My wife has started to "poison the well", speaking ill of me to the kids. Not cool.
Your thoughts?
Please and thank you again.

My Story:
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3275828

Its evil.

Behave as an impeccable dad to your kids, and communicate honestly with them and your WWs tactic will backfire.

When Squid was crazy, badmouthing in her A, my kids thought she was crazy and told me so. My kids were 11 and 6 at the time.

All I had to do was be the Dad they deserved and it countered her poison.

How old are your children? How did you find out about the negative input? Do you have an attorney?

If this is persistant behavior, it is referred to as parental alienation. Here is a link to a Parental Alienation website where you can read up on it.

Bob:

Keep the notebook.

It documnets all the things your WW was doing instead of being a "good Mother"

And since you have decided to get off her WW entitlement bus, she needs to drag you back in, and one way to do it is to put the kids in the middle.

Please, do not take the bait. Please consult with your Lawyer and go for full custody, with supervised visits for her. She HAS NOT had the best interests of the children for over two years now, and she has no problem with her actions. Makes her look bad, and she is terrified of that, but, "Oh Well" that is the path she took.

Only trust her actions, her words are nothing.

LG

So, I confronted her on the "Poisoning of the Well". It went like this:

Me: I'd like to talk with you about the kids.
Her: Let me finish up what I'm doing.

A few moments later...

Me: We had agreed that we would split 50/50 the placement, custody etc. of the kids.
Her: Yes we did.

Me: The kids have said that you told them that they would spend most of the time with you. They also said that you told them I don't like your family, that I'm mean to you, that I yell at you, etc.
The courts call this "Interference".
If you, your friends, your family, whomever continue this behavior, I will take this to the courts.

Then the Alien Speak...

Her: You know, I can twist what they say about you, around to, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah...
I didn't think you would really get your own place, blah, blah, blah, blah...

Me: Anyways, I have a lawn to finish mowing.

And I walked away...

lousygolfer,
My dumb a**ss destroyed my notebook and all copies as a gesture of reconcilliation.

I'm worried about my kids. They are now the ones getting f**cked over in this nitemare.
Just spent about an hour listening to them, hearing their concerns. They are so in the dark about what their mom has done. They really don't like the chaos that is living next door to us (wife's sisters family very dysfunctional as I've mentioned in these posts).
Their mom, my wife, seems to be so deluded. I kinda am getting most always just repulsed by her. She's just such a f**ck up.
Kids lock the door to keep SIL family, especially niece out of the house. They take our food, act and come and go as it's their house. Kids are concerned with those boundaries. Wife berates them for locking the door.
1 week. Freedom. Kids and I. Kid mentioned me locking mom out (Jul-Aug'06). Said mom said that I thought she was at a party and that's why I locked her out. So unfair to kid (Mom was out f**cking/around with dude).
I've not said a bad word about her to kids. Wife seems to be saying to kids that divorce will make everyone "happier". I'm starting to wonder if she's just nuts.
Kids saying that they have issue with SIL boyfriend and his, girlfriends, drinking, lack of responsibility etc. Same things that their mom has been doing. It feels so crushing, that they are also describing their mom's behaviors.
This just f**cking sux !!!
Please, thoughts?

Thank all of you for your posts. You've been tremendously helpful !!!
I'm starting to feel really disgusted now as I realize more and more how awfully this woman (my wife) has treated me. And our children.
All the deceit, all the lies, all the omission, the attitude, the disrespect, disdain, contempt, lack of empathy etc. It's really starting to gross me the f**ck out.
I'm starting to understand what you mean by her still "Wayward Wife" mentality. Her addiction.
I think I'm understanding that if it's not an affair, it's alcohol, or drugs, whatever. Or all.
We had passion twice since this mess. Both times after I performed at a club, she was drunk, it was secretive. Kinda like an affair. I've been f**cking played.
I want to puke. This f**cking sux.
Thanks again.

I'm having a day here. This is a rant/pity party/ambivalence. You are forewarned. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
Talked to a mutual friend of WS and I about my sitch. I kinda get bothered when I feel that people don't seem to sense the gravity of what has happened. I feel that they make excuses when they say things like "You were growing apart", "You will be better apart", etc. Those things don't make me feel good.
It feels like that they don't hold the WS accountable for what has happened. I kinda would think a friend would take a 2x4 upside a WS's head. Maybe not.
Ambivalence
And after reading so much and so much counseling such statements kinda sound deluded, as not to "condemn" someone, to let bygones be bygones.
This sounds very non-solutions oriented, very unMB, etc.
That attitude seems to me, I feel, to be "unhealthy". It really bothers me.
This has been the most unbelievably terrible thing I've ever lived thru. To have it trivialized like that, in my opinion, seems to be just as foggy as the WS fog.
But, sometimes it makes since. But I feel it only makes sense if you negate things like, nobility, love, faithfulness, accountability, responsibility, honor, integrity, and so on and so on. All the things we're to aspire too.
Why can't I just except that attitude? To be, what I understand to be, in a "Fog".

------------

Talked to the counselor today. I really needed that. It's the roller coaster thing. I guess I just feel very violated after this betrayal, D and so many years with this woman.
Am I wrong to feel that? Am I the one that has been the f**ckup thru out this?
When I DB, MB etc. I don't feel like the f**ckup. But hearing from the "world" sometimes, or my wife, I do. Maybe it's the mind games that they play?
My WS nonchalant attitude just f**cking kills me.
I'm feeling pretty [censored] about this right now. Just a dip in the old roller coaster.
Sometimes I feel like I'm doing the right things, and sometime I don't. (But mostly I do <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ).
Tomorrow will be another day.
Thoughts?
Thanks guys and gals.

Your task is a healthy mind and body. As a real parent instead of a cardboard cutout, you must be the role model and the reliable one for your kids. Forget your WW, she is now an alien from the planet of the retards. She isn't the same person you made kids with.

Her job is to make you look bad so she can live with her own fall from grace. Don't go there. You gotta stand on your own hind legs and get your own head on straight or your kids will have zero parents instead of one.

Larry

Thank you Larry.
I really needed that kick in the pants. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
That was a funny post to, "she is now an alien from the planet of the retards).

Bump. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />