Post deleted by Gruffles

Just as an experiment, Gruffles, tell your wife you are considering coming on the trip with them.

See if what we predicted comes true. Listen for all the quotes that come out of her mouth....

I'm not saying book a ticket...I'm suggesting you tell her you're going to....and just see....

If she reacts like we predicted, BOOK IT.


As a Former Wayward Wife, I can tell you she is for SURE plotting to see him while she's gone.
She will find a way to beg off one of the events/trips/activities the kids REALLY want to go to. MIL and FIL will let her stay home (she's sick...whatever....) and 5 minutes after they are out of the driveway -- OM will be with her.

G,
You mentioned a few posts back that your marriage was not the best before the A and that you weren't such a great H. Keep in mind that it is very easy to look at your marriage with a critical eye when you are trying to diagnose what went wrong, why did my spouse get involved with another person.

Keeping marriages the best they can be is not easy and it takes work to do it. This is the work that many if not most of us married people do not do. Try not to think of your M as a bad M, even before the A. It is likely that your M was as good as many. You are responsible for your deeds within the marriage. She is entirely responsible for having an A within that marriage.
Lake

Just so you know...

My wife's OM was a broke a$$, racist, immature, unintelligent [censored] too that WW NEVER would have ended up with.

This is nearly always the case.

Infidels affair down.

Just find a way to go with her. Please.

Trusting her ain't worth the risk.

IF she's lying, as we all think she is...the affair will become more deeply engrained and harder to break. Your recovery will become more unlikely on both sides of the fence.

Go on the trip. Your family needs you too.

Mr. Wondering

Post deleted by Gruffles

oh sure, she'll try the nice stuff first to talk you out of it.

"we can't afford it"
"you can't because of your job"

but stick to your guns, tell her you have it all worked out. (borrowed the money from dad, arranged it at work...)

Then the big guns will come out.

"you don't trust me"
"you're controlling me"
"I need time away to think"
"there's no place for you"
"my parents don't want you there"
"you will always be this way"
"I can't live like this"

What she means by all of that:

You are ruining all my fun. Now I can't get together with OM, because you will be watching my every move. OM will be angry/disappointed/let down because I promised to spend time with him.

She will act like a spoiled brat.

I wouldn't say..."I'm thinking about it"

Then she'll stay in "nice mode" in an effort to manipulate you out of such consideration.

Instead...say

"I'm coming".

Keep it simple. State it as fact.

When she objects just state that you'd be a crazy husband to not go. Then, to avoid the "controlling" issue act like you are doing it for your "marriage" and "family".

Stuff like:

"We could use the time together as a family".

"Our marriage needs time togehter"

"We need to have some fun togther as a family and as husband and wife"

"Come on...I thought you'd be excited" and/or "I thought you'd be surprised and excited" (innocently diffusing the "controlling" argument which if she still throws that at you...indicate "Why would I be going to keep you away from OM, you already told me you were done with that loser and I trust you...you are done with him, aren't you???? Yes, fine...let's have fun then, the whole family together" -- Reverse babble).


Leave no room for doubt you intend to go. Maybe even say "I've already bought a ticket and got invited by your mother". I've already gotten the time off from work. I've explained to Mr. Bossman about how badly I need to go and he's allowed (overcoming the job objection in wife's mind).

Mr. Wondering