Have you experience the MB 2x4?

What is an MB 2x4? Let's go on my definition, since it's not in any dictionary. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Orchid's POV: MB 2x4 - strong MB approach used on a poster who says the want help but not quite getting it via the conventional more gentle approach.

An example of the MB 2x4:

Orchid: Let us know when you want us to help you.
Do you really want to continue living with a WS?

Oh, there are others. At times some post they are hurt by the help. It has happened before. The point of this is to help other have the correct POV regarding posts here. Rarely have there been posts where the intent is to hurt. Most of the posts taken that way had a totally different intent.

Did I ever receive an MB 2x4? Yes, many times. I really needed it. In fact because of the time and effort those people took (some of them posted a lot into the wee hours of my morning), I am still here giving back and repaying MB for that help. I was able to recognize the intent was sincere and the message was valuable. Even though I didn't want to hear it all the time, I knew it was for my own good. I didn't have a lot of help options as well as I had here on MB, so I pulled the good out of those posts, applied as best as I could and moved forward. I will forever be grateful to those who took the time to make me feel safe and get me back on track. As a result, no OP or WS will feel safe around me. LOL!!! The vibes from me even affected an WS having lunch with his OW at McDonald's one day a few years ago. I turned on my MB radar and welp (I made a general statement out loud and watched his reaction)..... he almost choked on his french fries. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

As always, you opinions are greatly appreciated.

Just to clarify, I have been thinking about doing this type of thread for quite a while. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

MB 2x4 single choice

No, I have not (14%, 5 Votes)

Yes, I have expereince the MB 2x4 (86%, 31 Votes)

Total Votes: 36 Voting on this poll ends: 0 seconds ago

Of course it is worth it! That seems to be a no-brainer! A true friend whether on MB or IRL will tell the truth and if they see you reacting or "not getting it" shows true caring. I would rather someone give me a massive 2by than say nothing. It is not pleasant but sometime what we all need.

I didn't vote, since I'm not sure if I have technically gotten a 2x4 or not.

Certainly there have been some occasions where I had the unvarnished truth spoken to me, and I appreciated it very much.

I never felt clobbered, though, not sure how much is my perception... or lack of it, though. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Another possible term for a MB 2x4 is "tough love."

Thank you, MB, for all of the "tough love" you've given me over the past several years. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I have gotten some, well many, mostly from Mimi, as well as FaithfulWife CJ, and the Killer Bees. She (Mimi) has been instrumental in helping me see what WIFE means. I'm re-learning so many things that I USED to know.

In terms of personal healing and growth, 2x4s, here, at MB can be harsh sometimes, and it may take a poster a few days to really see the point, but once they do, growth occurs. I've been tough about Plan B with some, maybe TOO tough (probably due to my OWN stooooopid mistakes). I don't know if what I've sent their way is a 2x4, but it was definitely tough love.

I answered "NO", because I actually received MB 4x8's both in Plan A and in Plan B.

Some of them I would have rather had my hair set on fire and put out with a brick. LOL (j/k)

But Hey! I'm the first to admit I'm a slow learner, but once I get it, its MINE!

Mahalo L.

OUCH! I am still black and blue....but I needed it.

Thanks for all those who choose to weild the big sticks!

I have received the MB 2x4 because, if you remember, my exH was abusive and I kept "hoping" that "he really meant it this time" and I kept going back.

At the moment, I perceived the MB 2x4 as being "unsupportive" and kicking me when I was down. Nonetheless, it was the dose of reality that I needed to wake me up to the truth of my situation. I learned more slowly than some here would have liked, but I did learn every time I got an MB 2x4.

Did I like them? No.
Did I need them? Yes.

Keep on doing loving 2x4's.



--CJ

Oh Res, you have skewed my poll. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Here's a 2x4 I recall: Do you want to be right or want to be married? That was a whole thread by itself. It was a thread that has helped many.

The 2x4 or 4x8 whatevers..... are basically reality checks. I believe BR started that one years ago and when I read it, I was mad. Yet I knew I had better build in some cool down time and then read it again. I think I did that process 3xs over about 3 weeks.... or maybe longer!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Yea I c/b stubborn. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Still I stand by those loving lessons. Hard truth, tough love.... wouldn't have it any other way. Why? Because I would have spit out anything less. At least until I came to my senses. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

Twyla
JL
K
LowOrbit
BrambleRose

have given me deserved 2X4s which were intended to help me be a better person (there are others, but these are the specific ones I can recall where I stopped in my tracks and realized I needed to make a change)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I've been slapped with insults as well ... the motive was different ... not to help me but to humiliate me (impossible) or show me what an [censored] I am (possible) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Twyla stopped me mid-flounce several times. I don't believe I ever expressed my gratitude for her wise 2x4s.

TA

BrambleRose, Pepperband, JL, and more than anyone, BigKahuna!

WOW. Now I really am humbled by that.

I do not think in the history of my time here (approaching three years) I have ever dolled out a 2 X 4. My answer is NO to the question.

Sincerely,


Lemonman, MD

Oh, I'm so sorry lemonman!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

<<<<<<<<<<WHACK>>>>>>>>>>

There ya go. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Feel like you're one of the "in" crowd now? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />

And I was just going to say that my 2 X 4 was Lemonman telling me to look back three years to see that my posts haven't changed.

I did, however, make a change. I'm seeing a plastic surgeon about the lump that I've been hiding under bangs for the last 8 1/2 years. Next week. From my totally unscientific background, I believe that what happened is that my frontal vein was pinched by an unnatural shifting of my skull bones. The weird thing about this is that it changes. It's time I had a doctor look at it.

Cherished

Hmmmm, have I received any 2x4s? Hmmmm, I need to think about this. Gosh, have I? I really need to give this some thought... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

The only 2x4s that made any impact were those given from the depths of people's love and caring. I hope you know you are. The nasty ones made no impact whatsoever. I hope you know who YOU are too.

I thought LM w/b the only legitimate one but C said he gave her a 2x4. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Btw, the 2x4 goes both ways......if you have given it or been on the receiving end. Is it worth it?

L.

Is it worth it?

Yes, with reservations.

The 2x4s I got that REALLY made a difference were "truths". They were unvarnished truths. They didn't attack ME personally, they attacked my behaviour. They didn't denigrate ME, they didn't make me feel worthless. They were truths and they were given from caring for another human being. I'm forever grateful for them.

The insults, the "having to be right at any cost", the "hidden agenda" 2x4s were nothing to me.

I've given a few. I'm sorry to say that I resort to sarcasm and iciness and I'm not a person I like when I do that.

KiwiJ,

I like your moxie. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I agree we have to temper our 2x4 but in some cases no matter how kid glove we try to be, some get offended. Can't be helped.

Btw, I can have a wicked tongue if I really want to. Fortunately, no one here has been on the receiving end of it yet. Not even SNL. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.