SD-
I agree too.

Sometimes it is painful, most times it is not. What I worry about is that I know how loyal I am, and I worry that if I were to still have contact, friendly contact, that I would never be ready to move on, and eventually find a new R. I am not in a hurry, but it would be nice eventually....

I think that now he is freaking out a little, he has to approve the 'agreement', and then we will have our court date, and it will all be over.

In a way, I am happy. There will be no more stress over what is going on. In a way I am sad. It is silly, but it is mostly because at no time did he fight for our M to be saved. But that is fine. I just know what I want in the future: someone more loyal.

Thanks for checking in!

Today Wh dropped the girls off.

He came in, told me dinner smelled good, what was I cooking? How was my weekend without the kids? Did I do anything fun? He informed me that the girls missed me, and I did not talk to them yesterday, I reminded him that I did, when I was at work he called me, and I talked to them (My oldest wanted me to pick her up and see her, she missed me.)

It breaks my heart, but on the same vein, let him deal with it too... I have to deal with my little one now missing him, and it is hard. It makes me want to cry she gets so sad.

So, anyway, he came over to me, put his arm around me, and said that he had to go. I stopped him, asked him what he thought of the D agreement... is he ok with it, said I wanted to get the court date in STONE. He said, absentmindedly..."Oh, yeah. It's fine. Go ahead."

Then he left.

It is weird to me...
That I do not feel like I know him, that I do not want to BE with him, that I just feel kind of 'whatever' towards him.

I was talking to my friend yesterday, and I told her that right now I would not even really want to date, and I do not see myself WITH someone. That I would be ok by myself, and I am not sad about it (for NOW anyway... LOL!)
She told me that she thinks that my standards are TOO high. I asked her what she meant, and she said, "You have not wanted to go out with anyone that is interested for this reason, or that. You need to stop looking at every man that is interested as marriage material, and learn how to have fun just dating."

Does anyone think that this is true?
I never would date someone just for the sake of dating, if I was not interested... should I? I did not think that it meant my standards were too high...

Anyway... I sent an e-mail to the lawyer, letting him know to set up the court date. And it will be done. I won't have to worry about his fickle moods anymore!

Sadmo, I thinkt aht it is important to dip your toe into the water...

however, I would be interested in them at least...but there's the question how do you know that you are not interested in them if you are not giving yourself teh opportunity to get to know these people...

I ahve a prayer that I say that I would like to pass alot to you:

God, please help me to put aside what I think I know about _________, so that I may have a truely open mind and a new experience.

I'm not saying to set aside your boundaries...we all have character defects...I'm saying that SOMETIMES we have to look past those defects to see what's really there...

As far as WH's concerned, I hope taht you ahve the time to read what I posted on my thread about the interaction that I ahd with mine...nothing major...but perhaps my thoughts will help you in some way...

Pray for the willingness to be willing...whether that is acceptance, detachment, to be more open minded, whatever...

Right now I see that you are indifferent to him...I wonder if there is fear that if you allowed yourself to feel sometimes for him that you would be hurt again...nw whether that feeling is compassion, or whatever...

I suggest that you write on the subject, now here, to perhaps have the core of the issue revealed to you throught your thoughts and ideas...sometimes I can not figure out what I'm raelly thinking and I ahve found that this works for me...

I see you protecting yourself and that's okay, I felt teh same these past months...things have really changed for me beginning Friday...it's hard to explain...but it's for the better...

Rin-
Thanks.
I am protecting myself... I know it. But on the same vein, I do feel indifferent.
I went through a week-long phase of not wanting to see him at all, think about him, deal with him, and it all cumulated into me being indifferent. Which is fine...

I just want the D to be done, I just got word from the lawyer that he could not get us in until Oct. 9 at 9am.
Which is a few weeks later than I had hoped for, but WH would not agree to the settlement terms...

So Oct. 9th. That will be 5 days before I have to go away on a business trip to, drum roll please! COLUMBUS OHIO!
WH is taking the following week off from work to watch the kids, and I am sure he will be loving it!LOL!

With dating, I never saw the point in dating someone that I was not at least a little interested in. We will see as time goes on!

I just want it all settled with WH. I just want to be able to breathe a sigh of relief, that it is all done.

Awesome, that's my birthday! I will certainly remember that day and be with you!

WHOO HOO! GO SADMO!!!

yeah, I'm watching from this end and I think that your WH is crazy with the hugs and stuff...I would like to slap him...

I see him really overstepping his boundaries...I'm sure that you have told him...Please don't touch me...Don't you know the damage that you've done, why would I want to hug you?...

It'll all work out! I have faith in you! The gorgorous, beautiful person that you are...Amazing!!

That weight will lift soon enough...God's plan and not your plan...I learned that in the process...being patience was not one of my better qualities...LMAO

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin,
I know, I am not patient ALL the time... having kids has changed that A LOT! LOL!

Well, I called WH to let him know the court date (in advance, so he could not say he did not have time to 'plan' so he could get off of work).
He told me that he 'does not believe me' that it can be over then. Am I tricking him?

I was like, "WHAT?!"

So he goes on, that the D settlement, is so, FINAL.

I said yes it is.

He then goes on that he does not like the fact that it states in there that what is in his possession is his, what is in mine is mine.

What if there is something of his at the house that is his, and he remembers later? I told him he could ask me for it, and I will give it to him, if it is his.

So he went on how it does not seem true that it will all be over then. I told him that it will be, it is called a CIVIL divorce... we are not fighting over anything, so it is much easier.

He said "OH."

So then he asked what time I was going to work, that he 'might call me back."
I said sure.

I mean, what did he think the D settlement would say? "WH, you can come and go as you wish, have liberal access to the house, kids, pets, money, items.... You can party it up like you are 18, hang all over your EXW, come to family gatherings and be greeted like you are the best person in the world, basically, dear WH, you CAN have your cake and eat it to! And here is a court document to state that!"

LOL!!!!

OMG, Sadmo, I loved this last entry



The answer, YUP, that's what he believed!

LOL! That's what my WH thinks! We'll be friends, no hard feelings. He's just starting to see that's not how it goes.

LOL!
I am STILL laughing at him... for now!

He called me today, on my cell phone, which is odd for him...
Just to chit chat, and ask in a 'concerned' voice how I was doing.
I said, "I am GOOD, how about YOU?"
He replied that he is ok.... he misses the kids.... I told him, "they miss you too."

He then went on about work, I told him I was kind of busy with the kids (And my friends kids, I was at her house watching them), he said he would call later to talk to the kids. he never did.

That is fine. They are mostly used to him not being around. What is kind of good is that my oldest D was telling me how we are always 'so busy' and she likes that...
I know when they are with him he kind of 'stops'... they don't always do a lot, they lurk at his house, it is not 'normal' to my girls.

It is just amazing to me. After all of this, he still thought that I would be sitting by the phone, waiting for him, calling him. For what?

So, that is all for now. I got the paper in the mail today about the court date being on Oct. 9th... I cannot wait...

Sadmo- I haven't abandoned you, I just came in real fast to let you know my husband is home from GITMO on a visit and I'll be back September 29th after he leaves.

Glad you have a date and glad you are doing your best to detach. Will be back soon!

Mojo-
I was so sad! I thought that you had abandoned me too! LOL!

Thanks for stopping by, have fun with your hubby!

So WH comes over today to watch the kids. He calls me at work, to tell me that 'my dog has a hurt leg'. (this is supposedly HIS DOG...) Should he take him to the vet? I said YES, I did not see him acting hurt, but if he was, then do it. WH told me he did not have money. I told him I would meet him there and pay for the vet bill (this is really MY dog, but WH likes to pretend that it is his dog)...
So I meet him, the dogs' leg is all swollen from his knee down. Poor guy!
The vet says it could be a sprain, or a hairline fracture. They did an x-ray, but they had to sedate him. I had to get back to work. The WHOLE TIME we are with the vet, WH's cell phone is going off, and off (on vibrate), so much so that I thought it was something in the vet's office... WH looks at me, with an ANNOYED expression and says, while staring at me, "somebody does not get the message that I do not want to talk to them."
I did NOT even respond. I know it is OW. I KNOW that she is jealous of me (she calls EVERY TIME he is picking up the kids or dropping them off, or I am picking them up). And I want to say to her, "You SHOULD be insecure! He is not even D'd yet!"

What I think is the funniest of all is this: WH hated, JUST HATED, having tabs kept on him. And now his new woman does it ALL the time. He is not happy about it, and it cracks me up. He left OUR M because I was so 'controlling'... now he is dating someone that is so much worse than me. And I know it stresses him out, but THIS IS WHAT HE CHOSE! LOL!

So, I am even more grateful that I have been wise enough to not get into a R with another person before I was ready too.

The dog ended up just probably having a sprain, and he seems ok. What was NOT ok was the fact that WH called me at work to ask me if I could pick the dog up from the vet... When I hesitated, he told me that he was 'halfway home, and he was not going to get him." I said, "gee thanks for 'asking me'!" Not that I minded. But it was another sign that I needed to see. His dog (really MY dog, but WH always says it is his dog) is hurt, he takes him to the vet, and just leaves him there. I meanwhile, have to pay the vet, and pick up the dog, and take care of him.

Just how everything in his life was: I have to take care of it all. Thankfully, I love the dog, he is my baby. Or I would have been annoyed.

This evening me and the girls made dinner, then took a 'night walk' with the other two dogs. They had a fun time, so did I. I am lucky to have them! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

What I think is the funniest of all is this: WH hated, JUST HATED, having tabs kept on him. And now his new woman does it ALL the time. He is not happy about it, and it cracks me up. He left OUR M because I was so 'controlling'... now he is dating someone that is so much worse than me. And I know it stresses him out, but THIS IS WHAT HE CHOSE! LOL!


OW KNOWS that he is a cheater. She KNOWS that she is not #1, not really. She KNOWS that he is still, technically (whatever <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> ) married (always the excuse when you are separated--'they WERE divorcing...'). Of course she's suspicious of him. SHE thinks he's cheating on HER. What a riot! What a maroon!

Hey I read a little bit of your post. Sounds like your dh will continue a pattern of finding "someone" and then breaking it off. I've seen men do this after divorce. They never stop. It's just one woman after another.They are never happy. He has some major issues to deal with. Maybe he will figure that out someday...

Stay strong. You can make it through!!

And he will, of course. Probably would with Sadmo if given a chance. I still would drop a Plan B on him for your own sanity (with SDGuy's standard caveat of "But it's not like I actually know anything").

SL-
I know, how CRAZY is that! And why involve yourself with a still M man if it is going to make you so insecure??? (not that you should anyway!!!!!!)

Jenn- I do not know WHEN he will learn. He has to learn to stand on his own two feet. I think that is the best thing for anyone that is getting out of a long R, or any serious R. Spend some time doing some soul searching, and being happy by yourself.

SD- If I cannot deal with him after the D, I will do it. There would no longer be any point of putting on a good front....

On another note, WH called my cell phone 3 times tonight, because he 'could not get through to the kids'. I went out with a few friends for a few hours. I called him back when I got to my car. He said that yes, the sitter did answer. He then asked me, "so how was your date?" I said, "what?" He said, "You can tell me Mo. I know you are dating. How is it going?" I told him that not that it is any of his business, but I was just out with friends.
He then told me that he wants us to 'always have a special R, and he will always love me and do anything for me."

So, I, feeling good after a night with friends, say"Why are you telling me this?" He said that he just wants me to know. And I say, "no, you just want to see how far I will jump to take the bait. Why? "

He proclaimed his innocence. Then he said that he has made the mistake of dating, and getting involved in R's with W out of desperation. He needs to take a break from it all, and be happy on his own again. His call waiting beeped in, and again, and I told him, "Have fun with your Woman! LOL!"

Poor WH! He thought that he would be SO HAPPY.... I think the reality of everything is FINALLY, FINALLY hitting him. And it does get my goat... a little, not that much anymore... that he is trying to dissuade me from dating, in a nonchalant way...

Little does he know, I am not ready for it, no one has struck my fancy, AND, I want to be ready for a R when I move on. I do not just want to occupy my time.

So that is that....

LMAO...Studip wayward Rabbit...tricks are for kids!!!

I completely agree with you...on the dating thing...I see your POV and I think that we have the same thinking...

See the way I figure it, I have to clear away all teh baggage before I walk myself into another R...until I do that I won't be good to anyone...including myself...

Now, I don't think that I have a lot of baggage at this point...but still I ahve some thigns that I would like to do before I settle down...one get this darn D over with...

Heck, I have my hands full with the things that I have going on in my life...adding someone who wants to spend time with me...HUM??? Not right now...

I did have someone who pecked my interest but I just don't see it happening...

Anyway, You're a woman who knows her mind and that's awesome!!!

Poor poor poor WH...in his twisted way on thinking he must have thought you were just going to pine away for him...LMAO

BLAHHHHAHAHAHA!!

Loser!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Rin-
I think that he actually is REGRETTING all that happened. He told me that he is afraid that he is going to die alone. I told him that he will never be alone, he has his girls.
He told me, no, that he would have NO ONE. I told him that I did not know what to say....

It is a pity. It is sad. I really feel like he was having some sort of mid life crisis, and now his 'free-wheeling party lifestyle" (that was the name of my original post! Had to throw that in there....)is actually getting old. I think that he is all of a sudden realizing that his 'friends' are all just looking for a good time, they are not real friends. I think that it suddenly became clear to him that I DID love him, and I DID care about him, and I would have done WHATEVER it took to make us work. And I think that he sees that dating is not always so fun... his new woman calls him ALL the time, she is always mad at him...

But, enough about him... I am in a better, more stable place. I even told him yesterday when he was rambling, that ALL he had to do when we first started to have problems was to show me that he cared about me (this is how all of our problems started, then he started going out, and the rest is history...) and I would have softened... I told him that there were things that I wish I had done differently, I wish that I could take some things back. And his reply was that I should not have pushed him away. I then said to him that it was BOTH of us, not just me.

And it became so apparent. How he has not grown at all, he has not worked on ANYTHING to do with him.

But I am ok with the D. I am ok with it all.

So today WH came to pick up the girls. He was almost an hour early, he called to see if it was ok... I have been tired lately, so I could use the break, I said sure. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

He came here, and it was so weird. He walked in the door, the dogs (except for his, he seems depressed lately) greeted him, and he came downstairs where me and the girls were. I was giving my youngest a breathing treatment (allergies make asthma appear on her). He plopped on the couch next to me, put him arm around me, and without even thinking, I put my head on him,and he started talking about his day. He talked, and then my DD was done with her treatment. And it hit me. This is like old times, like it USED to be with us.

WH left with the girls, and I went to read for a while. I woke up 3 and a half hours <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> later to the phone ringing, it was WH asking if I was coming to get the kids anytime soon...

I told him I was on my way... He called me on my cell and and asked if I was hungry, he could make me something to eat, if I hadn't eaten... I said sure.
I got to his house, and one of our old friends was there. He seemed happy to see me.

WH had a whole dinner for me... I apologized for being late, and he was like, "Oh honey, it is ok... I understand."

I ate, quickly, got the kids, and left.

And then I felt a little sad. Because I saw the man that I fell in love with. Who was not there for me.

Oh well. There is nothing that I can do about him at this point.

I got a lot of sleep, and I feel refreshed for once, so that is good!

Be careful, Sadmo, he;s playing you again. Please don't fall into his trap.
PLEASE set some boundaries-- he is getting his needs met through you and YOU SHOULDN'T BE MEETING THEM!