Okay, quick review, I haven't posted in over a year.

Married 12 yrs now.
2 sons, 11 and 9.
WH (each of these has happened while away at a military school):
2 drunken ONS (5 years apart and the last one was over 2 years ago)
1 PA (that was 2 weeks and ended 2 years ago - absolutely NC - positive about that)

Went through intensive MC and IC. Worked hard to get where we are. WH is in th army and just got back from Iraq in March. Leaving on Saturday for 3 weeks at a school at Ft Bragg, NC.

I have been having major insecuriteis about him going to a school, as it is the first since working things out.

Last week he was getting an email on a military account from our bank (or so we thought, it was a scam). Anyways, I checked the account to make sure he hadn't gotten anymore (the first time I've checked that account in over a year). There was an email from a female that said she added him to her military IM. I marked it as unread, didn't tell him I saw it. He checked the account the next day and deleted it. I felt like he was trying to hide something from me. I asked him about it and he said he didn't know who that was and was even going to ask me about his old yearbooks from when he was a drill sergeant to see if she was one of his privates but decided that he was just going to ignore it. I actually believed that. He seemed sincere. He saw how upset I was. It just brought back ALL my fears and emotions that I have worked hard to control.

Okay, now to the part where I need help. I am still worrying about him going to school, that's what brought me back to this website to read some posts and get some insight to know that this feeling is normal. I know my fears are normal. What I hate is that I keep digging and checking....I was doing so good for so long, but last week brought back everything!

So, of course I start checking stuff again. I logged into his yahoo IM and what do I find but a message saying that this person added him to her IM. How coincidental is it that the yahoo id happens to be the same first name as the one for the military one and the last initial in the id is the same as the last name on the other.

Could it me that easy as she looked him up and found a yahoo id for him? She said in her message on the military account that she didn't use that one very often. I am shaking right now thinking how incredibly gulliable I am and how stupid I am! I have absolutely no faith that he is telling me the truth.

I could REALLY USE some opinions.

Thanks!

Notsure:

Bingo.

He deleted the email in the military account because he had replied and advised her of the Yahoo ID.

Three weeks of R&R at Fort Bragg, Huh?

I see another "drunken ONS" happening. Only it was planned with Miss Yahoo/mil ID above.

You can continue to monitor and look for additional info that will reveal WHO this person is and where they are at so that you can start the process of exposure up the chain of command.

Just for the record, your WH has a long road to travel before he is able to be trusted.

LG

U need closure.

Have you both read HNHN? Have you both taken the EN questionnaire?

What is your H willing t/d to help you heal? Until he does, you will keep being suspicious and that's exhausting.

L.

How are you doing?

L.

Hi Notsure,

If your H just got back from Iraq in March, and his last ONS was two years ago, that would suggest that you guys only had about a year or less to work through his last ONS before he deployed to Iraq.

Can you discuss this with your H w/o any anger or accusations? Try to present what you've found to him in a non-threatening way and let him know that his actions are hurting you. If you blast him with accusations and blow up on him, he will most likely become defensive. Your goal here is to let him know that his actions are hurting you. You might want to suggest that you both start seeing the MC when he returns from his school and then leave it at that.

I suspect that you both need to keep working on rebuilding your M as one year and then another long deployment is a very short time to work through all of the issues. I'm not saying that it can't be done, it's just that I know how long it took for Mrs. RIF and I to rebuild when we had a deployment thrown into the mix.

All the best to you and your H...

Semper Fi,
RIF

Good point RIF. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

The title of this thread was Need HELP - ASAP!! R we 2 late?