Hello Everyone! Thanks for the thoughts!
Well, it was so.... anti-climactic. I don't know. I got up, he came over to meet me, so we could 'drive there together'. We met up with my lawyer. EXH signed EVERYTHING, no complaints, no questions. We went in front of the judge, it was granted. In about 10 minutes.

ExH was in a good mood, not a forced good mood, he THANKED me for getting the ball rolling on the D, when it was all said and done, I felt, almost like an out of body detached no feelings kind of place. Which was weird.

He asked me if I wanted to get breakfast, I said sure, in my weird state. We went and had some food, he chatted about this and that. I chatted back. He told me that he loves me, and he always will love and care for me. That he has learned a lot about himself since we split up. How he will always care about me. Then he chatted on about his bar slut, and how they are going to take things slow... The WHOLE time, I did not feel ANYTHING. It was almost as though an alien took ME, and left this strange creature in my place. Ex told me that we NEEDED to get a D, we could not live together, and we would make the kids miserable if we had stayed together. I just listened. He has convinced himself, and what does it matter anymore anyway?

We left, he went back to work, I went TO work. After work I met two of my good friends for a few beers. Now, I have the kids in bed, and it is OVER. I will not have to worry about the house, my money. I am financially secure. I am OK. Nothing is any different than yesterday, but it is ALL different now. Odd. I have not shed a tear, I do not feel I need to. I just feel, resigned?

Thanks to all of you that offered me advice, and checked in today! I learned a lot from all of you!

Oh, I'm sure he'll be back sniffing around.

Expect to have it hit you all at once. Even though I WANTED my divorce by the time I got it, I still did some crying.

So glad that you and kids will be okay financially. Now just sit back and watch the coming trainwreck.

Oh, Sadmo. (((((SADMO & KIDS))))))

He thinks you are going to be friends.

Watch.

Well, I'm glad that this stage is over for you. I'm positive that he will be coming back for more Sadmo fixes. It's up to you how to handle them.

It's good that you don't have so much to worry over anymore. You may not feel like you need it, but here's a cyber hug for you and the girls

((((Sadmo and the little munchkins))))

Sadmo set your bounderies now because look howhe acting now dicussing his relationship with the barho, what just minutes after signing off on your divorce papers, he is as loony as they come!!!

Why does he heep hashing at the fact that yeah I'm gonna take it slow now, why would he thinks you would give to flying yucks about him and his life choices, as long as they do not affect the little ones.

Give him the email addy for Dear Abby and tell him, to write to her about all his woes, I trully wish the crap will hit the fan with him he is a loony smuck.

((((SADMO)))))

How are you doing TODAY?

I'm glad that things worked out for you and the girls...

I have the same feeling that he will be back around looking for Sadmo to comfort him, etc...He has lost his marbles!!!

Sweetie, I have faith in you...I do agree about some boundaries, you don't need to hear that stuff with him...besides wasn't he JUST talking not to long ago about dating just to date and not liking it...what's really changed...PLEASE!!

besides there's NO WAY that "she" or any other "she" could be in the same CLASS AS YOU!!! What a JERK!!!

((((SADMO))))

Thinking of you!!

OK, I'm gonna say it. I think NOW is a good time to implement a PLAN of some kind to keep this man at a REAL distance. No dinners, no lunches, no coffees, no talking about where his life is headed or WHO he's headed there with. NO MORE. You deserve to have peace, and continuing any relationship beyond co-parents is too much.

There, I said it.

Now, go forth and prosper, Sadmo. My lady, you have been through the wringer this last year, playing NICE to get the settlement you needed. Now you can let go. It's a good thing.

Believer- I hope that you aren't saying that the trainwreck will be me??? LOL! I already got the popcorn ready...

Mojo- I KNOW that he THINKS that we are going to be friends. But as the saying goes, "with friends like you (him) I don't need any enemies!"

SS- I did THAT conversation to myself... I ASKED him about her...SPECIFICALLY- "Did she break up with her current BF yet to be with you?" And the gates just opened. I was trying to make a POINT... that if THAT is how their R is restarting... but, not my business, now is it?? I just need to keep my mouth shut, and all will be well...

Rin-I know that he will never find anyone like me... But, one day, he will know! He HAS lost his marbles! (I swear I heard them bouncing off the floor! LOL!)


SL- You are right! I am going to prosper. I am going to make an appointment to discuss what I should do with the money that I do have...

I think that the reason I feel so, removed (?) from the whole thing is that I had it set in my head that once the D went through, I did not NEED to be nice to him. I do not feel like being nice to him. I do not feel like even acknowledging that he exists. But, sigh, he DOES.

He is going to pick up the kids today after work, and I am going to have them all ready for him, so that he can just leave right away. If he tries to hug me, I am not going to let him, and remind him that HE CAN'T anymore. I am not going to put myself in a situation where I am uncomfortable with him hugging me all of the time. That ship has sailed! (do you see me waving at it?! LOL!)

I am not a physically affectionate person to anyone that I am not CLOSE CLOSE to. So there is no reason for me to hug him. PLUS, he will think that he can hang all over me if he wants, and that I will always be there for him. Now he needs to know that I will NOT be there for him anymore.

So, that is where I stand at today... when he gets the kids, I am going to get a manicure AND a pedicure, then go to the bookstore! And RELAX. I need it!

Thanks again everyone! I really appreciate everything!

Personally, you going dark is just one more consequence of his own behavior. He doesn't deserve a Sadmo fix ever again. The husband is dead and why would ya sit around talking to his ghost?

These WS's are complete loonies, I agree!

Mojo-

That is an interesting way of putting it.... But, it IS true... Why waste anymore of my precious time?

I called my MIL (I guess EX now) and told her the D went through. She said that she was sad, we chit chatted about a bunch of things, not EXH. At the end of the call, she said, "you know, EXH is not just mean to you, he is mean to me! He has no regard for anyone that cares for him!" I asked her what she meant, and she told me that he did not call her, or give her a card on her birthday (It was a week ago, I FORGOT TOO! I was so wrapped up in my D-day countdown!) I told her that I was sorry, and she said, "No, he is my SON. He should have called to tell me! You know, he is all about fun, fun, fun now!"
I got off the phone, and decided to call her and ask her if she would like to go out to lunch, so I had my DD5 ask her. She seemed happy. We went out, and had a really nice time. Me and the girls got her flowers, The girls made her a card, I bought her one. They also sang happy birthday to her. She seemed so glad.
When I went to drop her off, she told me, "You know, you are a sweet, caring, nice woman. I hope that you find someone that really appreciates you for who you are. My son was a fool." I told her thanks.... and we hugged.

So I am glad that I will get along with MIL...

I picked up the kids from EXH house, and got them ready right away, and EXH was trying to chit chat. Again, it was weird. I have nothing to say to him anymore... I just kind of nodded and told the girls that we had to go. He said, "wait! I had to ask you something!" I turned and asked him what, and he hemmed and hawed, so I said that if he remembered, he could call me. He moved towards me like he was going to hug me, I just turned and told him bye...Got in my car, and went back to MY house!

I am trying to fix it up now, I am decluttering the whole thing... I have to clean out the garage next, and then, it will be good to go. How weird. MY house. And I do not need to worry anymore!

OHHHHHHH, SADMO!! That is soooo great to hear!! AW, I WISH I would hear something like that from my MIL...

What a blessing to be able to keep her in your life!!!

Good JOB on the declutter and fixing up!

My heart is filled with JOY for you and the girls...

You ARE SOOOO AWESOME and I agree with your MIL and KNOW that you will someday!!! Find someone WHO REALLY DESERVES the PERSON that you are!!!

(((((SADMO)))))

I really am so happy for you Sadmo. YOU have a house. No more stress over adultery or rejection or trying to bend yourself intoa pretzel trying to figure out a way to salvage a sinking ship.

You did fabulously, Sadmo.

So glad that you and grandma wil have a good relationship still.She sounds like a fine woman.

Thanks Mojo! I am glad that I will still have a R with MIL. She IS a good woman. I never hesitate to tell her that!

What makes me angry is now mr. jerk is ALREADY bringing the kids around barslut. He told me that he was going to take them to a 'party at her house, to socialize the kids'. Like they are dogs!
I snapped.
I told him that he had told me that he was NOT going to bring the kids around anyone that he was not serious about. He said, "Oh, but THIS is serious."
I told him that he better not give me any reason to haul his [email]a@@[/email] into court to have him drug tested (bar slut smokes pot all of the time) so that he would only get supervised visits. I asked him to not be so selfish, and to PUT THE KIDS FIRST, not his D#CK for once!!!!

He hung up on me.

And I am annoyed. That I am going to have to be the ONLY one teaching my kids about morals, and strong family ties, and all....

But, I have the house... I have the house..... I have all of MY assets....

I wish I could ensure that my kids would be able to grow up with a strong foundation if they are going to be around him.
Sigh.

No more warning the jerk, just do it.

L.

YOU! YOU ARE THAT STRONG FOUNDATION!!!

I know that not what you are talking about but my dad was the same way...did all kinds of draugs and drank...I was drunk at 15 with him and his friends...my mom stood firm and we had other home issues that were far worse than my dad's life...to the point that I was removed from the home to go live with my grandparent and my mom was STILL that foundation...

YOU ARE THEIE ROCK!!! THey guiding force...my behavior with the kids is a direct result of how my mom behaved with my dad and towards my dad...I'm proud of the way that she handled herself and I want my kids to say the same thing about me one day!

We all like to think that two parents are better but really that's not the case these days...FINE individuals have grown up to be great people...

Do you think that he would be teaching them the morals if you were still married to him or would you be doing all of the work? Don't allow yourself to slip into fantasy land...the character traits were there when you were married?

Don't abuse yourself with jumping that far into the future...Today you are upset...today you spoke up...today YOU are teaching the girls right and wrong...they see and will see...I was three when my parents Ded...

Rarely do I drink and I don't do drugs anymore, haven't for a long time...your girls will have opportunities to make up their own mind and THEY WILL SEE...MO...you are doing this and can continue to do this...

You're strong, smart, and wise...YOU will be enough for those angels if that's the case...Faith!!

I'm sorry that you are upset...this too shall pass...God is on your side, and he's watching and holding your hand and carrying his angels...

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Breathe...You are fine...

(((SADMO)))

Orchid-
I can't just do it yet... I just warned him! I will give him a few weeks to see WHAT he does.....

Rin- THANK YOU!
The thing is, I do not think that it is fair for only ME to be their foundation, and I reminded mr.ahole about that today. That he said that he would HELP me in raising kids that knew right from wrong, had morals, and put family FIRST.

He apparently put his D#CK first, confusing IT with family.
LOL! And SIGH.

I had the fantasy that he would be concerned about them, not put them into his cesspool of barsluts... But, I was wrong. And, I had TOO MUCH faith in him.

It just annoys me that he gets so much time WITHOUT the kids, WHY would he have to bring the bar slut into his KID TIME?

It irks me.

I WILL be on the watch, to see what happens.

Grrrr. (mother bear, protecting her cubs).

This is a season in your life...for the time being YES, you are going to have to be the one to do the work...IT IS unfair...

BUT YOU are a wonderful person WHO WILL fine someone to HELP you raise these wonderful girls...it's just a season...

I KNOW that protection mode you are in...the claws come out and the teeth are showing...and that's okay...you have that right just as much as I do or any good parent does...

YOU can NOT have any expectation that HE will DO the RIGHT thing...has his track record given you ANY reason to think that he would?

This is the reason taht I chose NOT to talk to POWS as much as I can b/c "I" want to believe and I can't allow myself to get SUCKED in and it's SOOO easy...truth is they are not the same person that WE were with...that's reality...

It's sad, but it's true...

Just a season Sadmo...just a season! Now, I'm going to bed b/c I waited for a response from you...for me I had to know that you were going to be okay...LMAO...NOW I can Sleep! LMAO

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Sweet dreams and sleep tight!