Hi, dg. I appreciate your honesty although it is hard for me to be unbiased.
My opinion, I would consider how best to protect the children and, secondarily your wife, from your emotions. As you probably know, abuse often has little to do with the actual person. In other words, if your wife were some Jane Jones you had married and not herself, you would still have physically abused her. Without a wife in the house, you might act that way to your children. I’m going to take all the “I’d never!” as being said. I’m sure you believe in the depths of your heart, you’d never hurt a hair on their heads. You probably also believed that about your wife.
So, before you sign up to fight a custody battle for the children, you may want to start a whole bunch of therapy. There must be some sort of AA group for physically abusive people. If not, the usual anger management and some in-depth individual counseling.
Okay, about getting served. Your wife took the children away during that time because she was afraid you would hurt her, them or both. That is a safety technique. If I were in your shoes, I’d call her lawyer and arrange to have the papers delivered. This will give your wife a level of comfort and sense of safety. I also would not move back into the house given the abuse. You do not want your wife to get a restraining order. That will not help matters at all.
Just because you are served divorce papers doesn’t mean you can’t fight the divorce. BUT, you need a lot of ammo, the good kind. If you are in counseling, if you are in a support group, if you can demonstrate your success at protecting your wife and children from your angry outburst and abuse, you will have a better chance of slowing down the process and hopefully, wooing her back.
