I don't know if this is a valid worry or not. But I'm worried about FWH taking ADs. I feel that his taking AD is making him kind of non-genuine in a way. He is doing most of the things I like, but it feels a little bit fake because he is on medication. And I read a research saying that ADs make people hard to fall in love. Now we are making every effort to rebuild our M and we have great feelings toward each other and I feel that H taking AD might make him too numb emotionally to have genuine feelings toward me.
H started taking AD 4 months ago and since then we have been doing better and better, mostly because the medication seems to make him pull out of his withdrawal finally. Before the medication, he had been miserable, even relapsed to trying to call the OW during his very low moment in March. Dday was July 06 and NC since October 06. He was very sad and distant until he started AD in april this year and now I'm a little worried since this change seems sudden and seems to be directly related to the AD he is taking. Can anybody share their own experienc with WS taking AD and what's the effect on them? What happened after they are off the AD and for how long they stay on the med?
Any input is greatly appreciated.

LovingAlong

Withdrawal (from the affair) can take quite awhile in and of itself. My FWH also got on AD when he came home. He said he felt numb and foggy (was that the AD or the withdrawal?) and blamed it on the AD. He said he couldn't think clearly and was sleepy all the time. He only took them about a month and a half because he couldn't stand the side effects (especially the sexual ones). Once he got off of them though, his head cleared and the pace of our recovery moved a little quicker. I guess all-in-all this took about six months.

I am a FWW who took ADs... I needed them.

I was a crabby, sad, and generally horrible human being. I had a difficult time withdrawing from OM eventhough I wanted nothing to do with him.

Once I went on ADs, I felt "normal." I could concentrate. I could sleep. I didn't fly off the handle anymore. I didn't need to think about OM in order to "feel". Adjusting to the medicine for the first couple of weeks was a little difficult (I was light-headed and dizzy) but after that, I felt... normal.

Your H's moods are now stabilized and that's why he appears non-genuine to you. If he was off the wall most of the time and now he's not, it's because he's finally normal. The medicine is making him feel like a real, genuine human being again.

I was on my meds for one year but could have gotten off of them sooner. They were a godsend... they helped me get through a very sick part of my life.

Today, I am very happily married and madly in love with my H.

Don't worry... what is happening right now with your H is a GOOD thing. He is being very genuine, and it's because your love and support (in addition to the medicine) is making him well again.

Hang in there, LA... this is all positive stuff, even if doesn't feel like it!

KM

Not true. They do not make you "drugged up" or loopy, or non-geniune. they help you calm down, relax, and not panic!


what do his actions suggest? that he is making every effort to rebuild? that he has great feelings toward you? Look at his actions - and quit worrying that he is "too drugged up to feel"

In my own experience, I did not different while on the AD's, and I was on a low dose so I did not have any of the dreaded side effects. Anyone who is having negative side effects should CALL THEIR DR! The AD's are supposed to help you - not hurt you.
I was not sleepy, or loopy, or incapable of feeling. I still hurt. I still cried. But it was not the all-consuming-sobbing-for hours type of thing. I was able to think more clearly, because I was not looking at my life through the cloud of depression. I was able to see that I was going through a really bad time, and I knew it would not last forever. I stayed on them for a little over a year, and I have no regrets

As a friend said - "AD's do not take away the pain. They just cut the pointed tips off the nails so you can tolerate it"

Your H is at leasst trying to do things to help himself cope. Taking an AD is a far better coping tool then having an A. My WxH has multiple A's because he was depressed but refused to get help. He thought that an AD was a mind altering drug. What an idiot.

If he were diabetic, and needed insulin, wouldn't you encourage him take it? If he didn't take it, and his health continued to go down hill, wouldn't you be furious? To know there was medication that could help him but he refused?

I wish my XH had started taking ADs while there was a marriage to save. Separating forced him to address his own depression - he'd become a rather miserable human being and had dragged the rest of us down with him.

Once he got treatment he started behaving like the man I married again. Unfortunately I think we were both past the point of no return then.

He's on ADs likely for the rest of his life, but they have been a blessing. We get along now - I'd like to reconcile but I'm losing hope that this will happen, but for his sake, and for the sake of our kids and the friendship that remains, I'm glad he finally sought help for his depression.

ADs can be a lifesaver.

JinGA

Thank you so much everybody for your replies.
Now I feel much better.
The side effects of H's ADs include weight gain and lack of energy in general. It doesn't seem to have any sexual side effects, which is good.
From H's actions, I can feel he is genuinly trying to rebuild. He is open and honest and he takes care of kids and me very carefully. We talk more and more on different things, on our past great memories and we feel closer each day.
We still can't talk much about his A. This is mainly due to our lack of communication skills, espeically when the topic brings up negative feelings. We have never been good at communicating our negative feelings constructively, so both of us have a long way to grow in this department.
But I do see his actions as more important than words. He has been doing so much with kids and at home and I can almost feel his desire to make amends, but he just can't talk. When we talk about other things, his voice is so much softer and it sometimes melt my heart.
I can feel he is remorseful through his actions, but again he won't talk about it. And I can't bring it up. This is leaving me feeling sad occasionally. But I try to read more here and try to convince myself that the time will come that he will open up his heart to me. And for now, I'm concentrating on love and support him in this difficult time and also try to just be myself and take care of myself emotionally. I had been a very controlling person before and I'm working on not wanting to control everything and just let life be and enjoy the process as best as I can.
Thanks again everybody. Have a great day.
LA.

LA,

My only thought was maybe he could cut the dose in half or something. If there is the weight gain and lack of energy maybe the dose is a little to much.

Couldn't hurt.

kirk