Hello anyone... I've been married 7yrs and the last 3 have just been horrible marriage went bad and I had an affair... I have 3 children 6, 4, and a newborn and the newborn is athe result of the affair.. my H and I just found out in the beginning of june, we had a DNA test done. Well back in Feb my H was relocated for work from CA to OR so he has been living in OR every since, it's been about 6 months. Up until the baby was born he would travel back and forth to visit us at least every 3 to 4 weeks.. during that time of course things were extremely ruff but we continued to have a sexual relationship and I never knew were I stood but was trying so hard to make things right i took anything I could get...during the last year I have healed so much Got my life straight/right with god and made some major changes..... The plan was always for us, regardless of the results to move out to Oregon after the baby was born so that the kids could be near him so now the kids and I have moved to OR as well and it's been awful since the moment we got here.. as to be expected he his very angry and just acts like he hates me... and now the last year of me changing and repenting for myself and my family has been wiped away in his eyes and now he wants a divorce... 2 days after the result he decided thats it so...now my question is I know I have to let him go but does this mean I need to let go completely or is it still ok to have faith and hope for my family? or is this setting myself up for more heart ache... help... i feel so lost and alone..

Massiel,

Please email me offline. If you click on my name (FaithfulWifeCJ) you'll see my email address. I also live in Oregon, and even if I'm in North OR and you're in South OR, at least we are in the same state and you're not alone.

Okay??

Also, it's usually slow around here on the weekends, so you may only get one or two replies at first. Don't panic--come Monday it will pick up.

(((((Massiel)))))



--CJ

Welcome, M.
I’m not sure if you can get onto the Pregnancy/Other Child board, and it may be awkward to post there. If you can, though, read it. The stress a child by the Other Person brings to a marriage is very difficult. (Gosh, where is K when you need him? He raised OC twins! And was amazingly wise.) It’s possibly but usually only with very special people. I’m assuming the other man (OM) doesn’t know about the child and is not involved at all. Is that correct? It does seem to work better when the OP is out of the picture.

I think there’s a chance your husband will change his mind, but he’ll need some time. Even if he doesn’t, that doesn’t mean the last year was thrown away. Repenting of bad ways is never a waste. Doing what is right is never a waste. It’s just that sometimes we can’t see the fruit of our labor.

Have you read this site? It has some wonderful practical advice. There is hope.

There may be some people on Gen Questions II with some experience with this.