I want to thank you in advance for reading this...
My wife and I are goint trhough a very rough time right now. She has asked me to move out, she is not happy, and i don't blame her, we got married on september 23 2006, and i think we got off with the wrong start, i have not been the husband that she wanted me to be, i've spent to much time with friends and on more than one occation did not come home due to the fact that i did have a ride, or did not want to drive drunk.Alcohol is out biggest problem right now she can' handle hers either. for the past two months we've been fighting over my friends, money, her friends, work. I'm not going to deceive you guys by saying that I'm a saint i have not, but recently she's become detached and doesn't want to spend time with me, I've realized what I've done is wrong and I've drafted an action plan to improve my life, with her in mind. she is the most important thing in my life and I'm so scared of loosing her. she wants to take some time apart and figure her self out, does this seem like a good idea? I don't want to leave her and i want to work things out, I'm giving her the space that she needs but i think she is not using constructively she didn't come home last night even though she called and said that she'll be home in an hour, i've done this too so i deserve this. she constantly lies to me about partyies (all girls party which turned out to be not), she has physical mentally abused me in front of friends and in private, (broke a wine glass on my forehead, hit me with a closed fist, etc.). Last saturday she told me that she was going to go out with her GF that was fighting with her BF and that they were going for a few drinks maybe dancing. I called to check on her night no answer to any of my messages or calls, i assume the worst before i realize she's probably at the bar so i decided at the end of the night near last call to go to the bar that they frequent, she is not there, so i go to the one accross the street same thing, so i give up thinking okay she's probably in another town as i'm driving home i see her car on the side of the road and i immediately knew where she was, so i walked up to this place where she might be and walked and its a full on party i mean beer pong and everything and she is hidding in the kitchen, when some of the people let her know i'm here. we go outside to talk and she is so drunk she can't even walk. anyways after looking at her hand and seeing that she took her ring of led me to believe that she was up to no good. anyways the reason of the story above is because she didn't come home again tonight. I look past at all of this things because i love her and i don't want our marriage to end. i've been working hard to fix my own problems by quitting the band i'm in, reducing alcohol comsumption, drafting a six months savings plan, etc. but she is not willing to cooperate, everytime that we begin to talk about things it usually ends up with her locking herself in the closet or threatening to leave or having me whacked (she's from jersey thinks is in the mob) even through our hardest fights i maintain a level head and an even tone of voice and express my feelings to her but she is immature about it.she is a great woman don't get me wrong she has done so many generous things to me that i will probably never be able to pay her back (immigration, support though unemployment), on the up side of things i do so much for her, I cook dinner every night, i do laundry, trash, etc. i leave her love notes in her purse, i even set the coffee maker to auto-brew so that she can have her coffee in the morning. i'm desperate for some advice about how to fix this. please help

Quit drinking and partying like you are single, both of you - you are not. I'm not talking about reducing alcohol consumption, I'm talking about stopping it altogether.

At least one of you needs to take the MARRIAGE seriously, you are both unwilling to surrender to the marriage, and you will not be successful until you realize that you are both subservient to the marriage.

Harsh? Probably, but do you want an answer, or would you rather I tell you it is all her fault for not getting all weepy because you make the coffee that she wakes up with a hangover to?

I can tell that you love her, but...do you love her enough to quit drinking? Your maturity is not exactly shining in your post...you are blaming her for partying and drinking, which is behavior you both brought to the marriage, which is how old now?

Thanks for the reply and you're right about that, we both brought our behavior to the marriage. i didn't think of it that way. and you're probably going to laugh cause we've been together 3 years and we're 2 months shy of our first anniversary.