Here the latest--WH moved out to live with OMW taking all his things on 6/27. Only had one phone contact since then to tell him to come by the house and pick up some other personal items he left behind. He also broke off contact with his mom, dad and older sister (who all are all devastated by his actions and fully support me).

This morning he calls his sister in tears saying he is overwhelmed. He is loves them and he is okay, but now he is thinking he does not want to live with OMW and will try to get a 2nd job so he can get his own place.

Then he leaves me a VM at my office saying he was calling to say hi and that he was concerned about me and that he hoped his calling did not upset me. He was in tears and could barely speak.

BTW, when he came back home from OMW to "try" to make the marriage work 8 weeks ago he pulled the same stunt--it's like he pulls out the same script and re-reads it line for line!

My plan is this: I need to have him sign off on a SA. My intent was to call him Wed to see if he had any input (the only issue is the house which he promised to sign over to me--the other financials are divided and secured and he has all of his personal belongings.) I was going to drop off the SA at his job on Thursday so he could reivew it and then have him sign the SA and deed on Monday at my attorney's office. (He does not have an attorney because he cannot afford one.)

After that, I planned to go into a DARK, DARK Plan B until he re-commits to working on marriage, goes to MC and moves out and has NC with OWM for life. Or until he files for divorce in a year.

Should I stick with the plan as I outlined above? My instinct tells me I should not allow him to move back in just yet because I don't think the A has imploded, despite his current "distress".

I hate to seem cold-hearted, but my advice is to get the SA signed first. Yes, he seems to regret what he has done, but by tomorrow he may be deeply back in the affair again.

Have you done a solid Plan A, and for how long?

I think you could be very right. My XH moved in and out many times. Everytime he came home, he had the right words but no actions followed.

Perhaps, you should not let him move home, but, continue with plan A. He needs to show you real effort in leaving the OMW and working on your marriage. Still, have a time limit for this. Plan B is still there and ready to be implemented.

Just my thoughts.... let's see what others think.

Loni

I did good Plan A for 2 months. Unsucessful because he broke NC after one week of returning home and made no attempt to work on our R--said he was unwilling to give OMW up.

I cannot do Plan A any longer. Frankly, any love I have for him is nearly gone now. If there is any chance to save this marriage I need to Plan B now.

Then do it. Write up your plan B letter now, don't respond to all his "boo-hoo'ing", get the SA in place and drop your letter...now. If you have the belief that he's not sincere, then don't fall for it.

Just my thoughts.

I also talked to my SIL this afternoon and she said he is definitely still foggy and lying. He tried to convice her that when he left this last time it was for the best because things got "pretty heated" between us as he packed his clothes in garbage bags.(Heaven forbid I get angry at him for continuing to lie and trying to manipulate me when he was home, knowing full well he was going back to her.) He also gave her the sob story about how I would not let him continue to come to the house and see the doggies or take photos of them with him to OMW's apartment (there's a LONG story behind that one that I won't go into here).

Bottom line -- a lot of talk with no action, and way too many contradictions. She thinks he really called because he is trying to figure out where I am going with the SA, since his mistress just signed away her rights to the martial home with her BH last week.

So I am holding tight!!!

You asked for my advice, but I think you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. Your WH is fence-sitting, and he will continue to do so until someone (you) knocks him off. Plan B should do that. Get the separation agreement in place, and write him a very heartfelt plan B letter where you state that still want to save the marriage, and you'll do whatever it takes to make it work, but only after he agrees to the conditions of your plan B letter. Once he agrees to that, then we can talk about how to fill his love bank back up.

Ditto what everyone above has said...

He's a cake-eating fence-sitter who is totally in the fog. He can't stand the thought of losing you and his life but isn't willing to commit to it.

Plan B seems like a totally appropriate response here. Since you've already made provisions for a SA, I'd pull the trigger on that and then go dark totally.

absolutely go to plan B. If your bank is almost empty, do it. Remember to keep it DARK. That will help to keep him from making any more withdrawals from you.

Good luck and keep posting. Plan B is very hard but worthwhile.

Loni