i hope this worked

To start I'll give a little back ground. my W & I have just been existing in the same house now with our 3 kids. We have not been communicating well for years. Since we moved to Arizona in late 2005 in the summer my W & kids go back to Michigan to visit our families after school gets out the kids go to day camp & the W spends aday or two with my mother & the the rest of the time with her parents @ their cabin & I meet up with them for July fourth week. Well this year sucked. The night i arrived was the worst night of my life. We had both gone out with friends we see every year and had been drinking. She then told me she can't go on like this any more, that she still loves me and that i'll always be her friend (the kind of talk you get when things are over. my opinion). She said she had talked to a friend of ours about us and that friend told her she has to give it all shes got to try to make it work. this part was very hard for me to get a hold of in my head it hurt me deeply that she went to him/someone else to get emotional support. I liked his advice after i thought about it but it still hurt me. She has been in contact with him almost every day hes been trying to get us a lease for a car on his plan. It does not upset me that she talks to him it makes me wonder why she's not telling me he called or emailed. example today i printed out some lit from her to try to get her to open up. i looked @ it later when cleaning up & it had emails about contacts in AZ about the car. whjy woulden't she tell me or let me know she had talked to him. Now i have lost trust & I am now occasionaly checking her cell phone to see if she's talked to him. And she has. I don't like how this makes me feel. i just don'tknow why she's not letting me know.

here's my real problem with every thing that has gone on D-day was over three weeks ago. after my W & kids left I had done some real soul searching with lot's of tears and my dog wondering waht was wrong with me. i had become complacent about being a good husband & father. I had turned over my new leaf to be better @ communicating my needs & what I need to give to my W & my kids. Since that day i have been searching & looking for help I think i found some here. But my wife has put no effort into trying to take the next step. This is what hurts me the most. She laid the cards on the table with no plan & so far no interest in seaking out MC she called once (she has INS coverage through work)they called back & after a blow up last night with me packing a bag with threats of leaving did she say please stay i'll call them back. i have put my emotions out there for her and I'm not getting any thing from Her. HOW DO I BREAKDOWN THE WALL I HELPED BUILD SO SHE WILL LET ME INTO HER HEART AND I CAN FILL HER EMOTIONAL BANK AGAIN. She say's she lost something along the way and I've tried to talk to her about what it is she needs and she say's shes not sure.

help!!!!!

I'm lost @ what to do

signed
emotional wreck
I know too long

edit we did both come home two weeks ago and no effort on her part to correct communicate etc...

Welcome to MB. It is a good place to be considerin the circumstances.

Please read up on Love Bank, Love Busters, and read the books HNHN, SAA, and Love Must be Tough. This will give you a good start on the concepts practiced here. The key is to make a better you by learning to meet your W EN and be the kind of spouse anyone would want to be with.

I would ask the W to take over the car search, so you take the reason away for her to talk to him. If she gets angry, that could be a bad sign. Watch her actions and not her words.

Start snooping more. Install a keylogger to read her email, IM, etc. in order to ensure that there is no A ongoing with the F.

Best of luck.