I've posted this elsewhere. Dr. Harley's books have helped me also. I bought most of them, so please understand that I also posted this at DB. This website has been of tremndous value also.Thanks.

-------------

I've read Michele's books. They were wonderful. They helped me through some of the darkest days. I can never thank her enough for the messages in those books.
I've been reading the posts here since my disaster started. They did help tremendously.
I want to tell me story and get you, the community's, feedback.

My wife started to not come home at nite. Working late. Going out with the work crew. I protested, although gently. She would have nothing of it. This would be Jan '06.
By March 3, '06 we had a big arguement. I told how dissatisfied I'd been for 10 plus years and wanted out. Her too.
I left for a couple of days. On the third she asked me to come home (She doesn't remember saying that).
The next day a friend gave me a talking to. That started me on my path to do the right thing, to make things right.
A couple days later I asked me wife to talk with me about this. She refused. We watched a movie. I rubbed her back. I could tell she was mad as ******.
She started to not come home most nites. Would find reasons to leave through out the day. It became that she would come home about 6AM and leave after she would take the kids to school. On the days I took the kids to school, she may not come home at all. It was starting to suck. Mar '06.
We did go see a friends band play about the middle of March. Beginning of April I took the kids out of town to see my sick Mom.
Late April '06. we had a talk about how she felt (despared). She wanted space. I suggested maybe staying with the girl from the restaurant she'd been hanging with. That nite she did not come home. I went looking for her. Couldn't find her. Found the girl she'd been hanging with ( A new friend who had started at my wife's work almost to the day that she started not coming home). I told her friend, as my wife was in the habit of not returning the kids and I's phone calls, to tell her that I was filing for a divorce. My wife called a few hours later. Told me I make everything worse.
The next day a friend calls to say he has to talk to me. We talk. He tells me of seeing my wife wasted at a bar. She isn't talking kindly of me. My friend is shocked as he's never seen her with out me, let alone by her self wasted at a bar. I tell him whats going on (He's also training to be a couselor). He tells me about Men are from MArs, Women are from Venus. He talks about the book "Wild at Heart". He tells me to get my act together and reach ou to my wife, but in a different way than I had. He says to get her out of the restuarant she works at and away from these younger girls she hangs with from the restaurant (She's 34 they are 22ish). It's not agood mix. He feels she's having an affair also. Me too. I'd asked and was told nothing was going on.
I'd also gotten hold of a counselor then. Someone I knew of. I'd tried to get a hold of him in March when this all started. I should have kept trying. We started to talk.
He coached me on my role in my marriage's problems. He helped me to start to grow and change. I'm so greatful for him. What he taught me was almost word for word the DB books.I'd started reading the DB books then also, and Mars/Venus etc. I wanted to save my marriage and get it together.
May, June, July she started to spend more and more time at home. I really did all I could to meet her needs etc. Make our house a good place for her. She still wouldn't talk to me, said we were over, denied an affair, etc. But, she was warming up. She allowed me to touch her again, massaging, one of her favorite things. Wouldn't come near me though. Wouldn't have sex with me. We had sex mid June, and she bereated me for it the next day (We hadn't had sex since March).
Last two Saturdays in July and first Saturday in August she would show up at 5AM. First time I caught her trying to sneek in the back door. Second time I locked her out, then let her in after she called me a couple of times. That day she wanted to move out. She wanted me to watch our 8yr old while she did that. I said that maybe it was time for her to grow up and face what she'd been doing and take the kid with her (She denied that any of this affected the children). She and the child went and rented the apartment. I felt exstatic as now there would be a resoulotion to this stalemate.
We had gone to a couselor before this. She tore me to shreds. Denied an affair.We tried a few to times togethrt to see my main counselor. She denied an affair. Tore me to shreds. Negative about everything talked about. Wouldn't do the things the couselor suggested. Negating anything I'd been doing for her.
I'd also gone dark in May. Worked like a charm. She got so pissed off, that I wasn't available at her beckoning, that it was almost comical. It was like she could dish it out but not take it. That thing works. I really thought things were working out.
Anyways, they come back from renting the apartment and she breaks down (I thought that I was out of this mess). The two ton brick that went away an hour ago was back, though only about 200 pounds now. I was still exstatic as I thought she might have "seen the light".
She said that she didn't want to be a single Mom, she didn't want her kids going to school without her there in the morning, etc. She was an emotional wreck. I said nothing but stayed by her side and rubbed her head till she fell asleep (as she got a migraine from all this too). After she woke she wanted to talk a tiny bit about our marriage. Awesome !!!
Next Saturday, the third one, was her bosses wedding. She was pretty secretive about it. I wasn't invited. She came home at 5AM. Her bags were packed in the garage and she was locked out. The kids and I snuck out ot the house as I didn't knew if she had slept in her minivan or next door (We have a duplex) at her sisters.
She called me at work, as I brought the kids with me, and wanted to reconcile. I was game.
That nite we made love again for the first time since the one time in June. I thought we were on our way.
In late July I finally called this mystery number that was called so many times that there were hudreds of minutes per month on her cell phone. I now knew who he was. A cook at work who moved away beginning of May. And he's married.
I'd asked her about this. She told me that he and his wife were her friends. A lot of calls I said. She told me I was crazy, paranoid, an a**hole, she wasn't having an affair, mind my own buisness, she wasn't gonna put with this, etc. Stuff I'd been hearing since Jan.
From that nite in August, she's not not come home, she started school, left thet restaurant (they closed down) and started to limit her involvement with that crew, etc. Awesome.
My Mom died in Sept. We went to the funeral. My wife acted distant. She was still cold, wasn't to close.
But things were getting better. Like sex. For years (14 out of 15) it was not a common thing, maybe once a month, sometimes 2-3 months between. We started to sleep in the same bed. Talked about our days. Watched TV together at nite, a favorite of hers. Got her to couseling a few times, not good though. She wasn't interested in following through on suggestions. Didn't like the marriage books either, mostly mocked them.
I knew something still wasn't right. I kept mointoring the phone records. She was still pursuing this guy.
I left for a buisness trip to SF. She came out for that weekend between my 1 1/2 weeks for training. Studying the phone records when I got back I saw that she was in his distant town. She denied it. And again. So I called him. He still doesn't know that I know, I think. He says she and her brother were at the restaurant he workes at for lunch. We chat a bit. I ask him if he's been seeing my wife. He denies it. I call the girl she was hanging with. I ask her the same. She says that my wife wasn't seeing the guy, "She's your wife".
WTF?
I keep in couseling. Thank God !!! (He also happens to be a Pastor, but keeps the Faith thing between he and I and very little to my wife, when she would be there, which was rarely, (as she hates God?)).
OK. I have now f***ing had it. I'm starting to feel like I'm getting really taken advantage of. I'm still calm, cool, collected. Rarely, like 6 times, maybe, through out this nightmare, have I had an angry outburst, mostly raisning my voice. No sarcasm, no selfish demands. No name calling. Just not really skilled as a couselor would be to talk about things. Why this is so touchy is that my wife cannont handle critisim, suggestions, different views, etc. I've been really cautious in my mannerisms, speech, etc. And when I'm not so smooth it devastates me as I want not to hurt her or irk her. She avoids conflict. Yes I know. It's the number one predictor of divorce. And I believe it's a big part of how she and I got here. Knowledge, I love it, I hate it, but I will still embrace it.

OK. You guys ready ???

(Obviously there are many more details. I'm trying not to kill you with this.)

I call dudes wife in Feb '07. By now my notebook is fat. I know when, where, how, who, etc. I've had much counseling, many friends have counseled me also. Phone records, PI's etc. The evidence really sucks.
Dudes wife thought something was up. She didn't expect it to be my wife. They weren't the friends that my wife said they were.
I picked up my wife from work. She said dude called her and wanted to know if I called his house. I said I had and that the truth had come out. She told me she couldn't admit to something she didn't do. My wife called my crazy, etc. denied everything. Told me she wanted a divorce etc.
That nite, I sent the wife some of my info. She kicked him out. He came home the next day and told the truth of the matter and apogized and asked her to forgive him, etc. (I'v talked with the wife since. The guy has done everything possibe and imaginable to right what he did. What a guy).
We wife continued to deny everything. Then she admitted to fooling around. But she couldn't explain what that meant. He calls me as I'm talking to her. I ask "Have you slept with my wife?". "Yes I have", he says. I gave the phone to her.
The couselro came to the house for the 911. He tried to talk with her. They made an appointment to talk just them.
Next day she is still full of defiance and venom. But we decide to try to work it out.
So, between Feb and now we have had some good stuff. She's been more open, actually talked a bit about what happened, although very tite lipped about the affair, mostly just talked about how she felt that led to the affair, such as, being old, feeling despair, unaccomplished, that I didn't love her, etc.
He on the other hand has told me much of the details of the affair. He and his wife have helped me a lot through this. His wife has been tremendous to me.
My wife ? She certainly hasn't done what is recommended in couseling, DB, books etc. She's not given me s proper apology, ask for forgivness, meet my needs, empathy, etc.
It really hurts. Only surface conversation. Won't really talk. Says I pressure her, condescining, etc. Sex dried up again. Still pretty secretive, and not open. Kept a friend who new about the affair that I asked to be NC with. This friend, like many of my wife's friends are, bitter, divorced, drug and alcohol problematic, kid issues, etc. My wife comes from a long line of alcholics, drug addicts, and philanderes.
A couseler talked to me about enabling and denial. That hurt. To see that clearly.
I started to get that feeling again that something is not right. Started in May.
I try to talk to her how I feel. I get shut down, told to "get over it". I feel invaidated. She shows me little respect or regard. Got her to finally wear her wedding band again. Got her to hold my hand again. Got her to take the guys name out of her phone and phonebook. But, it took months.
I feel very not good about how I've been treated. It's not how I thought it would be. I feel very used, abused, shown disrespect, contempt, disdain, etc. She will not talk about it or honor my concerns. She makes fun of me. Like I'm a fool when I talk about needs especially any I might have.
I have gotten so frustrated that I've talked about divorce. We even went and made an appointment. Then cancelled it.
She, for awile there, around Apr-May '07, said that she was in love with me. That our marriage was a ten. That things were great. Although sex has most always felt like she was very distant from me, it was a hair less so. The sex thing bothers me because of the frquency that they had sex. And the fact that the wife said they had a lot of wild sex and fooling around. I was denied that in my marriage. It's a painful disconnect. That and the fact that she was friendly to him. Pursued him. Was nice to him. Talked to him. Treated him as a friend, etc. Things denied me in the marriage before and after the disaster. Anyways.
Last week I said to her, after getting my wording checked by the counselor, "You say you don't love me. Why then would it bother you if I leave you? You say you don't love me, so why would I stay with you? It's as if you collect a paycheck but don't go to work". As i started to say these things, the usual meaness from her started, but I asked her to let me finish and she did.
I tried to talk to her about on Sunday, and she blew up at me again. I lost my cool. I didn't yell or anything but I said we need to divorce and move on as this is not working. I love you but this to painful for me.
We got home told the kids. I told her Mom and called my friends and couselor who had helped so much and broke the news to them.
We filed for divorce yesterday.
I saw my couselor before the filing and he painted a picture for me that helped to explain to me what had happened.
It really hurts when it appears that the person you love more that anyone in this world is that messed up and in denial.
You guys rock !!!
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I thought I should add a couple things to me (sorry) crazy long post.
After talking with the dude, he actually called to help me get through this as my wife refused to tell me what had happened, I got a lot more details filled in. From what he told me, I was able to make better sense of what had happened. This would be Feb-Mar '07. From his story I was able to confirm many things I suspected. I found out a few things I didn't know for sure about, such as her claiiming to be at work, but instead seeing him in his distant town and him coming here to see her. Where the affair happened how, how often etc. His wife had been relaying to me the truth as she learned it also. It was amazing how much I was decieved ans was continuing to be decieved. My wife had always been, shall I say, with out being to harsh, untruthful/a liar, a lot of which would be omission. I've discovered thru this disaster just how dishonest she had been with me thru the years. I started to remember all the many times I'd seen her lie, fudge documents, etc. It's been a ****** of a learning experience about my self, her and how relationships work/don't work. I relieazied just how dishonest she had always been with me. Although I will say to be fair to a degree, she avoids conflicts like the plague. She had always prided herself on the fact that we never fought.
On the Bosses wedding nite, when I kicked her out and packed her stuff (the boss has been divorced by his wife recently as she has discovered the depth of his own dishonesty, ironic?), the dude had kissed her goodbye, didn't want to continue the affair. He said she had a tear in her eye. She wouldn't admit to me that that had happened. She said it, "Wasn't like that". That next day, the day she was thrown out, she told me about not being mad at me and wanting to reconcile. But the next, she was calling him again according to phone records. These are some ot the parts of the story that were later filled in when the dude had filled me in on the details.
I feel bad trusting him more than her, considering she is my wife, but I checked what he said with what I knew and there were know discrepencies. As I said before, she wouldn't admit or talk about anything unless I had proven all the facts before hand. I'd gotten no new knowledge of the affair from her, only from him. And that really sucks when your supposed to be reconciling.
I sometimes wonder if I've made too many mistakes in dealing with this. Sometimes I don't. I do know that her cooperation has not been offered or forthcoming and that seems to have really hurt the reconcilation. I've done the work and that doesn't seem right. I'd hope she'd have done hers. Saying that, I wish I could feel the elation that those of you who have succesfully DB'd, feel.
---------------------
Allow me to rephrase something:
Last week I said to her, after getting my wording checked by the counselor, "You say you don't love me. Why then would it bother you if I leave you? You say you don't love me, so why would I stay with you? It's as if you collect a paycheck but don't go to work".

to:
Last week I said to her, after my couselor clarified what I was thinking and suggested a way to say it best, by helping me with the wording (which I wrote down), "You say you don't love me. Why then would it bother you if I leave you? You say you don't love me, so why would I stay with you? It's as if you collect a paycheck but don't go to work".

I cannot take the credit for his brilliant words. He has been great at clarifing what I'm feeling and checking how I would say it. He is so amazing. I wish I'd gone to him years ago.
----------------
So I'm wondering if I was wrong to end this marriage, although as a DB'er your always working on it and hoping for the best. That's where you'alls feedback is most appreciated.
Thanks again.

Also:
This is my favorite words of wisdom these days and would like to share with those who know not about it:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum1/HTML/005978.html

I'm sorry this has happened to you. And it echoes my own fears...

Even after all that I am doing to change, everything that I have to put up with, and all the time that is passing... It still doesn't work out and we still get a divorce.

Again, I am very sorry it turned the way it did for you.

Good Luck,
Rummi

bobelina,

Talk about a rollercoaster. You have to give yourself some credit though for the dignity you preserved through this whole process. Be good to yourself. It couldn't have been easy for your kids, either...just help them through this time as well --- they need you now.

As for your WW, unless she figures out the true root of her discontent, she will not survive any M, or any R for that matter.

You did your best...and so did your MC.

Lots of luck to you.

Thank you all for your comments, I appreciate hearing from the community, it really helps.

I read a book called "Bold Love" by Dan Allender. Kinda an eye opening book. It was referred to in "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge.
It talked about loving evil people, foolish people and normal people. Ouch. That was really painful as I started to see my wife a bit differently.
I'd never thought of her as a "bad" person. Ouch. I was starting to wonder who she may really be. I just thought of her as hurting and angry. Had grown up in a pretty bad environment. "Chaos" as she called it. That was never a word I'd ever associated with her, evil. I talked to my couselor about it. "Foolish" I could fathom, but evil? I had to think about that. And that's been hard. Evil. Damn.
Really. Damn.
I've been thinking that her problems, are and have been way hugher than I had ever imagined. I'm really starting to understand what is meant, when it is said, that it's not about "you", but really about "them". Ouch and damn again.
You can bring a horse to water, but you can't make them drink, even if you salt the oats.
I now feel that I understand why at the end of all the books they say that the work you do is really about and for you.

Hello all.
Just read somethings on Exit Affairs. Been awhile since I'd heard that.
Does my sitch sound like an exit affair to you?

If it's an Exit Affair, I feel more compassion for her and think of her, for lack of a better word, less of an ******.
What do you think?

I may have answered my own question. Allow me to elaborate:

My wife had said on the day she had the breakdown, renting the apartment,
that she never thought she'd be one of those women, meaning divorced.
On the few occasions (2-3?) that she had opened up to me a bit she stated that she had never intended for us to divorce, even while she was having the affair. In a argument (as that was usually about the only time she would actually say anything) she said that divorce was not an option. So in my humble opinion it still sounds more like a mid-life crisis.
I do often though, feel unbeliavable compassion for her, when I think of and try to undersand what she may be feeling. That is why I don't understand why she has been, for a lack of another word, so rotten through out this.
I often think she is a really hurt, angry and disappointed little girl. When I see her as that, I have more patience with her.
But...
As you've read above, WTF?

I had posted this elswhere under someonelse's Topic: Sometimes its not you its them - I dont buy it

Located here:
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=177104&AP=21&HL=

I wanted to post it under my story also. Thanks.
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My friends,
This is a ****** of a topic. May I chime in?
Thanks.
Check out Dr Harleys stuff:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/index.html
His stuff may be helpful.
I like some of Harleys stuff, especially the Love Bank, The Policies and the Most Important Emotional Needs. But then again this stuff shows up in various forms through out the marriage fixing literature and communitys.
From reading about everything under the sun about what we are going through, I think it comes down to a lot of selfishness and selfcenteredness on the part of the WS. We sometimes beat our selves up for what we/they did, but they strayed. They have committed the Ultimate Betrayal. It seems no matter how we justify, explain, dissect, credit, discredit, etc. It still comes down to this one action,

THEY BETRAYED US.

They strayed.
If we had followed all this marriage building fixing, divorce busting stuff before our nightmares, BS and WS, we probably wouldn't have these problems. I really believe that. To bad we didn't know this stuff back then.
Now that they have strayed and won't come out of La-La land after all our hard work to make things right, I think it reflects poorly on them, not us. Somewhere deep down in side, they know. They know what they did was wrong. They know that they have destroyed thier integrity. They know that they aren't trustworthy, etc. These are the basic building blocks of any and all relationships, marriage, kids, buisness, etc. They know this.
I think they are raging mad at us the world, universe, everything when we won't step down to thier level, to behave as they have in some way, to be "bad" like they've been. When we are good, and noble, and kind, and patient, and do the right thing, they can't handle it. They attack us. They can't justify thier behaviors.
They know, somewhere deep down inside, that they are/have flawed, to a fault. This is part of why they act so rotten to us, cause we are doing the right thing.
I feel your pain too. I'm there too. I sometimes wonder that this hurts us so much because we have seen the light. We've learned what it takes to make a marriage work and that we are willing to do that work. That we want to do this with them.
That's why this hurts us so much. That we want to do this with them.
We've learned what love really means, what affairs really are, that we can reconcile and build anew, forgive, etc. They haven't learned that. We love them and it hurts. Really bad.

I've posted this elsewhere:
----------------------
As a general post to all:
I've been NC with my wife for 5+ days now. It's been kinda eye opening (Soul soothing maybe(?)).
I've talked alot on these boards (I've posted on a few), I've read many other's posts and interacted a bit with others in my shoes (I think maybe I should have done this ages ago).
With this divorce filing, I'm at the After the After the After the After the After the After the After the Last Resort Technique (ala "Divorce Remedy" from Michele Weiner-Davis at divorcebusting.com), but I'm finding my self moving more towards the opposite of loving my wife to, I just don't f***ing care anymore.
Not out of anger (I believe) but that it's just time to move on. I feel pretty "liberated" though. I see a very brite lite at the end of the tunnel for my kids and I. Maybe my wife really is evil. I don't know and I kinda don't care.
It's interesting way to be feeling though. Never would have thought I'd feel this may.
I really appreciate being able to express my thoughts and feelings here though. It really seems to help.
I can see now why others do this too.
Thank all of you again.

Bob,

Go to the GQ board. A couple of days ago, there was a post about Romantic vs Exit affairs that you may want to read. I can bump it up for you.

My wife has started to "poison the well", speaking ill of me to the kids. Not cool.
Your thoughts?
Please and thank you again.

My friends,
You have been so support of and helpful. I really appreciate your thoughts, feelings, comments ideas etc.
I've read many of your posts and I will chime in as time allows.

I've been posting to a few places:
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...e=2#Post1130276

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3275828

http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=177014

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...e=2#Post1134148

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3277869

http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=177687

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=1#Post3277549

I've put my story on all three boards as all three have been tremendously helpful.
If some of my posts seem a bit disjointed it would be that I try to post consistently on all three boards. Thanks again, you'all have been awesome.

Hey all,
Tell me...
This whole thing is starting to just feel surreal. Just not real. Not like it never happened, but just how friggin' stoopid it all is.
YOu guys ever feel like that?
Thanks again.

hmmm...
Allow me to rephrase that:
Wife: "Help me, help me, help me !!! My hand is on fire !!!"
Husband "Oh, my !!!. Let me help you pull your hand out of the fire !!!"
Wife: "DON'T YOU DARE F**CKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO YOU A**HOLE !!!"

bobelina - You asked for "thoughts," so here are mine.

Your wife is still in "Wayward Spouse" mental mode.

Change does not usually happen unless preceded by a "crisis."

She "never thought she would be one of 'those'(divorced") is both an attempt to rationalize her behavior as NOT already choosing divorce AND a "crisis point." You have initiated Divorce procedings and, let's face it, IS a "marital crisis." The marriage will either die or be resussitated and survive.

But there are two players here, you and her.

I get the impression from a brief comment that you may be a believer. I get no impression as to the importance of Jesus Christ to your wife. So at best it appears on the surface to potentially be an "unequally yoked" marriage.

YOU can choose forgiveness, but it's really rather pointless if she will not submit her life to God. If she won't do that, why would she "submit" anything to you, a mere mortal?

You have never been in recovery, despite the many times where things "seemed" better. You can't be in recovery until the truth is confessed, forgiveness sought and granted, and both of you commit to doing what is necessary to make changes in each of you that supports and enhances the marriage and love for each other ABOVE personal hurts and other emotional feelings.

LOVE is an action verb. It requires DOING before the "feelings" follow after. That, in essence, it is the Marriage Builders philosophy of meeting each other's Emotional Needs whether you "feel like do so or not."

So you will simply have to ask yourself if you want to remain married without her participation in the marriage or if it would be better to "let her go."

She, in return, will have to live with the consequences of HER choices.

God bless.

So, I confronted her on the "Poisoning of the Well". It went like this:

Me: I'd like to talk with you about the kids.
Her: Let me finish up what I'm doing.

A few moments later...

Me: We had agreed that we would split 50/50 the placement, custody etc. of the kids.
Her: Yes we did.

Me: The kids have said that you told them that they would spend most of the time with you. They also said that you told them I don't like your family, that I'm mean to you, that I yell at you, etc.
The courts call this "Interference".
If you, your friends, your family, whomever continue this behavior, I will take this to the courts.

Then the Alien Speak...

Her: You know, I can twist what they say about you, around to, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah...
I didn't think you would really get your own place, blah, blah, blah, blah...

Me: Anyways, I have a lawn to finish mowing.

And I walked away...

I've seen many posts testifying to the "Infidelity Diet" on these websites.

Well, I'm here to tell you that I'm living proof that the "Infidelity Diet" works.

I've lost thirty plus pounds on the "Infidelity Diet" and I'm STILL KEEPING IT OFF !!!

Thanks, "Infidelity Diet".

Check this out:
In 15 years of marriage she has rarely, I kid you not, said "thank you" to me for much of anything I've ever done for her.
She just said "thank you" in both sentences she just spoke to me... WTF?

Our situations would be friggin' hilarious if they weren't so friggin' heartbreaking.

I, like most of you, I assume, would just love to scream at the top of our lungs so it would sink in and get thru the WSers thick skulls,

"STOP YOUR D**MN WHINING AND GROW THE F**UCK UP !!!

Ahh, the WSers, "Poor, poor, pitiful me, my life is so terrible I think I'll have an affair..."

A bunch of self-centered, selfish, horse hockey.
----------------------
I've been thru the anger/frustration of:
"Why is this happening, why can't we work it out, why are you doing this to me/us?",

To:

Moving into the anger/annoyance/nuisance of:
"Your a f**cking moron, leave me the h*ll alone !!!".

Just my three and half cents worth of venting and ranting.

Thanks again.

I'm afraid my wife will some day have her d*amn ephinany and I'll be with someone else, kids hate her or are indifferent towards her or somethin', for all of what she has done and caused to happen. All this pain. Then what? How much is that gonna suck for her if that should happen? How much? I wonder about that.
To maybe wake up someday and go, "Oh My God, WHAT HAVE I DONE?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! AAAAARRRRRRGGGHHHHHHH!?!?!?!?!?!?! BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH etc. ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!"
I don't know, but I think that that, no offense for what we are all going thru, it is going to make our struggle, p-a-l-e in comparison.
I think that that would be compariable to finding out that there really is a ****** and that your going to it.