Ok everyone my DH and I have had a very long talk. I asked him a little while ago if he was going acroos the street with me to our neighbors little girl's birthday party. He said he didn't want to go. I said well for the 4th when B invited us over and I said I didn't want to go he said it would be rude for us not to go because we stay right across the street. Then he stated that he can just show our faces and go to the fireworks. I said ok. We went and he was fussing at me because I was standing outside talking to some of our other neighbors instead mingling at B's get together.

Because he said no about going to the little girl's b-day party. I asked him why wouldn't he go? He had just said less than two weeks ago it would be rude not to go to B's but he doesn't want to go the little girls b-day and she stays across the street as well? He said that was different. It wasn't a kid's b-day. It was the 4th. The kid's b-day will have a lot of kids running around screaming and I said it had a lot of kids running around screaming at B's house and we went there. So I told him I have a problem with this. When she invited us at the last minute he was all ready to go even though I said I didn't want to any other time he is anti-social, yet you say you went to someone's house who you find attractive even though I told you how I felt about the sitch and I go with you because you say you don't want to be rude but yet you can be rude to the other neighbors and that is ok? I don't understand this. It seems a bit suspicious

Mr Maryamb: Why do I always have to suffer because of your insecurities? I find it pretty suspicious that I always end up saying yes to things I don't want to do.

Maryam: I am sorry if you feel like you have to do things around here you don't want to do. You don't have to go to the b-day party. I just want to know why was it rude not to go to one neighbors house we were invited to and not the others?

Mr. Maryamb: I knew I should not have told you the truth when you asked me that question. Telling you the truth seems to come back and bite me in the a**.

Maryam: So are you telling me that from now on you are going to lie to me?

Mr. Maryamb: No that's not what I am saying but I feel like it would be a lot better if I did then I wouldn't have to worry about you drilling me.

Maryam: I am sorry you feel like I am drilling you but I think a good defense is the best offense. The reason I am at a loss is because any other time you don't want to go anywhere and you go because you don't want to be rude and it just so happen to be to a lonely married woman that you find attractive and she just happens to be a neighbor and yet you don't mind being rude to the other nieghbor?

Mr.M: Well I think the two are different. A 4th of July party is not the same as a kid's b-day party. Did the little girl's daddy come to our house for our son's b-day party with his W?

Maryam: No he didn't because he wasn't at home.

Mr M: That can be arranged for your H too.

Maryam: You think I am crazy don't you?

Mr. M: Yes I do the way you think some times I think you are on another planet.

Maryam: Maybe you fell that way because you don't understand my POV or that it differs from yours but that doesn't mean I am crazy just that we think differently. Maybe the way I think and feel is my reality why does that bother you?

Mr M: It bothers me when your POV involves me and you are way off base.

Maryam: I maybe way off base but you tell me what am I suppose to think when you do something that is out of character for one neighbor who you find attractive and don't do the same for the other?

Mr M: See this is what I am talking about. You keep harping on that fact and you base your whole argument about that.

Maryam: Have you ever been cheated on?

Mr M: No I haven't?

Maryam: Well I have and I know how horrilbe it feels to have someone you love and trust with all your heart to go out and lay up with someone else. It is the worse feeling imaginable. That's why even though I as tempted to cheat on you I never did because I could not make you feel the way I did. I cried for a whole year. It's why I think the best defense is a good offense.

Mr M: Or you could be fighting a war that won't ever happen.

Maryam: You may think that. I however know how easily things can happen.

Mr M: Why do you say that?

Maryam: Do you know that most affairs start in the work place? Remember D? I will admit I was very insecure when she worked with you because I felt very unattractive at the time and I knew you thought she was attractive. So just picture this. She didn't have any kids. You have a house full of screaming kids wating at home for you. Whenever you see her she is not asking you to give kids baths or change diapers or any of the other things you hate doing around here. I on the other hand want you to help out. Everytime you see she is saying something to make you feel good. When I see you. I am telling you about my day with the kids. Then all of a sudden you realize that you can't wait to go to work because you are looking forward to seeing D again. Then one day you all end up talking while out to lunch and you tell her." I have to tell you I am crazy about you. I look forward to seeing you everyday."

D: I feel the same way. I just didn't tell you because I was afraid you didn't feel the same. The next thing you know you are over at her house knocking boots.

Mr. M: You see how much energy it took you to think up that scenario. That just means that you think about this kind of thing all the time. Whenever anyone has a problem it becomes our problem. That's why I hate you going to that MB board because it is not a happy place. Then you go and you read all the stories and you think I am going to do something like that to you and I have to pay for it.

Maryam: I know you may think I am crazy and insecure which I can be at time and I can admit that. We all are at times. However I don't act that way unless I feel threaten in some way. Like when I found your ex-GF picture hidden in a secret compartment in your wallet while I was pregnant with your baby and living with you. The same woman you were crying to me about when we first started dating. You never explained to me why you felt the need to hide it. That made me feel threaten. If you had come to me and said he baby I have this picutre of my ex and I am just letting you know so you won't think I am trying to hide anything from you. I would not have cared one bit. I mean you had other pictures of other girls who you dated in your wallet and I never said a word about them. However if you feel the need to hide something then that means you felt something was wrong about it. I mean I knew you guys were off again on again when we first started dating and then I find her picture hidden in your wallet how do you think that made me feel? It's because of the fact that you were dating her off and on but you ended up with me and yet you carry her picture around. DO you think that made me feel very secure.

Mr. M: You have to many issues.

Maryam: Maybe but how are you to determine. What about your issues. How do you know you don't have just as many as me?

Mr. M: I mean we all have some but I think you have more than others.

Maryam: Why because I am trying to let you know I feel threaten and because you don't feel like I have a good reason to be?

Mr M: What do I have to do to get you to stop feeling insecure about me?

Maryam: If you can answer the question about what made you choose me over her and how can I know that you won't do that with someone else that comes along?

Mr M: I don't know how to answer that question. I just know I ended up with you because you were more steady and there for me when I needed you and you took care of me.

Maryam: What if I am failing in some of the areas you need me to do better in now and someone comes along and are willing to do for you what I am not because you haven't told me because you don't want to be grilled? How will I know you will be here with me?

Mr. M: I don't know? Why are you holding on to stuff that happened ten years ago?

Maryam: Even though it happened 10 years ago it was never resolved for me. Are you tired of talking to me?

Mr M: I am. I am tired of all this round and round.

Maryam: Ok I will leave you alone.

Ok can anyone make heads or tails of this for me? My DH thinks I am crazy but I think my fears are well founded. I don't think he has ever cheated on me but I know he has issues with telling me the truth that may lead to some conflict so how can I let him know that if he can do that then I would not be so insecure.

This is too long for me to read, but I did get this far and had a question because I see this as a PATTERN:


Why did you ask him why he wouldn't go? Does he have to justify every decision? I can see how pushing him to justify himself and then challenging him about everything is a huge lovebuster. Why would you do that, DIG?

He either wants to go or doesn't want to go, there is no need to challenge him. That is disrespectful and I am sure discourages him from talking to you at all.

Does he ENJOY these frequent relationship discussions? Because that would drive my husband INSANE. What a downer! Does your H like that? It sure seems that you are constantly talking about your R. What is his reaction to that?

Oh, and HERE is the reaction. I am not surprised!

DIG, will you really leave him alone and respect his wish for an end to this as you stated? Rehashing 10 year old crap would drive most ppl INSANE, so I can understand why he is tired of this. This conversation that you described would send most folks screaming from the room. You are badgering him. In fact, I hope you sleep with your pistol loaded.

No Mel I do not keep bringing this up. I haven't in years. I brought up tonight because. When I mentioned the girl D to him and he started saying that me telling him to be careful around her was a slap in the face for him because he felt like I didn't trust him at all. That's when I told him after I thought about it for a while. While he had never done anything like that to me why would I not trust him. Then I thought about how I felt like I always thought he was hiding things from me like he did with her picture and it was because of that I have trouble trusting him.

Mimi to answer your question no I do not talk about our R all the time to my H. I only do it whenever I feel the need to get stuff off my chest. As far as me trying to get him to justify not wanting to go the party. I don't care that he doesn't want to go. It bothered me because he wanted to go over to B's house when she invited us over and he knows how I feel about her and her kids. Yet he doesn't want to go with me over to the other neighbors house I don't have a problem with. I think this was disrespectful to me and a huge LB.

Also yes I left him alone and how was me expressing a concern I felt to my H badgering him?

I felt threaten because he knew how I felt and he still wanted to go to their house. When he his for the most part a loner. Yet he made an exception for them. It makes me think he had reasons to want to go. Like he wanted to spend time with her. Can any one see this but me?

Follow through and leave the man alone, DIG. Just stop it. When you ask him if he wants to do something and he says NO, say, "thanks, babe."

Stop talking about your relationahip with him. He told you he doesn't like that. My H hates that.


Your H is not your counselor, DIG. You can see how much this annoys him when you grill and badger him with your feelings. The next time you need to get something off your chest, come talk to us or call your girlfriend, ok? But stop doing this to him.

Focus instead on meeting his needs, being pleasant and making his home a nice place to come home to. When you do that, he will want to be with you and will knock himself out trying to make you happy.

Have you read the book Lovebusters? Which Harley books have you read?

Yes Mel I have read love busters. However when I said I didn't want to go over to B's house after I had already told him how I feel and we still went and his reason was to show our faces so we won't be rude. How was us not going to someone's house whom I feel I have a reason to be threatened respectful to me? Are you saying if I do all the things you mentioned above that he will start respecting my feelings more? I know he didn't like me grilling him last night and I have apologized for that because I see my wrong and I know I was doing it because I know that he is the closet person to me and if anyone can hurt me more than anyone else it would be him.

Now Mel I know you are a BS so you should know why I have the fears I do. If you had told your H about how you felt about a certain female and she invited you all over for a gathering how would like your man to handle this?

Am I being foolish to want my H to respect how I feel about certain people. I know he may not have the same issues as I but if he knew being around someone made me unhappy and I didn't want to be around them and he still said we should go why should I not talk to him about this? Maybe it's not that I shouldn't talk to him about things that concern me but it my approach. How should I change the way I talk to him about things that bother me. Also if me not talking to him about things like this is O & H then what is?

DIG:

I'm not going to parse your conversation.

Your looking for support... But you will not find much around here if you keep having conversations with your H like this.

Why not?

Because you are challenging, challenging, dismissing and discounting everything he wants to say to you.

The last thing I ever want to do, is go to a 5 or 6 year old little girls B-D party.

Fireworks? I'm there, but little girls birthday parties (not your own children, however) are the last place you want to be as a Dad.

(I am generalizing here, some men around here would go and have a great time, and really want to be there, but for many others, they will run AWAY.)

And then you say its because the fireworks had a good looking single woman there and the B-D party is a married woman. Stop that. That is YOU projecting your assumptions onto him.

This one line from him, says it all:

"Mr.M: Well I think the two are different. A 4th of July party is not the same as a kid's b-day party. Did the little girl's daddy come to our house for our son's b-day party with his W?

And your response:

Maryam: No he didn't because he wasn't at home.

WELL? Your H then simply stated that if he could have avoided all this discussion and recrimination, he could have made sure he had something else to do that day as well.

See how easy you let the other Father off the hook, yet you pounded your H with it? And how many other fathers were at the fireworks compared to the B-D party?

Your discussion with him about the potential of an A on his part has merit. Not at this particular conversation, but at some other time, when you two might be discussing ways to establish boundaries and avoid affiars that way.

His response, repeated here:

"Mr. M: You see how much energy it took you to think up that scenario. That just means that you think about this kind of thing all the time. Whenever anyone has a problem it becomes our problem. That's why I hate you going to that MB board because it is not a happy place. Then you go and you read all the stories and you think I am going to do something like that to you and I have to pay for it."

DIG, you are starting to understand a little bit about what MB is all about. But you don't have it all together yet.

The scenario you laid out for him? Yes, that's the one that could get your H.

But you missed the most important part of MB. You realize that is a likely scenario, but MB teaches you how to avoid it, but not being the W who only does this:

"Whenever you see her she is not asking you to give kids baths or change diapers or any of the other things you hate doing around here. I on the other hand want you to help out. Everytime you see she is saying something to make you feel good. When I see you. I am telling you about my day with the kids."

Now, a MB wife? expects her H to help out with these tasks, and he does, but she also makes sure that his needs as a H are met. SF, Admiration, planning time away from the kids, to be adults, Being fun, spending 15 hours a week as H&W, not Mother and Father, being all the things that D at the office can be, but doing them at HOME, were his heart is.

And then, to bring up the Ex-GF in the wallet thing?

From ten years ago? You haven't resolved it yet?

I will ask you:

What will resolve it?

He choose you. And he described why. Accept that.
He had feelings for someone else long ago. You did too. You cried for a year about him. But obviously, you have resolved this issue with yourself, and you won't give your H the same consideration.
Your Husband on his hands and knees asking for your absolution from this most horrible troubling thing that he did 10 years ago?
A simple "sorry" from him, for having it in his wallet, and he did not realize the pain it might have caused you at the time?
Something else?

And DIG, finally, you said this to him:

"Maryam: What if I am failing in some of the areas you need me to do better in now and someone comes along and are willing to do for you what I am not because you haven't told me because you don't want to be grilled? How will I know you will be here with me?"

What if your are? Grilling him WILL NEVER get the answer. Earlier, he said that telling you the truth always comes around to biting him on the butt. He is getting bit. And until he can feel safe being honest with you, than he will never tell you the OPEN and HONEST truth.

So, if at this point, he had said to you, that you needed to do *this* to really make him happy.

What would you have done?

Gotten defensive and said: "I do THAT ALL THE TIME!"
Told him: "Well, you don't do *this* for me, so I won't to *that* for you until you DO!
"Well, you NEVER wanted that BEFORE!, It is something that Missy across the street DOES?"
No, you really don't want *THAT*, you really want *THIS*.....
"Sorry honey, thank you for letting me know that I was missing that for you, how would you like me to start meeting this need?" I never realized how I was missing it, I'm so glad you told me!"

Well?

What was your initial reaction?

That's what we work on changing around here.

OK?

Mel asked if you have read Lovebusters, I'm glad you did, reread it. I'm reading it this weekend.

Then get His Needs, Her Needs. And read that. Please.

Get the 15 hours a week.

Love ya, DIG. You keep coming back, and you seem to be getting it. You have a way to travel yet, but you can get there.

LG

Dig, "radical honesty" is not supposed to be an excuse to grill and badger your H. You asked your H a question and then challenged him when he answered. You then went after him about something that happened 10 yrs ago. You can see he doesn't like this yet you continue to do it. If you feel he doesn't show proper respect to you, the answer is not to lovebust him.

You don't have to talk to him about every fleeting feeling you have. He is not your girlfriend, he is your husband. If you want to talk about your feelings, call a gf, but stop engaging him in these relationship talks where he feels grilled and badgered.


DIG, you need to listen to the man and knock this off. You are harming your marriage.

DIG:

You got an invitation to the neighbors house to see fireworks.

The person who sent the invitation is attractive.

Your H wanted to go.

Therefore, your H was attracted to the invitee.

There was no other reason to go.

And later, when the B-D party came up, but it wasn't at B's house, you assumed he didn't want to go because B wasn't there.

There was no other reason to not go.

Circular logic.

It could just be because there where a lot more MEN at the fireworks, than at the B-D party.

It's as simple as that.

You H may go over and look at the eye candy. But that isn't why he went.

HE may have wanted to show YOU OFF to all the other men in the nieghborhood.

Think about that.

But assume no other motives.

OK?

LG

DIG, Mel and LG are on the mark here. When I read your discourse with your husband it was like “fingernails on the backboard”. It appeared to me that you were making love bank withdraws, one after another. The points you were making were of an obsessive behavior. Then all of a sudden you “BAMM”, you hit him with affair talk. How utterly discouraged he must have felt.

It was all about YOU at his expense. There may indeed be other issues within your marriage that need attention, but you were unable to surface anything in this thread.



But that is not what you asked of him. You mounted an attack on him simply because the party host was attractive. You second guessed his motives for attending the party with huge disrespectful judgments and then constructed an entire scenario to back your argument, pure fantasy. Nowhere did you mention that the party host was not deserving of your respect nor did you provide any such reasons that she may have done something to harm your marriage. It appears that you have an irrational paranoia with regard to your husband’s justifications and even when he told you that there was nothing to be concerned about, you just would not hear his reassurances.

Your question of respect is the same as asking, "At what age did you stop beating your wife?"

Your Taker was out in full force and you hurt your marriage with it. You titled this thread “trust issues” but title is really more for him then you, i.e. “how can he trust YOU to love him and not “take” from him”?



If your “concerns” are of an irrational paranoia then you need to be able to identify that. Husband and wife should be able to discuss mutual concerns with each other, that is a healthy practice but unfortunately it appears that this “concern” was invented in your mind.

For the record, I’m not attending a kid’s birthday party but I am attending an adult get together and I have never needed to explain that to anyone.

What could you have done different in this exchange?

Mr. G

How do you know if your spouse is "in love" with you? by Steven W. Harley, M.S.

If you were asked, "Is your spouse in-love with you?" what would you say. Or better yet, how would you find out?
Most people use two common techniques to determine whether or not their spouse is in-love with them:

1. Ask

The straight forward approach is typically what most people use.

"Do you love me?" one would ask the other.
"Why, of course I do, Honey."
or
"What do you think?" replies the spouse.

And, if there is sincerity in the delivery, the questioning would stop right there.

However, if there was something insincere about the answer, the following technique would be used:

2. Observe

Does the actions of your spouse support the idea that they are in-love with you? Are you treated with care? Are you treated in a "loving" manner? Does your spouse act like he/she is in-love with you? This approach to answering the question of being in-love or not tends to be the litmus test. Most of us judge a person's heart by their actions. Right or wrong, that's what we do. When the actions are in direct conflict with what the person says, suspicion typically follows.

Although the above techniques are used on a frequent basis, they are both wrought with the potential for error.


Ask Yourself
When I'm coaching my clients, I help them understand that there is a third, and more effective way to find out if your spouse is in-love with you. Ask yourself "Should _____ be in love with me?" In other words, are you giving your spouse a reason to be in-love with you?


Emotional Needs and Love Busters
In order to answer your own question, you must first know two things:

What are your spouseﾒs most important emotional needs and how does he/she like them to be met?
What are your Love Busters (from your spouse's perspective) and have you eliminated them?
Without knowing the answers to the above questions, you are guessing. And what's more, if you don't know the answers, you are probably tainting your guesses with how you like your own needs to be met (emotional needs) and what you believe is irritating (Love Busters).

Bottom line
You must be successful at developing and maintaining your skills to meet your spouse's needs and also, demonstrate an ability to protect him/her from yourself (your Love Busters). Because it boils down to this: If you're not successful at giving your spouse a reason to be in-love with you, then he/she won't be.

Food for thought...

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8506_fft.html

Yesterday was the 13th, Dig. Yesterday your H told you he did not want to go to the Birthday Party. He did not want to go. Period. It was YOU that linked what happened YESTERDAY up with the party on the 4th. A lot could have happened in his life between yesterday and the 4th. There could be a lot of factors why he didn't want to go..TWO SEPARATE OCCASIONS..TWO SEPARATE DAYS..TWO SEPARATE ISSUES..which YOU linked up together...it seems like you were holding the 4th situation to eventually throw up to him...you are not coming across as LOVING towards your H, Dig...ACCEPTING..we've talked about this last time..



Was he upset because you were not with him?



There you go..Just as I thought. He WAS HONEST with you. He sees the occasions as being different. So do I. My H certainly wouldn't have wanted to go to a little girl's B'day party...and especially your H after a long day at work...that seems to be insensitive to him, Dig...



Come on, Dig. There is nothing suspicious about this to me. He told you the truth. The man did not want to go to a child's birthday party but felt OK about doing a bit of mingling on the 4th.

You said:



This is your opinion. I don't consider it rude for him not to go that b'day party. It was not an ADULT EVENT.



He's exactly right. I see where he told you the truth and you twisted it. That is so unfortunate, Dig. He can't win for losing. You have got to learn to ACCEPT what he tells you..not try to make it into anything else but what he is SAYING to you. THAT IS HIS TRUTH even if you see it differently.



Good for Mr. Dig. Now he is being RADICALLY HONEST with you about what he feels is going on and I see his point, Dig.



Exactly..I see his point....



The poor man..LISTEN to what your H is telling you...



My God..be thankful about how HONEST he is being with you... Now IMMEDIATELY begin to work on FIXING this....Stop making your own ASSUMPTIONS about him and his motives..he seems like an honest guy who tells you the way it is..HE WANTED TO GO ON THE 4TH..HE DIDN'T WANT TO GO TO THE B'DAY PARTY..no underlying motives..ACCEPT this unless you have some reason not to IN REALITY..you do not have ANY REAL REASON to be suspicious of him and that woman..



How Sweet! He's telling you to TRUST HIM.



I was thinking this before I read it. Your H raises a good point. Maybe coming here is not a good thing for you if it causes you to be suspicious of him..thinking of scenarios..rather than enjoying and appreciating him in the PRESENT...

I'm really LIKING your H....GREAT GUY!!

You need to stop coming here if he does not want you to...if it makes him UNHAPPY...it's a LOVEBUSTER...



I know. I hate to say it, Dig, but he's right. That's RIDICULOUS. He chose you. You have 4 beautiful children together. He works everyday to provide for you so you can stay at home and take care of them and you are complaining about the past? You have so, so much to be THANKFUL about...



I think you have a WONDERFUL H who is HONEST with you..and you should LOVE HIM UP..Focus on GIVE, GIVE, GIVE with him..Do a MARITAL PLAN A...No lovebusting, no disrespectful judgments, meet his primary ENs, no angry outbursts...no badgering him to TALK...GOT IT???

Dig, It seems to me that you could really use some help in learning how to "love". Being married is a duty that is born from "love" and you are perhaps missing that. Don't let that ship sail without you. Mimi has it right,


Mr. G

Ok you guys. I think I got what you all are saying. Believe it or not. You are basically saying that I am using my fear to push my H away and by doing this I stand a good chance of making happen what I am very afraid of. It's not that I don't know how to love Mr. G. I am starting to realize more and more that I am more afraid of getting hurt than I thought I was which is causing me to act irrationally.

What I need to do is focus on meeting his EN and not LBing and if I knew I was doing a good job doing that then even if he found someone else to be attractive she would not be an issue.

I know I am a crazy making person. I know I drive him crazy yet he is still here. I told him last night thank you for putting up with me. When he acts irrational I think he is crazy. I can only imagine how he feels about me. I think if he let me know more often if I was doing a good job at meeting his EN than I would not worry about if I am doing a good job as much because I would know.

Why don't you print this thread up and show him, hon?

DIG,
I just finished reading "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I checked it out from my local library. It is a huge eye opener. The amount of disrespect I have heaved on my husband, it really does not surprise me that he shut down prior to his A's. I hope to change that by learning to openly and freely give again.

Do you remember when you would do for him just to see him happy? Do you remember what he did in return, how he treated you when you lavished him with love and attention? I cried listening to Dr. Laura read her book, she was talking about ME. Follow the Golden Rule, DIG==I'm almost positive it will do wonders for you.

Be happy your husband is TALKING to you, trying to reason with you. You do sound a bit MAD as a HATTER in that convo. H is telling you what his reasons are and you are blatantly telling him he is LYING to you. Huge disrespect.

I know, because I am guilty of this too. I have stopped it. Start giving.

Hey Mel and SL,

I have to say I know I was acting off of fear and it was the reason behind the whole fiasco last night. I told him I am sorry and I didn't give him the thread but I let him know what you guys said. I mean I maybe stubborn, hard headed and a bit crazy at times but even I can admit when I am wrong. I think he was happy that you all got me to see I was being irrational. I have to say beingg cheating on by someone is a feeling I would never want to experience again in life. I hurt so deep I wanted to just curl up an die just so my pain and suffering would end. The worst part was while I was crying my eyes out. I thought he was living it up with his other woman and didn't give me a second thought. I told my DH I know it's not his fault and i can't punish him for what someone else did to me but I need him to be patient with me. Because while I am learning I still obviously have a long way to go.

When I named the thread trust issues I wasn't talking about him I was talking about me. I have them. It is very hard to leave yourself so vurnerable to being hurt again like that. Although I know my DH is not my loser ex it is still a scary thing.

What makes it bad is I so easily put my trust in the wrong man and he threw it back in my face and the man that is deserving of my trust I am afraid to give it to because of the pain I recieved when I gave it to the wrong one. It something I struggle with but I am just down and not out.

You are just going to have to work on you, learn from the past, don't LIVE in the past. Someone else hurt you, put that squarely on them, and make reasonable boundaries, learn how to talk to your husband not AT your husband. No more punishing him.

I read that he asked you to attend the party with him, he wanted his wife by his side, and became annoyed with you when you were not by his side. Honestly, if I didn't have to attend children's b-day parties, I probably wouldn't, but my son loves it.

You've got to practice listening, waiting while you REALLY think, and then process a response. Don't jump at things he says, listen. He's saying he wants you, but you are driving him away.

Is he spending time with you, quality time? How's the sex life? How's everything else? Where can things improve, and what part can YOU play in improving them. Start there. It's refreshing to have a new starting point, and to try with all you've got to do it right.