i don't think a month is too short. also he still sees her at work so he's not untangled completely from her yet. have you read dr harley's surviving an affair? i think it will help you understand better what is going thru his mind. once you understand, you may not be so scared and worried. this takes time - keep it up. i know it's real painful not to hear the i love yous, but you've got to believe they'll be there again someday. please read the book if you haven't yet.

Hi Ashes!

Good to hear from you. I've probably memorized Surviving an Affair. I purchased it right after I found out. I know seeing her isn't helping. The summer job search is slow. He seems to get annoyed with me when I ask him how the search is going. Almost like I'm nagging him. I'm just trying to find out if he has any prospects. Should I not ask about the job search? I feel like he will take his time
in searching if I don't ask. Also, the week before he moved home we were talking about relocating to another state. Nothing real serious but "it would be nice to live in this state" etc. He said of course that we would move together as a family. So is asking him anything about the future a no no right now and why does it seem to bother him when talking about the future. Could he be afraid to move out of state because he's not if we'll make it yet? Or does he not want to move so far away from her? Last question, He seems to go from being content/happy to somewhat distant. What's up with that?

Hi all MB. I'm feeling a bit hopeless today. Could use some support/wisdom. Getting tired of being the one doing all the work to keep this marriage alive. Tired of the rollercoaster. One day great, next day cold kiss. How long will this go on? Should I ask spouse to leave until he can secure another job and get away from OW. He doesn't understand how difficult it is for me knowing that he has to have contact with her for professional reasons. How do I know he even told her he moved home? Should I try and find out? Would a WS move home to protect his job and OW's? Or can I assume that didn't happen. Any words of encouragement would be great right now.

If you've memorized SAA you should know that you need t/b patient and NOT do all the work. Please read His Needs/Her Needs (Harley).

L.

This is an update. WS finally got another job and will starting it on Monday. He still seems guarded after moving home. It makes me feel so insecure. How long will it take for him to come around and be more open? Should I try to talk about the affair or just keep things light? I feel like we just totally avoid the subject. I know he is ashamed of what he did but it would be nice if we were able to talk about it and learn from it. Too soon?