My in-laws are looking for advice in how they can help my WH with seeing through the "fog". Any tips that I could pass along to them would be appreciated.

ask in-laws to look at this

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6806_inf.html

That's all the advice out there. I am getting a ration of crap from my MIL about my exposure letter to her. She doesn't understand my position and went into a long speach about how my kids and I will suffer if my WH loses his job. I told her that my marriage is more important than his job but she was still pissy.

For now know that MIL is confused and hurt. Let her know you love her and stop sharing info at this point. Check back with her later to see how she is doing.

Don't expect her to help. She is in shock.

L.

If? You and your kids are suffering NOW. Your family is under assault and you will do what it takes to defend it from his affair. Sorry she was not more supportive. Hopefully, she will say something to her son.

This is advice for you. I told my mother in law that I think that my husband hurt her more than he hurt me. That will get her thinking about the impact of his selfish behavior on her and her grandchildren instead of thinking about defending him. And besides, at least for me, it is true. Think about it: how would you feel if a son cheated on his wife? Personally, I think I would be more hurt if my son cheated on his wife. After all, I'm his mother. I helped to form his character. If he grows up and decides to cheat on his wife, what does that say about his view of women and his character of integrity and honesty?

My mother, on learning that not only had he cheated on me but also he had abused me, told me she would "cheerfully murder" him. However, she also said she felt bad for his mother. After a few years of trying to blame me for his affair, my MIL seems to have figured out that it's not my fault, but I can imagine that she is terribly hurt by his choices -- and she has wondered what she did to lead him to doing this. She's been trying to understand what he saw in their marriage that could have led him to cheat, and she told me that her husband had an emotional affair with a married woman. I told her it's not her fault, just like it's not my fault, and it's not OW's fault. He made the choice, and he's responsible.

Cherished

The letter that I sent my In-laws was not exposure because on D-Day I made him pick up the phone right then, and call his parents to tell them what he had done. The letter that I sent my in-laws was a request for them to get out of their neutral position and to stop saying stupid things that my WH is using to make what he is doing OK in his mind like:

(Actual Email from MIL) "I keep telling myself that something good will come of all this turmoil and I think the positive is that you will be more comfortable in your own skin and your life. That unhappy hunted look in your eyes that worried me for a few years will be gone. Yes, it is a good feeling to be in charge of your own life. Make your own decisions and plans. You are a sensitive, intelligent man who certainly figure things out for himself. I think this separation is a good thing and you are actually experiencing new growth and enjoyment."

and

(Actual email from FIL) "You're in a tough spot. Nothing is satisfying unless your hearts in it. I know. I lived that way for a long time. Wish I could help but I'm not a good example. Do what's good for you."

and

(Actual email from MIL) "However,your marriage should not be at the expense of all your joy and happiness. I don't want you to be lost in the effort. I don't want your life to wear you out so that your personality disappears in the struggle. Whatever you choose, whenever you choose it, I will support you and do whatever I can to help you. I am not going to say anymore, "You can't" or "You must". I know you will do the best thing."

My MIL called again and I told her about these things that her and my FIL are saying to my WH and that through his crazy thinking he is using their words to tell himself that it's OK to bail on his marriage and his family if that's what his heart is saying to do. She got it and said that she understood and that my position is the position that they have taken. I told her that based on the emails that I have seen, they may think that's what they're telling him but that's not what's he's hearing. They need to be clearer and firmer.

I'm not sure if you've seen this thread .... there are exposure ideas .... what to say, etc.

but generally, now is the time to Plan A as best you can

one thing ... you may need to visit your Doctor for RX if you still can't eat or sleep or think well enough to carry out a plan

*LINK HERE*

I don't know if anyone mentioned this to you yesterday

do NOT bring your WH to this site