**I posted in emotional needs and it was suggested I also post here.

I finally got my wife to complete an emotional needs questionnaire. In "need for affection", she wrote she needs/wants more affection to be satisfied in her marriage. She wrote on the bottom, but she does not currently want any affection from me. How do I meet that important need if she doesn't actually want it at the moment.
Is it because her EA was only discovered 6 weeks ago and she is still "in the fog". She also told me she thinks about calling him everyday, but hasn't. Is this also because she is still in the fog.
On another point, when we seem to be making progress, she comes out with comments like, "This may not work out you know". I don't know how to react to that.
With the sex and intimacy, she turns her face every time I go to kiss her. She said she has felt like this for years. She doesn't know how to overcome this.
We have been seeing a MC for 4 weeks. I am fairly confident there has been NC. Currently in plan A but is it too early to start this yet?

Ray, it seems your W is still in intense withdrawal from the OM (and still in a fog) and if that’s the case her behavior at this stage is typical. While she is still in intense withdrawal, efforts of you to try and please her and fill her EN’s will be disappointing. Dr Harley usually advices spouses to just avoid each other until the withdrawal stage passes because all the effort to be kind and thoughtful is easily wasted until the WS starts feeling better. It's the stage of recovery after withdrawal that gives spouses the best opportunity to learn to meet each other's most important emotional needs and overcome Love Buster and spouses should save their most tolerant mood for that stage, where they could both be receptive to each other's care. Please read the withdrawal guide in my signature line for more information and quotes from Dr Harley on withdrawal (just click on the link).

Ray, you should only meet the EN’s your W allows you to meet at this stage. You've said affection is one of your W’s most important EN’s but that she doesn’t want you to be affectionate towards her at this stage. Therefore I suggest the following:

Try to be affectionate towards her in a way that is not needy or clingy and does not OBLIGATE her to a response. For example, if you are walking in the store, put your hand on her back and rub her back, squeeze her arm, pat her on the back, lean over and kiss her hair. Very subtle things without being pushy. Focus on doing it subtly so you aren't repelling her. (What I posted just now was suggested by a veteran poster - MelodyLane – to another BS whose WW was also in a view weeks withdrawal but then it turned out this WW was still in contact with the OM.)

Anyway, although your W don’t want affection like hugs, kisses etc. from you at this stage, I think you will be safe in trying to provide in this need of hers by doing the things I've suggested above.

Lastly, you said you’re fairly confident there has been NC. I think this might not necessarily be the case because her behavior indicates that she might still be in contact with the OM since she is not warming up towards you (especially after 6 weeks). Therefore, I advice you to still watch her closely and snoop around to make sure she’s really not in any type of contact with the OM. Check the phone records, e-mail etc. Did your W send OM a NC letter and did you read it and sign it together before it was send?