Yes, I think it will Pep...because I hate the person I become when I start reacting angry and defensive towards someone else. It's something I want to overcome because it will be better for myself and my own peace of mind.

I know you've just given an example, but I think it was a very good one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Maybe this forum is not the best place to "practice" but at least it's a start!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Maybe you are just particularly introspective Suzet. You do seem very indepth in all your posts. And some people are very sensitive, my little brother is. If one of us forgets to send him a birthday card it just bothers him to no end. So now I usually send two.

Yes, I know Pep. On my thread on In Recovery JL said (not in the exact words I'm using here) that I must trust my H's judgement in this regard and that it will be the best "gift" I can extend to him...

just FYI



given your approximate age .... this could very well be hormonal <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

if it approximates a sort of 'cycle' pattern

Yes, I am weaver. Sometimes too much so!

Pep and weaver,

My hubby has just returned home so I’m signing off now to spend some time with him for the rest of the evening.

However, I will continue the conversation tomorrow.

Take care both of you and thanks for the dialogue, it has been helpful! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You are right...I have spent too much of my life around unhappy people.

Does it not depend somewhat on the accusation and the surrounding atmosphere?

For instance, if you were being accused of being a bitter wife on this forum, there would be multiple people who would speak up for you and against the accusation. I can also see in your personal life, to have someone accuse you of being a BW, might be easily ignored. Unless it was publically done within a social group (church, bookclub) by a highly regarded member.

It can get a little hairier and more difficult to deal with for ex., IMO, on this forum when Suz was dealing with the accusations/assessments/judgements leveled at her. She evidently wanted to continue to participate in the forum, but encountered difficulty in doing that. If I recall correctly, it wasn't relegated to just her thread, they were repeated to her in many of the other threads.

If you were posting (as a promoter of traditional marriage) on the tow forum (spit) and a leading member labeled you a bitter wife, your ability to participate in that forum (this is for example purposes only) would be seriously hampered. Your interactions with others would be forced through the BW "filter" that has been falsely applied. Do you ignore it? Especially if the lable was reapplied in response to almost every post you made? I think you would find yourself either explaining why you aren't a bitter wife continuously or you would leave the forum, because any input you might have had gets lost in the deluge.

Grace under fire. A worthy goal to work toward.

I though you had just joined this forum 05/04/07

Have you posted under a different name?

this may be the BIG difference in our thinking !



[b]I prefer NO ONE 'speaks up' for me <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

It's better I do this myownself

What's the purpose of your questions?

My assessment is that your purpose is to cast aspersions on my participation.

I am open to being corrected.

I am confused. I wish to be de-confused.
Your concern for what happeded with Suzet* (what? a year ago or more?) was prior to your joining MB ...

I don't know that this is the big difference in our thinking in this regard, since I didn't express any personal preferences on whether or not I preferred people to speak up for me.

Did you understand that to be the point in my post?

yes

The day that I learned that "what other people think about me is none of my business" was the day that a huge burden was lifted off of shoulders.

It allowed me to live my own truths without the need to manage what others thought about it.

When I let go of trying to control other people's feelings, it left me with time to manage my own.

I can't imagine needing "other people" to defend my personal truths. Well, I can imagine it, because that is the way I used to be. This need led to disappointments and resentments when my expectations of others failed to occur.

You're confused about what?



I don't understand how responding about Suzet on Suzet's thread on the topic of some dynamics of dealing with accusations on a public forum translates to "concern for what happened with Suzet".

Did my post contain something with which you disagreed?

Well, you missed the point.

I'll be glad to iterate if you have any interest.

I'm not sure if this is in response to something I wrote, but I can't recall anyone posting about the need to have other people defend one's personal truths.

I have only attempted to point out the difficulty in suggesting that people try to apply "ignore" as a single strategy when dealing with false accusations on a public forum.

The dynamics on a forum can sometimes preclude that as a viable option.

If you've been on this forum long enough to have seen Suzet's thread from a year ago, why are you posting under a new name, rather than the one you normally use?

The question becomes...why does it appear that you are "hiding" behind a new identity? Why not post as the username we'd all likely recognize rather than one that is "anonymous"?

As an aside, I tend to agree with a lot of what you're saying. I'm simply pointing out that posting under a name other than the one you've used in the past will cause people to suspect the reasons for your posts.

I agree. I like to do it mineownself as well!!!