I am new here but will be returning often...
I never thought I would be asking for help, but here I am and I will try to make a long story short. Six years ago my wife of 20 years started an affair that lasted one year, (That’s her story and she’s sticking to it), we have now been married for 25 years. I believe the affair is over and has been over for Five years now. It was the hardest thing in the world for me to get over because of the extent of the affair. (She had her lover at our house when I was gone). I decided to stay with her, and until recently we were doing better.
We knew what the problems were and until recently I thought we had made progress at least in our relationship. For five years now she has constantly reminded me how much she loves me, by not only saying the words, but in her actions as well. I have also told her how much I love her and want her in my life.
1. When the affair started I was driving a truck over the road gone all the time, this we agreed was a problem and I quit driving to be at home more.
2. The transition was hard because I had been driving for so many years, and finding a job that paid what I was making has not been possible.
3. I have worked 3 different jobs in the last four years but have not been making much money.
4. Four years ago I found that I loved constructing websites and until one year ago I was learning all I could own my own with the idea that I might could have a new career that I new I was Happy in and could make a pretty good living at.
5. One year ago my wife helped me find a college and we agreed that I would go to school for a degree in Web Design, she was totally behind this idea and fully supported me.
6. It was agreed that I would find a part time job while in college, I have applied at countless places (Except Fast Foods), but for what ever reason I have not been able to get a part time job.
7. This has put A huge strain on our finances, one that both of us have been very well aware of as my wife does not make much money.

For the last three months I have noticed a change in my wife, she has reverted back to the way she was during the affair, she has become very quite and is exhibiting much of the same behavior as she did during that time. Suddenly 3 days ago, out of the blue she told me she wasn’t sure if she loved me anymore and thought she needed some space and wanted to maybe move out on her own. She swears that there is not another man involved, I am not 100% sure but believe there is not. She has recently made some friends that are almost half her age (at work), and has been going online chatting with these girls at myspace.com. She has also been discussing our relationship with these friends but says they are not influencing her in any way. These So Called Friends are very independent, headstrong and my wife has always been quite reserved and somewhat shy. These girls are very much into tattoos and last week my wife went and got one for herself on her back. Her behaviors have drastically changed and all she will tell me is that she is confused about where she should be and is this where she should be in life. She left for one night to go and stay with one of these friends, but after talking to her she is now back home and says she wants to try and work it out. She says that she enjoys making love to me and cares for me but just thinks she need some space.
Due to our current finances I have dropped out of school and have applied for a local job driving a truck, it will not be a problem to go back to this industry as I have a good record.
I have told her I will do what is necessary to bring our finances back in order as I know this is part of the problem. I truly believe that these younger girls have influenced my wife in many ways, though she tells me they have not and the decisions she wants to make are her own.
I must say that I really don’t know what to do as I do love her very much and over the last four years she had convinced me that she loved me as well. I don’t know what is going on and desperately need some advice.

Thanks …….

Michael,
Sounds like you are on the right track to me. You might want to go out and buy His Needs Her Needs (HNHN) and read this. It describes emotional needs (EN), that when fulfilled tend to create the feeling of being in love. Financial Support (FS) is probably an important EN for your wife, getting a better paying job is going to help. You may wish to contact Steve Harley for guidance on how to get your wife engaged in the process, because if you push her, it it will probably alienate her from the idea. You'll need to figure it out how to entice her to the process.

Getting LoveBusters (LB) and reading that too will probably help your situation as a lot of times the negative effect of the LBs are 5X as great as the positive effects of filling emotional needs.

Keep in touch here as the real experts can give you reality checks on your plan for preserving your marriage.

well...You say that driving a truck started all your problems and now, after five years, you have decided that driving a truck will solve all your problems. I don't get the logic.

Can I ask how old your wife is?

Thanks for your replys:

When I used to drive a truck it was over the road and gone for a week at a time. I am now looking to drive locally and be home nightly. My wife is 43 years old.

Thanks again

And how have you been lately? Going to school is a lot of work. Where has your attention been?

One thing I know for sure - this is NOT about finances.

So there was an A and you have survived five years. What did you do to improve your M during that time (both of you)?