My H and I have been separated 4 months. During that time I was doing a pretty good Plan A & he kept telling me that he was thinking about reconciling & that his feelings for me were growing. He wanted to spend time with me & told me he loved me. However, his OW lives 1,000 miles away and most of their contact has been by phone - they've seen each other about 6 times, the longest for 10 days.

He would not give her up & said he needed to spend more time with her to decide which of us he wanted to be with. So he is currently off seeing her for 2 weeks. I told him that I did not believe he would ever choose in this situation because he never deals with reality with her because they aren't really together. It is all vacation time & fantasy land.

So I filed for divorce and am trying to be strong & have no contact. I hoped that by filing he would really look at his choices and realize what he was losing. That she wouldn't be so appealing while he was out there if he knew that she was his only option. He knows that if he came to me & gave her up that I would stop the divorce.

I don't know if I did the right thing. Maybe I just pushed him into her arms more. On the other hand, I truly don't feel I can be with someone who loves me so little and treats me with such disrespect.

I guess I'm just looking for some experience with this long distance situations. I really feel like it would be better if she were here. Their affair has been going on for 8 months now - 6 months physical.

I am wondering why you decided not to do a Plan B, which is the next suggested plan in the MB program?

maisy, did you expose the affair?

Yes I exposed the affair. His mother just accepts the OW. She went to a party hosted by my H & the OW at my old house a month after I moved out. The OW was also included in family Easter dinner - also the month after we separated. This from a woman who claims to care about character and morals. The OW's parents are quite happy that their daughter has found a man who appears to be financially stable because their daughter is such a loser. So that didn't help.

My H mother also totally bailed him out of any financial hardship he would have felt at our separation - gave him a pile of money so he has money to go see the OW for 2 weeks. And yes, she did claim to care about me & our marriage.

The only thing I haven't exposed is I haven't told the OW that he has kept seeing me this whole time. She thinks that we are totally done and he has been faithful to her. But I don't think she'd believe me anyway - or care. She just wants to get him & would use my exposure of his behavior to push him farther away from me.

I tried to do Plan B. I didn't have the strength. I feel like the only way I can break from his manipulation is to end the marriage. He says what I want to hear to keep me hopeing - but he won't end things with her. And he hasn't taken any action to learn about himself. He called the minister to talk to him - but never went.

How is a long distance affair different than one where the OW is in the same town? Does it take longer for the WAH to see the flaws? Or do they stay forever in fantasy land?