or let him stay. We share the house, he sleeps in the camper outside. She has continued contact & now threatens suicide. He is acting funny again & turning everything back on me. She has a house & he could live with her. He has an opportunity to move to another job 3 hours away & probably won't go. We hardly touch & can't seem to talk without him being angry, then I get angry, etc. & blah blah blah.

I wish he would go to her & leave me alone. If he would take this job, I could plan B, but I bet he backs out.

Advice????

P.S. We did plan B for about a month, he moved his camper to a park near his work & didn't tell me where he was. She even spent the night there a couple of times. I didn't try to find him, didn't call him except about the kids & he didn't give me money for the bills during that time. I closed all joint stuff & re-opened new in my name only. One week after my girls give him a letter letting him know it was over (after I met someone I was interested in dating), he asks to come home only to tell me 3 days later it was a mistake. Tell me plan B should have lasted longer, right?????

Oh!! Another thing. When I ask him to leave, move out, go to her, he tells the kids that I'm kicking him out. He tells me "Well, if your gonna kick me out" & stuff like that. Why is asking him nicely to leave because he is causing too much hurt a bad thing??? Why does he want to make it look like I booted him out the door against his will when he has already said he doesn't want to be here??? Once about three weeks ago, I broke down & fell apart in front of him. That one time, he cried with me & I thought he really understood what he was doing to me. But since then he has acted the same as before. Is this the fog everyone talks about?

mine wouldn't leave either.
he slept on the couch for over 2 years, had affair after affair, wouldn't touch me, etc
AND WOULDN'T LEAVE!

why leave? he has the best of both worlds. he can be with his ow whenever he wants to and still see his kids every day and be "home", etc... why would he want to mess up that little deal?

if both of your names are on the house legally you can't MAKE him leave. and that is frustrating. what made mine leave is that i told him i was looking at apartments in the next town over and that if HE DIDN"T LEAVE I WAS AND I WAS TAKING THE KIDS WITH ME. that got him to thinking. he couldn't afford the mortgage and pay me child support and keep all of his toys. he finally decided it was easier for HIM to leave and go stay somewhere pretty much rent free and still get to keep his toys which are so very important to him.

don't make that threat of course unless you are prepared to leave. i was prepared to go if i had to.

he is living in the camper? that's real healthy for the kids to see. (you have kids right? can't remember).

i feel for you.
but that is why he stays.. because for HIM it is easier to just stay. leaving requires packing and actually moving. you could do what i did and pack his stuff for him. i would pack up all his stuff and put it in the camper. tell him to keep it in there since that is where he chooses to live. i packed up all my exes closet and put it in the living room closet since that is where he slept was in the living room. he was mad and i said well, since this is your bedroom this is where your clothes should be right?

then when he left i packed all his stuff and everytime i dropped the kids off to see him where he was staying i brought a box or 2 with me and gave it to him.

probably not much help, but this is what i went through.

mlhb

oh, and yes, they will try to make you look like the bad guy by saying you kicked them out. i'm sure that is what my ex told everyone. the marriage sucked and he slept on the couch but i am such a b*tch cuz i kicked him out. it is just to avoid placing blame on themselves. those around you know better. nice how they rewrite reality to fit their needs huh?

We have one daughter still living at home & she is 17 almost 18. I really was hoping he would take the job that is 3 hours away but he is claiming that it being DD Sr. year he will miss too much because of work. I figured that would give us both time to get past some of this mess, facilitate NC with OW & give him a chance to really miss me. I don't think one month of NC between us worked very well. Also this job is much more money & if he wants me, I will meet him there when the house is sold. Ergo, I can get away from the reminders. Most of his clothes are already in the camper from when he lived off. He hasn't brought them in yet. Another sign he doesn't want to work things out (yet?). Am I being whiny??? I just feel overwhelmed. And seeing him here every day just hurts. I don't have the financial resources to move until the house sells. Any suggestions??

Have you exposed the affair to family, friends, work, church, etc?

Yep, everyone knows except his family & that's because they don't speak. After that little argument he left to check the plant (he's on call). Then he texts me that he's at the shrimp place & do I want some. I tell him yea & he brings some home. Only thing is he ate before he left there. Probably with OW. He came home & a kid we know was here selling Cutco knives. Guess who his sales supervisor is: OW's son. We dance around that without naming names. Great evening, huh? Then we watch a movie together. He acted like he has for the last 8 or 9 months, like nothing was said earlier. Why does he bother being nice after being an a**?

Lost,

Your remark stating "we were in Plan B for 1 month" bothers me. Plan B is not something that the WS participates in. It is a one-sided plan for the BS to retain a portion of their love for the WS by not being subjected to an ongoing A AND a preparation for the BS to go on with their life IF the WS does not return to the M.

For my money a well run Plan B is the most powerful tool that a BS can use BUT only if it is done properly AND that the possible R which may ensue is done on careful delineation of BS's boundaries. Rarely would a Plan B last as little time as 1 month since the dynamics of the A preclude it proceeding at such a quick pace.

A blown Plan B=False recoveries=Unprepared BS

Best of luck

You're right! He moved & I refused to chase him, call him, answer his calls, etc. Only thing he heard from me was the letter telling him I accepted he wasn't coming home, I was going on with my life, have a good life, goodbye. I got a text message 1 week later -- Can we have lunch? We need to talk. I want to come home. I laid it all out on the line, financial and otherwise. He agreed to NC, that he loved me & that was why he wanted to come home. That he realized this was where he should be. I fell for it big time. I thought he was sincere. He did text her a few times the first 2 weeks then just let her text & leave voicemail but didn't return calls, at least from his personal phone. Now I can't get him to leave. He did de-fog long enough a couple weeks ago to really see how much I was hurting. Fog came back next day & is still here. I'm still in plan A but I don't know how much longer I can hold up.