
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Do what you want to do. Don't change it just because other people think you should or question why you haven't.
Do what's legal and best for you and your daughter while looking ahead to how it will play out in your new future.
God Bless and good luck,
Jo
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 486
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Two of my friends did two different things.
One kept her married name (and they never had children!) The other started using her maiden name again, hyphenating it with her married name (like, "Brown-Thompson," keeping her married name last.)
Do what you feel is best in your heart. God bless.
Me: FWW (34)
H: BS (35)
Together 12 years, no children (yet)
LTA: 3 years
D-Day: Sept. 13, 2005 (I confessed)
So blessed, thankful and happy for my wonderful H...
"God lives in the gathering of saints."
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 1,082
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I kept my married name. It has been my name for nearly half my life, and I share the name with my kids.
I remember the day of the divorce my DS then 11, asked me if all our names were going to change now? And he was really worried about it.
I hugged him and said NO - we are still all "xxxxx" (name).
Nobody here knows me by any other last name - it would be a major pain in the rear to change it - so I just kept it.
It's an individual thing.
JinGA
F/40, DD15 DS13
M 1989
DDay his EA May 1998.
S Aug 2004.
D Dec 05. I filed.
4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R.
6/23/07 XH said no to R.
8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B".
1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day.
Ask me about Geocaching!
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 27
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I would suggest that you keep the same last name as your daughter, at least while she's still in school (or if you remarry, of course). It's very common for young children to have different names than their parents nowadays, but I think it makes it easier for the mother and child if their name is the same. It will avoid questions you may not feel like answering.
Also, there's no need to rush into this decision. Keep your ex's name until YOU are sure you want to change it.
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Heh, my XH's GF has one last name (two actually - her maiden name and her xh's surname - depending on the day of the week), and each of her 2 kids has a different last name.
I'm not sure how many times she's been married... but I think she was married to her son's father, but her daughter announced to me one day that her mother and father "never bothered" to get married (!!!!).
3 people, 3 different last names. Confusing.
If you're going to change your name, be sure about it - it's a whole lotta paperwork!
JinGA
F/40, DD15 DS13
M 1989
DDay his EA May 1998.
S Aug 2004.
D Dec 05. I filed.
4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R.
6/23/07 XH said no to R.
8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B".
1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day.
Ask me about Geocaching!
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 44
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Posts: 44 |
Thank You for your responses!
I had pretty much decided to keep my X's name for our daughter...but his family are high profile pastor's within our worldwide church, and that's what made me feel uneasy about keeping it. I'm not even sure why!
I think what I've gotten from you all is to make sure before I make any changes, think about my child, and not worry about what anyone else thinks!
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Joined: Apr 2007
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Amen!
If you're comfy with the name - keep it. If you aren't - don't. It's *your* choice, not anyone else's.
JinGA
F/40, DD15 DS13
M 1989
DDay his EA May 1998.
S Aug 2004.
D Dec 05. I filed.
4/07 Post-D Plan A with 180, with hopes of R.
6/23/07 XH said no to R.
8/24/07 Went on a date with someone new, "B".
1/22/08 Still seeing B, life is good! Learning and growing each day.
Ask me about Geocaching!
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