I don't know where to start. Three years ago WS had an affair while working in another country. I found out about it and long story short we went to some counsling but counsler thought it was only because husband worked half way around the world and thought it he wouldn't get caught. Fast forward a year ago WH quit job and got dream job. He would be home more than last job and our life would be great. In March of this year he got very distant. I push him away to. I wasn't very supportive about the job change because I felt nothing had been settled in job securtiy. He left for three weeks in May and began an affair with someone in NY. We live in Louisiana. He claims he meet her the last week he was there. He went back in June. Father's Day weekend how wonderful. He claims she knew he was married and that was okay with her. When he came back on Father's Day night he told me he was thinking about leaving to figure out his head. He felt like his brains were scambled. I quess guilt will do that. We went on vacation Fourth of July week and I found out on July 8th about the affair. He called her in front of me and told her it was over. He moved out to get his thoughts together. He has been gone a little over a week. We have talked and had one counsling session. He is out of town again. He is in OK for about a week. He says he will probably come home but doesn't know when. I have tried intiating Plan A. I am not sure if I am doing this correctly. While he was still in our town I went over to where he staying and had sex twice with him. We went to dinner, he has come over to our home and dinner a couple of times. Do you think I am doing the correct thing or should I make him miss me. But the truth is that I was not a very loving wife. I would withhold my love to test him. Now I just want to prove to him I love him. I feel like a crazy person. Please help. Our children are so sad by all of this. Our two girls ages 13yrs.& 10yrs. and our son is 18yrs we have been married 21yrs. I can't give up.

luluee, you're a bigger person than me for wanting him back after a second time. But, that's just me.

I think he is need of some serious IC.

If you really do want this to work, try and get him to move back home and Plan A him. Make the house warm and inviting. Work on yourself. Don't lovebust. Making him miss you doesn't come until Plan B. Don't do that just yet. Instead, for awhile at least, show him what a good wife you can be. But DON'T be a doormat. There's a fine line. It's kinda hard to do, but you can do it.

And, take care of those kids. They need you know.