Protect yourself and your assets.

Stay the course with Harley but if she leaves you need to have to do list.

Change locks.
See a Lawyer.
Get CS.
Cancel Credit Cards. (Just tell them it was lost or stolen) They cannot reactivate after it is closed)
Same with the bank cards. (Say they are lost or stolen) My bank will only send them to my house.
Move the money out of the accounts you have them in.
Treat the kids like the gifts they are.
Expose to her family where she is and what she is doing.
Get a TRO if possible based on the past abuse.

Try to take care of yourself. Eat and take vitamins.

Your kids need you!!!!

Great advice, Frog.

Owl,

Thanks that should be a start anyone else please add to it.

Hopefully it won't be needed but if it is planning ahead will only help.

Good luck Hido.

Thanks for the recommendations, that is the plan I will follow if she leaves. Both Steve H and my IC agree to do everything I can to stop her from going as it will only serve to anchor the affair further. Up till now it has been an EA and one time PA and the fact that 99% of the A has been by cell text or voice only serves to mask the reality. My SIL said something good the other day: "He has no idea what he is for with her ... we know her and he doesn't".
My best hope if she goes would be that it snaps her back to reality but I think OM will put on his best game face for 2 weeks and prolong the A.
She justifies her actions by writing of the M yet still claiming she will do everything to provide the best possible future for her 2 boys. What a load of craopla.
I asked her (again) to speak to Steve H to at least explain why the MB principles will not work and she refuses to saying she can not and will not speak to someone she does not know or can't see. (Bit of irony there, I just realized and I am laughing at my desk).

I'm sorry MPEP....hahahahahahahaha LMAO!!!! What a statement coming from someone who will not talk to someone she can't see or has never met, but will gladly destroy her marriage and family for a guy that she has mostly played teenage text games with. Unbelieveable!

You do everything in your power to keep her from going on that trip. If she still plans on going, you let her know that she better pack her bags for longer than two weeks because she won't be coming home afterwards. Let her know that what she doesn't take with her will be thrown out.

She can still get back in by court order though, can't she?

I'm not sure about that, it will depend on what the laws are but who is going to pay for her to go to court to get the court order?? You're not enabling her financially so where will she get the money?

Hmm...good point.

Her foolishness will surface and she will come to find what she has wasted. It is really too bad that she is leaving for only two weeks as a four week trip would most certainly destroy the affair.

I know how empowering it feels to have a line drawn in the sand but after it is all said and done you will have cut your nose to spite your face. Everyone becomes a victim in divorce.

She is acting on a fairy tail. She thinks her love is the truest ever, yet we know that is not the case.

What will you do if she returns with her head hanging low?

Mr. G

I really think that a Plan B right now is the correct response.

1. You tell her she will not be allowed to return to the home if she leaves.

2. She can only return if and only if she ends the affair with the OM.

3. She must abide by the conditions that you set to insure complete transparency.

4. You will have no further contact with her once she leaves.

Just my thoughts at some alternatives.

Mr. G

TJ


After reading your words for awhile now, I have to ask. Is a fairy tail the dark side of a fairy tale? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

/TJ over

That is what I am afraid of. I haven't had the chance to Plan B and protect my feelings so my bank is really really empty. I guess if she comes back head low I will decide then. It's one of those moments you can only decide when faced by it. I remember telling her before when she had an EA six years ago that if she ever did it again I would be done for.

Hido69 - the above quotation from Owl is something that she doesn't see, but she needs to at least see in terms that she might understand.

How about telling her that "unlike the games she likes to play, there is no "reset" button and no "extra life" button in the Game Of Life.
She stands at a "decision point" in her game, which of two possible paths she can take. Once the path is chosen, the consequences of that choice, and the "outcome of the game" has its own scenario, and not the one she might want. The ending is "preprogrammed" and she is just playing the game.

Surprise!! A known, proven, and experienced cheater who seems "so nice" and tempting is waiting at the end of one path or a faithful spouse, children, and a mended but unbroken home await at the end of the second path.

The CHOICE is yours, Wonder Woman, it's an "all or nothing" choice that IS what being married is all about, or have you forgotten what your marriage vows were all about?

The adultery trail or the marriage trail. The two can cross, but they cannot merge."



Hido, Plan B is not in the picture, imho. Plan D (Divorce) is the way to go.

If there is a real and sincere change in her, and if you still want to attempt recovery during the time before divorce is finalized, that is YOUR choice. She leaves....She has already made her choice the minute she walks out the door for the last time.

Hido, in my humble opinion, you are in a state of war. Plan A, Plan B, etc. are NEGOTIATION tactics to avoid an all out fight. You are already IN that fight and until a "Truce" is agreed to, you have to FIGHT. Until the "other side" sees that continued fighting WILL lead to their death, there is no chance of a "cease fire" and the agreement to "talk and negotiations." Until then, you fight, and you fight for YOUR "nation," your children, your family, your marriage, yourself as the "better" example of strong moral fiber over selfishness and lack of care for others.

God bless.

Hido,

This two week f*ckfest will destroy your marriage. I have no doubt that Plan A/B/whatever could eventually work once the fantasy of the A has died and OM has moved on to greener pastures - once the years have passed and the nightmare of mental images of this two week tryst have diminshed from a stabbing pain to merely a dull ache like the broken arm that, while the bone has mended, the annoying twinge never quite stops.

But the one thing that will forever remain is the complete and utter loss of respect. You will have lost respect for WW because she chose someone else over you. WW will have lost respect for you for not having stood your ground and barring her from going to OM and making this awful mistake and not having protected your family. And, perhaps more importantly, you will have lost all respect for yourself for not having been man enough to draw the line at this abomination. And your lack of self-respect will be an incurable cancer in your soul. And it will spread. It will infect WW, your family and your entire life.

If WW goes to OM, WW stays with OM. There is no turning back. Trust me - you wouldn't want her back. No matter the apologies, the tears, the handwringing - nothing. If she goes to OM, one way or another your M is over. It's just a matter of how long you wish to drag it out.

I agree 100% with Ghostrider. This is a fork in the road for your M... if she turns down that road...it needs to end...swiftly and agressively.

Thanks a ton for the encouraging words. This is the week OM is supposed to show up and so far I have heard of no plans for her to leave in fact she is making Rec. Companionship plans with us. She likely recognized the impact of leaving and he'll be staying in a hotel close by. Either way, I'll get my proof and close the door if she goes to him.

hido,

My FWH went on a one MONTH f*ckfest with his OW. He left on the pretense of "needing space," and I bought it. Four days later, OW's H called me with the truth.

We are now in recovery. But when he came home intially, we talked for a long time. He didn't even really want back in, to tell you the truth. But I gave him an ultimatum of sorts, told him to end the affair NOW, and we could work on things. Do you know what his answer was? It was, "can I let you know tomorrow?" These WS's are so selfish and so stupid, it's bone chilling. I said no, you can't have until tomorrow. About four hours later, I met up with him again. He'd broken it off with OW, and we have been working very hard on the M ever since.

I will tell you, though, ghostrider is right. His month long f*ckfest haunts me to this day ... and ALWAYS will.

Update:

The date she was supposed to leave has passed and she has not spoken a word about daycare or leaving. I half expected him to show up anyways but she is making plans with me to do stuff around the house. We've been getting along better, especially with me laying off any kind of talking.

Problem is today I receive a text saying "Happy Birthday My Husband!!!" and today is not my birthday. She claims the texting is messed up and, while I admit it has been acting strangely today, I have a hard time believing that was not meant for him.

She also confronted me that I exposed to one of our couple friends. She is fuming mad about it.

Her words (verbatim from text message):

I figure this is just more fog talk and gaslighting but she always succeeds in making me feel guilty. Even though I am not apologetic, I have a hard time coming up with a response as to why exposure is necessary. Does anyone have any choice words of wisdom I can use to explain it to her or should I even bother?

Yes, the marriage vows did include the part "let no man put asunder what God has joined together". And I will continue to do whatever it takes to protect my family. Thank you for reminding me.