DIG:
Welcome back!
But this is like the HOTEL California, You can check out, but you can't ever LEAVE.
What happened?
You and him were discussing things from two different places expecting two different answers and not understanding why the thing went off track.
First:
Never ask your H:
"I asked him how he felt about us"
"I were doing anything to make him unhappy"
Because it just puts him on the defensive. Cus he doesn't know the right answer, and the wrong one gets him in trouble. Think about the questions you asked as similar to this question: "Do these pants make my butt look big?"
If you had started with this:
"I said tell me why you said the above things."
As in: "Honey, earlier, you said that I was gone alot? And since I was gone, what did you need me for?"
Then he can give you an answer that he might know the answer too.
He also may not feel in control or has a handle on the family schedule. You know, where you keep track of the kids ballet, piano, soccer, football and school activities. You know these things, in your head, and its on your calendar. Make sure you talk to him about what is coming up tommorrow, the next day after that and next week. A little heads up never hurts, and reminders when you are talking about things doesn't hurt either.
"your gone to much" indicates that to me. He doesn't know what you are doing. Let him know. Call, text, keep him in the loop. Leave time available for him to plan something. Some unstructured time.
Are you getting your 15 hours a week yet?
As for the rest of your conversation, I think your ending summed it up:
"He didn't say anything to this either. He just went to sleep."
After saying things like:
"I know you have a hard to(time)expressing your feelings"
"tell me how you feel about things that are going on around here"
"I need to know how you feel about me."
You need to make it safe for him to say things to you. To have you respond in a manner that allows him to continue to speak and to have his voice heard.
I know that you might have spoken to him for a while during the evening convo and you have distilled most of it to the paragraphs above, and we do not get the nuances and pauses of being there.
But don't you see how you were challenging him on most points. Your topics of conversation are valid, and need to be discused, but you did them in a way that resulted in him always being on the denfensive.
And the first thing you do after returning from all the morning activities is challenge him:
"After I got through I said I have been here most of the day are you happy?"
No he wasn't. And you were not really home. What was he doing? You said he was working. Does he have an office in the home that he needs to do work from? Or was he goofing off on the internet (like I AM!)? Was he doing something around the house? Did you let him know you returned?
"Honey, I'm home! Glad to see you! Want to come out for a swim?"
Then the Glasses/Baby/TV thing was just an exercise in going One-Up on him. Stop.
"But, HE said something MEAN" No, he didn't, he was reacting to a differet set of circumstances. I know more about what happened in that conversation then he does. You had to stop and compose that entire paragraph, just to make him look bad, but in reality, all you had to do was ask him, what was going on? You were going northbound on the track, and he was going southbound. You two crashed. But realize that sometimes, you had your set of facts and are talking to him about that, and he has his set. When you see something like that happening again, stop, count to ten, and then go and look him in the eye and get all the facts together. And reduce the tension.
Remember DIG, we are trying to fix behaviors that have existed for many years before you met him, and the behaviors that have built up between you since you met. It will not happen overnight.
Are you getting your 15 hours a week?
LG