Good answer except ours is Civil and has no commitment text of any kind in it.

How about simply, I'm going to continue to do whatever it takes to protect our family.

Just tell Her:

Steve Harley would be happy to explain to you.

I would close the credit card accounts right now, and move the bank accounts immediately, and if she needs money, give her cash only. This puts a cramp in her style right away, and shows her you mean business with regard to her affair. If she wants to fly anywhere, OM would have to do the paying for the flight.

The next step would be cutting off her cell phone. Also, you could change the password on the home computer and internet access to something only you know, thus cutting off the "lovebird's" ability to communicate with each other at your home. She would have to go somewhere else to talk to him, like the public library, which would certainly make her uncomfortable, and since she doesn't drive, it would take effort on her part, and limit the time of day she is able to make contact.

If she balks, tell her you are doing whatever it takes to save your marriage and family, and if it takes these measures, then so be it.

SB

Hello Hidosixniner,

I’ve read up on your thread here. It looks like you are getting some great advice so far but I’d like to point out a few things that will help.

I take it that you are in counseling with S. Harley individually. That is probably the most proactive thing that you could have done here. Do what ever it is that he suggests before you take any of the advice of the forum members. You have to execute the plan like an embattled General with a clear objective.

Use us for moral support and helpful contributions.

First EXPOSE your W’s affair to EVERY SINGLE significant influence in her life! She was upset before and babble fogese at you because she KNOWS deep down inside that she is a dirty rotten scumbag for carrying on like an alley cat, and that nobody respects that. The only exception here would be enabling girlfriends that she may have.

As a matter of fact, you can put it in the bank that ALL of her daily contacts that are “friends” right now are supporting her A. They are poison and will not help you in your endeavor to fight for your M. Cull them out of your life.

If you know who this scum bag OM is, then get busy exposing to everyone significant in his life also! Sometimes the WS will give a tell if you manipulate them through proactive statements. She is going to be totally defensive of the OM as she has invested herself in his falsely glorified shmukness.

As previously stated, cut off ANY support that you are directly contributing to her A. Like Schoolbus said, that would include cell phone, internet (use a router password), and cash.

FORCE the OM to meet ALL of her needs besides just conversation, SF, recreational activity, and flattery.

It will take some of the perceived “value” away from her bill of sale to him if he is coughing up cash to fortify her life and dealing with the emotional turmoil of an impending D.

If your children are old enough…. tell them about the A. This is for them so that they will know why mommy is neglecting them and spinning the negative affects of their life for her own benefit. This will help them to maintain some sanity during and after this all washes out.

Reach down there and find your nut sack.

Now, remind yourself that you are a man worthy of being treated with RESPECT, DIGNITY, and VALUE.

I say this, because it’s very hard to see that sometimes when you are standing in the face of something so overwhelmingly demeaning like being a BS. This isn’t about you, it’s about her.

Show strength instead of weakness; it will be far more attractive.

Clean yourself up. Get some new clothes. If you have a sister, ask her to be your fashion designer this weekend.

Make her choices to be with OM be choices to “destroy our family”, “give up our family”, “ruin our family”, “abandon our family”, etc.

Refer to her relationship with him as ADULTERY only.

If she leaves on the “trip” to OM’s, make CERTAIN that you figure out a way to establish ABANDONMENT. Document everything and start writing all this crap down in a journal so that you can support the notion that she knowingly and wantonly chose to abandon her family to conduct adultery in another state.

Tell her that if she leaves, she is choosing to abandon you and the children.

At this point you should have your own checking account set up with your check direct deposited to that if possible. And all of your joint credit cards should be cancelled. You should also be consulting with an attorney. He may advise that to keep her from financially ruining you, that you may actually have to file for the beginning steps of a D.

You can do this all the while telling your W, that if she chooses to commit to your M and meet your terms for having a M that practices MB’ing, you will always be there for her, that you love her, and that you want to improve your M.

Also admit that you accept half of the responsibility for the state of your M up to the point that she decided to be an adulteress.

Read about the carrot and the stick by searching here. It works.

Most importantly (and the most difficult) take care of your own health and put as much energy as you can muster into the relationship you have with your children.

I wish you the best.