I filed for my D. WH is supposed to be served this week.

Yesterday I tried to set down a boundary with him when he called to tell the girls goodnight, he hung up on me.

Today I tried to tell him about something with the girls (my oldest DD wanted to talk to him) and he did not answer his phone. (she left him a message).

And it makes me angry. It makes me angry that he treats his family that he left in such a rude manner.

My DD cried and cried, she wanted her daddy, where is he. It broke my heart. She has not been that way in a LONG LONG time.

After she went to bed, I called his cell phone, and left him the message, "class act. That is all I have to say."

I know it was petty. I know that it was silly to do, but I was upset that he did not even call my DD back today.

And I find myself struggling here. I need to vent. He is going to be served. I was advised to be 'friendly' with WH until all was said and done. BUT I am getting mad at him all over again!
I do not know if it was because I talked to my friend who said that she did not know how I can even be civil to him, or what. But I suddenly find him despicable.

I need all the advice I can get to be civil to him while the D is going on... if there is no contest to anything, it can be done in 60 days... I need strength to help me be calm, so that I do not act all crabby at him, and ruin our agreement....

Keep it legal but say your piece. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

No need to watch out for the toes when he has a noose around his neck. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Vent away!!!

Hugz to you and your children. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

L.

Welol, she is trying to get him to sign a document that really helps her out financially. Until then, Sadmo, keep it civil and bite your tongue! Once the papers are signed though....

Good point MD.

She can vent here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

L.

This is always a great place to vent!

Thanks... I need to vent once in a while!!!! I had to go to the A's yesterday to sign the papers (the original ones had a a court hearing for child custody, but we already have that established, so they had to re-write them. Grrr.) and the A cautioned me to be SUPER NICE. That if I am SUPER NICE to my A-hole WH (grin, he did not say that) that I will make out really well. Not to rock the boat.

I am trying!!!

My DD wakes up today, and starts asking, "did daddy get my message? Why didn't he call me? I want my daddy, I want a sleepover!" I had her call his cell phone -right to voicemail. She left him another message, "daddy, why can't I talk to you...."

He called back an hour later, and he talked to her. I had her answer the phone. She gave the phone to me (he wanted to talk to me). He gave me this lame-o story about how his phones at his house 'are not working' he did not hear them ring, and he accidentally left his cell phone in his car, he is SO SORRY. I did not say anything except, "well, you know how to use a phone too." He just said, "I am sorry. It will not happen again."

SURE IT WON'T!!! Should I hold my breath now... or wait??? HMMMMMM???????

He met someone that he is 'interested' in again... so this is why he is dissing his kids now. His last post separation R ended, so now he is on the prowl. He tearfully told me when he was crying about OW that 'it is hard to date, and be M, and that it is hard to explain to the person you are with that it is your wife or kids on the phone." No sh*t!!!! So I am sure that he will not answer his phone a lot anymore when the girls call. How do I explain this to them? Daddy is not answering his phone because he is too busy? It breaks my heart.

It makes me mad.

GRRR.

I have a lawyer who explained to me that men do one of two things in these situations: They withdraw from the kids and the ex, basically leaving them, or they go on a legal tear to get revenge on the wife.

I believe your H is showing signs that he's likely to detatch.

I can tell you the temptation is there to leave and start again elsewhere. I couldn't do it myself because the guilt would kill me.

You just need to accept that your H is simply not going to respond with care for your family or the kids. It is sad and it is frustrating to witness.

I've gone through the same where my daughter wishes to speak with the ex, but the ex would rather be with her BF than answer her phone and interrupt her date.

I interrupt whatever I'm doing or whomever I'm talking to and tell them that my daughter is calling.

He is a selfish person and that is likely not going to change no matter how much you rant.

Just expect it.

two things... his phone could have been out. mine has been from time to time. it happens.

the issue is not gender specific... mom's walk away too...or make things so hard on the dads that the give up.

BUT... be nice...for now. Get his signature. Then vent all you like. Realize that while you are always going to help your kids through this mess he brought into their lives, it is not up to you to tell your H how to act with his children. He is a big boy and will sink or swim on his own actions.

I know.

I talked to him today when he got the girls. I told him to expect the papers. We talked about a lot of it, he teared up, hugged me, said he would help me out whenever I needed it. I was calm, no tearing up, just apprehension about telling him. (a friend of ours said to tell him, that no good would come over not telling him in advance).We had a decent conversation, he again said that he would give me the house, etc.

He goes to leave, and I look- BAM!!!

Huge hickey on his neck.

It upset me. Why? I had a jealous fit!!! Why is he seeing people (AGAIN!!!!) and why have I been unable to even bring myself to want to date???? Other reason why? He always HATED, HATED hickeys. And here he is parading around with one.

So I said, "nice hickey". Then he said, "well, it was not supposed to happen." I said, "Then how did it get there? Never mind. Let me just tell you, I better NOT hear the kids utter that woman's name." He looked white. He said, "I am not going to bring her around the kids." I said, "good, I hope so." Then I said that I was leaving to go shopping (which I thankfully had said I was going to do) I asked him to lock the door and I left.

And then MELTDOWN. I cried my eyes out!!!! I did not expect that!!!(the crying) I have been ok.

I just cannot believe that he move on so easily, and not only that, that he did not even file for the D, when HE was the one that really wanted it. At this point I do too, or I would not have. But why did he not file at all? Make it easier on me.

I am just sitting here, licking my wounds, feeling sorry for myself. I am going to go out and walk my dogs in a few minutes before he gets back with the kids. Jerk. AND I HAVE TO BE NICE TO HIM!!!! 60 DAYS. I will be ok. SIGH.

At least not until he figures some things out.

He may never do that, but I recommend limiting communication with him in case he does. Is he an Alien (typical wayward) or is he just a jerk? Waywards are insensitive, inconsiderate, hurtful beings. They are in pain themselves and out of defensiveness will lash out at convenient targets.

Hey, my idiot WH gave me the phone not working excuse as well. His intention was to get me to call his apartment phone so his bimbo would answer. I'll join your pity party. What gets me is that this man was once an upstanding, intelligent person. I'm not sure what happened or how someone can turn into such a #@$$@!! like this. Someday, somebody will discover a virus that causes it.

Sad... you will date when you are ready... and there will be plenty of suitors out there for you too. Men like me who have been through the wringer, appreciate a good woman when we see one...
as much as you don't believe it right now... there will come a time in the not to distant future where you wouldn't take him back for a million dollars.
You're a good woman and I am sorry for your pain... you do not deserve this.

MEDC

Well, his phone was working, it was he was ON A DATE!!!!

I walked my dogs, I calmed down, I talked to some friends. I know that I am doing the right thing (D), but I just cannot believe how insensitive he is to me.

I have come to the conclusion that he is totally just a selfish jerk, who probably feels a little (key word little) bad about all of this, and he has been trying to 'let me down easy'. By being 'nice'.

W/E.

He dropped the kids back off here, and he tried to small talk me. I could not muster up a smile, nothing. I just felt disgust. He hugged the girls and kissed them, then he came up to me to hug me. I just stood there. He put his arms around me, and I said, "Come on WH, seriously." He pulled his arms away, and started the useless questions... designed to see if I am 'mad' or not. "So I pick them up from the sitters this Friday?" The correct answer is: ding ding ding!!!!(For the past 2 years.... YESSSS!!!!!"

"So, you want me to drop them off Sat. after you work?" The correct answer, the same answer for the past year.....ding ding ding!!!! YES!!!!

He is scum of the earth. Him and his hickeys. What a jerk.

I almost wish that I had someone who could put 5 hickeys on my neck, and I could then casually strut around with them, all the while giggling about how they 'were not supposed to be there, things happen, a-ha, ha!"

So, here I am. I am pouring myself an amaretto, and I am going to watch a movie, and get on with life. That is all there is to it.

Sdguy- I do not know that he will figure it out. That is fine. It just sucks sometimes. It sucks that I am responsible!!!!

Tabby- here is lifting my amaretto to you!!!! Good luck, and they have found a name for that virus: CrAssSelv- cruel, a**hole, and selfish virus!

Medc-You are wise. You have good common sense. A wonderful thing in today's world. I hope that I get people that want to date me. So far, this is what I have for prospects:

A homeless man. (for real, he has been asking my friend about me, and it 'does not bother him that I am separated")

A man 20 years older than me

A man I flirted with, and then realized he was NOT GAY- A total metro sexual... not my type

and last of all, a man that I spoke to once in a while that the last time I ran into me, he asked about my 't*ts" Which drew a shocked silence by me and my friends.

Funny, yes, normally, but on a day like today, I wish that I had had a man AROUND my age, that was decent, be interested. Maybe when I put myself out there in the future, they will come a flockin'!

Glug!!!! I am drinking my drink. I am feeling better. Here is to all the betrayed spouses, the ones that cared, the ones that have morals!!!!

Glug! Thanks. I am happy I have a place to vent.

A REAL funny sidenote: My girls (4 and 2) were arguing about this: My older D told me that my younger D says 'cuss words' all of the time. My younger D said, "I does not!" and they got into a FIGHT. It was funny. And WH will not see these moments. His loss.

OH SAdmo....I'm so sorry...what an @ss...I could call him a ton of other things but a waste of energy...it would be the same thing for my STBX...

Sweetie, you and those girls deserve soooo much better...

And uh, could you drink one of those for me...I like those!

As far as the guys out there...there's so much trash...no morals...integrity, a precious but hard thing to find these days...

It gets better, it has to be...this is when the standrads have to be really HIGH...LMAO!

And it DOES SUCK TO BE the "R" word...LMAO...you know...

rrreeeessssppponsible!!! LMAO <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hope you enjoy your movie!

Ladies, trust me, there are a lot of good men out there. You just have to be willing to look and see...we are there...waiting for the same thing women want...someone we can love, count on, sizzle with, laugh, trust and pamper.... it will come in due time.... and as cliche as it sounds..it will come when you don't expect it and most likely blindside you too.

MEDC

ps... your H is a putz.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin-
Here is one for you! GLUG GLUG!!!!

It worries me. It seems that so many people today just get messed up with people that are not worth a dime. It seems to me that all the good ones are taken. but then I have to realize that hey, I am a good one!!! So maybe they are not all taken... SIGH.

Here is to our search, when we are ready! We will rock the world!!! (or at least some homeless man's world!!! LOL!)

MEDC-
WH IS a putz. Too bad I did not realize it sooner!!! Thanks!

it is Yiddish for a fool or idiot...
it also is slang for a males willy! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Sadmo- grit your teeth and be nice (I am sooo feeling for you right now) and once those documents are signed, I really, really advise drop-kicking him out of your life and go deep, deep dark. Use that time to heal up and refresh. This constant contact with him is hurting and hindering you.

I hope he gets those papers soon. I have a feeling he's going to do his usual push-pull routine when the papers actually show up at his door and they are signed. Prepare yourself for it.

I have to say that I'm having a really difficult timewith thinking why did I marry this fool in the first place?

My thoughts are soo negative when it comes to POWS now...

I don't talk to him very often and I like it that way...but occasional when something happens with one of the kids, I talk to him about it...otherwise he can live his own destructive little life and as long as it doesn't affect me or the kids I'm cool...

It's the bulldozer of stupidty that amazing to me! SO, you're not alone in your thinking...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So, HOW do I be nice to him?

HOW do I act like we are 'cool'? (when I want to head butt him? Which head... I will not say! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> )

I am done with him. I cannot wait until the D is done and over, and he has signed off on everything. (I am praying he will not change his mind!!)

You know how you look at someone with new eyes, and you think, "wow, this does not even LOOK like someone I know?" There is not recognition? That is how I feel. That if I NEVER heard from him again, I would be fine.

I am the type to worry about things, and I know this chick that he is with now went through a D, and I am afraid that she will start talking to him about, "well, that is just not fair! You should get the equity of the house...." I know that I should not worry... yet, but I am.

He did kind of say yesterday,"so I am not going to get anything from the house? This was my life savings." I said, "If you want something from the house, now is the time to tell me. I want to get the ball rolling here."
He said, "no, I don't. I just want you and the girls to stay here. It is a great house. I do not want you to move far away. Promise me that, and then I do not want any equity." So I promised him that... but I am worried.

Sigh. Only time will tell........

Send good vibes my way, so that he does not change his mind!!!!!!!!!!