I feel quite lost and too inexperienced to know what to do next.

In a nutshell:

- I'm 27, she 32
- married ~ 2 years
- lived for 5 years
- no kids
- wife wants to move to a City B
- wants me to move w/ her now
- found out she's had a couple of EA with people in City B
- some are innocent, chatting, some seem a lot more intense
- she's lied to me about them
- she's gone to City B without me several times. My trust is shaken, I feel so incredibly betrayed.
- For me to move, I will have to give up my career and start over
- She has a business her, so she can come back and pick up about where she left off.
- She's willing to go with or without me. Losing the marriage won't stop her.
- We started out so well, a perfect, enviable couple
- It's come to this.

Any decision I made is clouded by emotions. So I'm hoping I can get some objective advice here.

Her reasons for going:

- she's bored living in City A for her whole life
- she feels like she hasn't accomplished anything in compared to her peers (they are all medical professionals)
- she wants a change in her life
- she really doesn't know what she wants, she just wants to go
- We are separated now.
- she's gone to City B several times without me, scoping out new homes and new places to live.
- I have suspected PA, but I think that is more paranoia than anything at this point.
- We still talk everyday.

I think our LB withdrawls really started about 2.5 years ago. She felt that I always sided with my family over her opinions. I now realize that I haven't fulfilled her ENs for a while. I think I try to get her to fulfill mine, without much consideration for hers.

Now I'm in withdrawal as well. So my leaning towards divorce is affected by emotions. I really don't want to live life without her either.

- A friend of mine said let her go try out LA see if she likes it.
- I'm SCARED that I'll lose her then
- I'm emotionally empty in the LB as well
- I don't TRUST her with reason so that causes a lot of paranoia and ultimately stress and pain. I really want it to end
- Her doing this causes me so much unhappiness, so I constantly think she doesn't care or respect me at all.

- I think that in her mind, going to City B, making herself happy and giving up the marriage is justified. She's already unhappy, why spend the rest of her life like that. Just start over.

I can understand that too and would love to build back up our LB. I'm bopping back and forth. Help!

MIH,

For your W (WW) to be giving it all up JUST to move to another city is very unrealistic.

Does it seem like an alien being has beamed down from the mothership and taken over your W's body?

To be going to this extreme would lead any normal MBr to realize there is a hot and heavy PA going on. This is blatent FOG THINKING AND FOG BABBLE.

I suggest thinking the worst!

How much snooping have you done? Emails? Cell phone bills?

You are separated now?? If so that's not good!!

Are we talking cross country moving to city B, or cross state?

As for your thread question I would go with the "falling off the cliff" scenario I'm afraid.

IMHO

kirk

We're talking cross country move from city A to City B. Yes we're separated now. She asked for it not me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I agree, falling off the cliff. I would NEVER move when my marriage is in trouble. Keep your job and stay where you are. If she is willing to end the marriage because you won't move, she would end it anyway, sooner or later.

It sounds like she is trying to fix things by moving. That never works.

I agree. Even if it wasn't cross country. She is moving closer to CONTACT with the EA's. No way I would go for it. Let her go and Plan B her until your are ready for Plan F-U.

MIH,

Wondered how you were and looked up your latest post in the just found out room.

My sincere condolences on the discovery and the divorce.

You found out sooner rather than later, though, so good for you and very good luck in your new life!!

Stay strong and stand up straight!! YOU ARE THE MAN!!

Things look very beautifull from the HIGH ROAD!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

kirk