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Every other month a new thread pops up commiserating the sorry posting styles of others, replete with long winded analyses and scrutinization of those other sorry, insensitive bastages. The problem with such threads is......they are futile. They are never productive for the simple reason that we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves. We can sit around and wring our hands and froth at the mouth all day long about the "motivations" of some posters, [are they really "caring and loving" enough?] who post "vile, caustic" posts, [just not "vile" or "caustic" enough to make an edit by the mods, of course] that do not meet our personal lofty standards. But to what end? People post in the manner they see fit, according to their personalities and that cannot be changed. Sadly, these insensitive bastages don't give a crapola about the personal standards of others, these fools believe they are the arbiters of their own standards. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> Besides, those sorry SOBs are not likely to ever see the error of their ways. They are hopeless cases, of course... sigh..... So, instead of playing Energizer Bunny, I am suggesting a BOLD NEW TACTIC! One that really WILL produce results! What say those of us who are so interested in change, focus on something we can change? Namely, ourselves! We could take our OWN inventory! Wouldn't that be a novel approach? And so much more RATIONAL, since that is something we DO have control over! Instead of doing the same thing over and over again that does NOT produce results [the definition of insanity] what say we think outside of the box? So, every other month, when the inevitable teeth gnashing thread, taking the inventory of OTHERS, comes up we can just bump up this thread and take our OWN DAMN INVENTORY! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> So, I will start with myownbadself! I feel I have really fallen down on the job lately and have not been forthright enough with waywards who join our board. I have beat around the bush when I should have been much more forthright. I pledge to end this mealy mouthed behavior and say it like it is! No more PANSY TALK for me! Secondly, I openly apologize to all PIGS. In the past I have told numerous waywards that affair sex was about as "romantic as 2 pigs rutting in the pig pen." Now, this is not fair to pigs. Pigs are doing nothing wrong when they get it on in the pig pen, adulterers ARE. So this is an insulting analogy to innocent pigs and for that, I apologize. I won't stop using the phrase, though, unless some PIG comes on here and reads this. So, until pigs fl....I mean get computers in the pig pens, I think I am safe from hurting a pigs feelings. If any of you are pigs, please accept my apology for the insult. If you are not a pig and are not having affair sex, then you know this does apply, and hopefully, will not take it personally. About "alley cats in heat." I fear I cannot bring myself to apologize as I am not overly fond of cats. In truth, I am underly fond of cats. A cat is sneaky and no better than a VARMINT, IMO. So, honestly, I do not care if some silly cat gets on the internet and has their silly feelings hurt by that remark. I say GOOD, you silly varmint! And to those of you who own those devil varmints, I say: GET A REAL PET, PEOPLE! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ok, I feel better already! NEXT?
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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I'm perfect and so is my inventory. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
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You lying dawg, you is a YANKEE!!! Do I have to take your inventory for you, Missy??
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Fine then! I will take your inventory for you, Miss Jo: 1. is a yankee 2. does not use Aquanet 3. likes CATS 4. does not love TEXAS There ya go! Read em and weep! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Pssssst Mellie
<<<< -------
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in truth
this is one of the kindest and most understanding forums around
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My inventory
I have become far to (or is it "too") intolerant of myself when I exhibit or portray tolerance of intolerance. I must be more forthright with such.
I also must forgo my impatience with the veteran posters that don't understand and don't get that they don't understand.
I need to simplify my arguments: How about...I'm right and you're wrong.
I need to discontinue "respecting" wrongness. I still don't get fully why "I" have the problem if I fail to fully respect wrong opinions. Agree to disagree...says who??
I need to deliver my first true 2 x 4. I don't believe I've ever delivered one specifically to a real person...only trolls. I think maybe I'll make that a goal for next month. Great...now I've got to put taking care of this procrastination problem on my list. Maybe a good new years resolution for 2008.
Mr. Wondering <-- just not that funny today
FBH(me)-51 FWW-49 (MrsWondering)
DD19 DS 22 Dday-2005-Recovered
"agree to disagree" = Used when one wants to reject the objective reality of the situation and hopefully replace it with their own.
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Inventory -
One
Two
Three
Four
Five
Ok all the toes are still there on that foot.
Now lets see........
Which one did I just count?
Oh, it was the right one - I still have my shoe on the left one.
One
Two
Three............
SS
I think sometimes about all the pain in the world. I hope we can ease that here, even if only a little bit.
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I have begun to take offence on behalf of others.
I must stop that.
MB Alumni
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Self-inventory: Orchid (3) - me, myself & I <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> I can be nice. I can be me. I can be rotten. I would certainly fear the one in the middle. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Why? Because that's the one who posts the most. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> L.
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Hmmm, not very much different from those "other" threads, this one. Just cleverly disguised.
But what the heck, here's my inventory:
1. I am too cynical
2. I am too suspicious of other's motives
3. I am sick of working on myself. I am just not that interesting.
Love y'all!
NOW
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3. I am sick of working on myself. I am just not that interesting.
Ding ! Ding ! Ding ! Spot on, NOW. I utterly agree. About ME not YOU of course <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
MB Alumni
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Just checking before I respond.... IS this the MARRIAGE BUILDERS DISCUSSION FORUM? You know, the one designed, developed and provided by the DR. HARLEY? Is it APPROPRIATE and ACCEPTABLE to FOCUS on MARRIAGEBUILDER'S PRINCIPLES here..you know like EMOTIONAL NEEDS and PLAN A and PLAN B? Am I way OFF BASE? Am I in the RIGHT or WRONG PLACE? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Melody,
Are you sure bastages is a word?
Weav's inventory:
I've been walking around all day with the rap lyrics of "Now why'd you have to go an get my dog all mad? Now I'm going to have to split this room in half" in my head.
That's right, I'm a diehard rap fan, especially DETROIT rap.
Here's the one I've got stuck in my head this A.M., and it is very distracting for me.
"I know a guy who took too many pills
Now he's got a mansion that sits on a hill
14 million served that's correct
17 cars, 3 cribs, and 2 jets
I came to test to blood, sweat, tears
Persevered for ten long years
10 years, I was there for 8
And I ain't seen a meaner mutha puttin' food on our plate
I've learned to hate, and that's a damn shame
Because I'm gettin' pretty good at this ****** [censored] game
See, fame ain't the problem, it's broke…
Pissin' on my dawg cause they're down on their luck
Now you're stuck like a pig in the poke
You know you're makin' him mad, and you're goin' to get choked
Don't you know every dog has a limit
Yo. I'm about to kick somebody's [censored] in a minute
[Chorus:]
Why'd you have to go and get my dog all mad
I'm Gonna Split This Room In Half
Sometimes success leads to stress
Legal roles and dumb (hoes) and death threats
Nat work for network and that works
And people jerk for perks that ain't theirs
And that hurts. You work your whole life
And that still ain't enough
Cause a bunch of punks wanna poach your stuff
That's not your stuff
So don't touch that
And don't make me break with this baseball bat, cause
[Chorus]
You're not playing nice
My dog likes to share
You're goin to get smacked for not playin fair
It's in the air you can feel the tension
We don't take kind to senseless dissension
You bark like a dog. You fight like a dog
You live by your dog. You die by your dog
Now there's a calm before the storm
And I'd hate to be you when it starts to get warm
Clouds are forming. Crowds are swarming
You've had for-warning. Now pray for mourning, cause
[Chorus] (2X)
~~Uncle Kracker
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Mimi, you are in the right place! This is just a little breather from our monthly 'lets take everyone else's inventory' parade. I thought it might be more productive to take our OWN inventories for a change!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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In all seriousness regarding my PERSONAL INVENTORY...
(Picking up on Pep's point in the other thread)
I WILL STOP ALLOWING MYSELF FROM BEING REDIRECTED FROM MY FOCUS ON THE MARRIAGE onto a FOCUS on the poster's feelings.
In my view, as indicated above, this is a MARRIAGEBUILDING SITE and not a EMOTIONAL SUPPORT site.
The MARRIAGEBUILDER'S APPROACH, the way I see it, is BEHAVIORALLY FOCUSED.
Steve calls what he does COACHING and not COUNSELING..not helping you to develop INSIGHT or UNDERSTANDING...
The MOI..Get your pencil and paper out..DO THIS, DO THAT, SAY THIS, SAY THAT..to work towards the GOAL of MARITAL RECOVERY...
I made it happen..a joyful life..filled with peace, contentment, happiness and fabulocity.
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Melody,
Are you sure bastages is a word? Weav, I work with all guys and guys memorize the lines in ahem.... "guy" movies. This is a word that I learned from them so it must be from some movie. It was in a movie, therefore, it must be a real word! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Nice inventory, weav! And I sure enjoyed your posts over on Orchids thread. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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[color:"red"] Dear Mimi[/color] Is it APPROPRIATE and ACCEPTABLE to FOCUS on MARRIAGEBUILDER'S PRINCIPLES here..you know like EMOTIONAL NEEDS and PLAN A and PLAN B? What? Actually voice vehement pro-MB-concepts & advice and risk offending someone??? HOW DARE YOU ! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> Why .... you're nothing but a kool-aid-drinking-group-think-marriage-nazi ....... like me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
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I WILL STOP ALLOWING MYSELF FROM BEING REDIRECTED FROM MY FOCUS ON THE MARRIAGE onto a FOCUS on the poster's feelings.
In my view, as indicated above, this is a MARRIAGEBUILDING SITE and not a EMOTIONAL SUPPORT site. BRAVO!! I am adding this to mine, Mimi!
"It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena.." Theodore Roosevelt Exposure 101
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Okay, here is my self inventory list and all the things I need to work on to improve myself: 1. I’m “thin skinned” and tend to take things too personally. 2. I sometimes except the worst and then jump to negative conclusions/assumptions (disrespectful judgments) too quickly. 3. If someone treats me with hostility, disrespect and sarcasm and if I feel I'm falsely accused of something, I get very upset & angry and then tend to react in kind…a tendency I hate in myself. My struggle to overcome this indicates a lack of self control. 4. Sometimes I’m too defensive. Most of the time I’m not even aware of this instinctive tendency. Just Learning pointed this out to me on my thread on In Recovery a while ago (thanks JL! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) and now I make a conscious effort to be aware of this trait and not be so defensive. A while ago I've read someone posting “take no offence, offer no defense”. I think this is probably a good mantra to live by. 5. I still have insecurity, self-esteem, self worth and lack of confidence issues I struggle with from time to time. These are deeply ingrained issues within myself and I look forward to the day to get 100% rid of these things. 6. I have a deep need to be accepted and therefore I don’t handle rejection from anyone very well. Sometimes this prevents me from "speaking up" about something I know I need to because I'm afraid I will be "attacked", rejected or "hurt" someone’s feelings. Because of all the things above I'm sometimes "my own worst enemy". There are many other things I feel is “wrong" with me and need to improved, but these are the main things that came to mind.
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