He is ADDICTED Ani...At times he probably does want to stop and can't figure out how...I can assure you that he is conflicted-conflict creates anxiety-he's an anxious addicted nutcase right now...Help him by exposing...The only cure for this addiction is NO CONTACT..."Feelings" change and cannot be trusted Ani...What matters is that he made the choice to be married to you, that supercedes all other choices...He loved you once, which means he absolutely, positively can love you again...NO QUESTION ABOUT IT...No contact has to be established for him to fall in love with you again...Expose the affair Ani...It is for you both...

Mrs. W

Her job is her life. She works long and crazy hours, travels a lot and has no children. Also, her husband really doesn't seem to be working too hard to get her back. This is probable her only soft spot.

That tells me that exposure is likely to have the desired effect Ani...I would bring her to her knees with it...

Mrs. W

Ani...

I would also find OW's parents and expose to them...Parents are GREAT exposure targets...You do this WITH workplace exposure...It's not an either/or thing...

Mrs. W

I think he thought if he got another job it would help him establish NC. We even dabbled with moving out of state. I felt like if he was that serious with her that he wouldn't even consider it.

Again, he probably is conflicted...BUT, do not rule out that he is telling you anything he can to to keep you at bay and continue with his addiction...

Mrs. W

Ani...

I don't doubt that he has moments of lucidity where he can see that he wants to be with you, but the addiction is VERY powerful...You can't afford to discount it...

Mrs. W

Ani,

Please listen to the people here - please. I know you don't know what to think, but we have seen this sitch many times.

I went back in my threads and found this. It is from 7-17-06 and it is where MrsW was helping me.

"M2L, you need to call OMW and make CERTAIN that she KNOWS about your wife's affair with her husband...That is your job...Your obligation...The OMW has a right to know, and it will provide insurance to your marriage of NC...Will you do this M2L?

Mrs. W"

She helped show me why exposure is so improtant.

I did tell the OMW in my case. We had lunch. long story short - my wife and I are happy again.

I went to speak to the OW because I knew it would scare the heck out of her. She acts like she's got it all together but she's afraid of me because I have the ability to ruin or disrupt her career at any given moment. What amazes me is she is still trying to get my husband. I bet she's sorry I found this website or I probably would have given up long time ago. I'm sure she would have liked me to kick him out long ago.

In regards to exposure at work, Ani, I would encourage you to unsheath that particular sword and expose her sexual activities with her employee to her employers. I would strongly suggest you move toward doing that soon and that you discuss it here so that others can help "gird you up" and prepare you for it.

As to thinking that you can determine anything about a WS based on what they will consider or say - you can't. It costs them nothing to let you think they are "considering" doing the right thing.

Infidels lie. They lie to their spouses, they like to their partner in adultery and they lie to themselves.

Their actions and behaviors will reveal the truth.

I'm about to say something that is meant in a nice arm around your shoulder kinda way.

Stop playing these games and kill this A. You live day to day with the thought that you could end her career and think that she will rue the day that found this site. Come on now.

We have listed the best tools / ways for you to help end this A. Now it is up to you.

***note - I'm yelling to you, not at you.***

Okay, I can understand you wanting to try and push her buttons. But, there are much more strategic ways of doing so, that provide more protection for you and can possibly increase the amount of damage you can inflict on the affair.

So, don't try to see or talk to the OW. I know that there's a certain sense of bravado and "I'll show her" that can temporarily lift your spirits. But, IMO, it is not the wisest way to proceed.

If you appeal to her, she sees you as weak.
If you threaten her, she sees you as frightened.
If you insult her, she sees you bleeding.

And in the off chance that your confrontation does manage to frighten her a bit, she will immediately make plans to render you and your efforts ineffective.

Showing up to her work without a real plan in hand, will give her just enough warning that she will manipulate her bosses to think you're a disgruntled nutcase. See how easy that would be for her to do?

So, don't warn her. Get a plan. Get prepared. Follow through.

Don't ever announce to your enemy that you're coming and what your plan is.

OK guys. You have all helped me gain the courage to expose to his employer. I will do it in the form of a letter as advised and cc it to my attorney. I am not looking forward to what is going to happen next. My only question is should I wait until after our appts with Steve to see if he was able to help with the situation first?

You're right graplin. I feel like I have no control over the situation. Since she is his boss she can assign him to travel with her whenever she wants. She knows she has the upper hand when it comes to that. My husband has stated that things could get really difficult if she found out he moved back home. I heard that she has the power to fire him at a moments notice. I also heard that if it came down to her or an employee that the company would back her and fire him. She generates too much revenue for the company to lose her. That is why I am concerned about my H job. The threat is very real when dealing with her.

How soon are your appointments with Steve?

Also, it sounds as if the company is large enough to have an employee manual or guideline book. Is that possible?

Appts are Monday. Company is a National Company. They have HR policies.

I would expose the affair to HR A.S.A.P. Steve understands exposure completely and can do his magic within that framework...

Mrs. W

Do they have their HR policies online? Is there any way to get a copy of their HR guidelines. I would try to do this because it will assist you in better targeting your exposure. If their guidelines address inappropriate work contact, then your exposure can specficially reference the guidelines being broken.

It isn't necessary and if it would cause a delay I would do without, but when it comes to dealing with corporate types, referencing their own specific rules often carries more weight than a more generalized letter. And it might provide the specific person/people and/or the "title" of the best person to contact. A generalized letter to a large HR department can get shuffled between desks losing valuable time if it's not as targeted.

Additionally, the letter should include the coercion that OW has been in a position to enact as well as the misuse of power that enables her to make sure her affair partner goes on trips with her, effectively cutting out those employees who may have better suited the purpose while leaving your WH with fear that he must do what she demands.

Just some thoughts.

This is 100% sexual harassment. Can you imagine how this would look if the boss was male and the employee was female? It's no different here. Contact the OW's superiors immediamente!
Mulan

Ani, I would suggest writing the exposure letter, naming names and dates to just give them enough evidence to demonstrate your credibility. State that his workplace adultery has broken up 2 marriages and devastated many people.

Send the letter CERTIFIED so someone has to sign for it and address it to the director of Human Resources, ccing a senior VP and both of their bosses. [all by name] That way, no one will be tempted to sweep the letter under the rug. I would not suggest that they take any action, rather, ask them this: "what do intend on doing about this?" That states an expectation of action without telling them what to do in accordance their own policy, which might cause resentment.

Be sure and say something about the potential of sexual harrassment because of the imbalance of power in the relationship.