Kayla,

I am sitting her Still laughing!! That was TOO funny!

I see your point, though. I don't know, but I feel so good right now, and don't really care to give Drac much thought at all, I guess I am fooling myself into believing that IF he did try to break the darkness, I could/would just ignore him.

I really do NOT care what he has to say unless it is words of recovery and I know he is So very far away from that right now it is hard to imagine even hearing from him at all

I mean, really. He has worked to hard to get me out of his life, he is going to be really flying high in his own world for quite some time to come

I hope you don't get offended if it sounds like I'm being nitpicky with you.

I'm passing down to you the mindset that MM gave me.

This is a WAR and should be taken as a series of BATTLES to FIGHT for your marriage.

The WAR involves strategizing against the ENEMY.

It may seem to you that the telephone conversation last night does not matter.

But it does.

You are already thinking about ( I think) how HE is responding to PLAN B.

PLAN B means that HE DOES NOT EXIST FOR YOU.

Any contact that YOU have with HIM..breaks PLAN B..well not a BIG BREAK...but I think you know what I mean..

I understand that it is hard with young children..but work on FIXING THIS....making sure that you are totally unavailable when she talks to him...

I don't like the E-Mailing between you two either..EMAIL should go to an intermediary...

Even if only unconsciously when YOU start to miss him you MAY start to count on the calls to BUGS to get a TASTE of HIM...you may looking for some underlying message in the E-Mails...

I GUARANTEE YOU that HE will try to get a FIX of YOU..maybe not within the next FEW DAYS but it WILL HAPPEN...

Mimi,

I certainly do not feel you are nit picking! The reason I am here is to get the advise of those who have gone before so I appreciate everything you have to share!

To clarify, I am not thinking he is responding to Plan B. Not at all. If anything, as I said before, he is enjoying it. For him, he is getting the total freedom he has longed for.

I understand your points about any breaks. I am not trying to 'excuse' but explain the break as 'acceptable' only because it involved a Health issue for DD. If the roles were reversed, I expect to have some communication from him to let Me know what was going on.

I intend to continue to coach and teach DD on the situation. Due to her age it will take an adjustment period. I did have a talk with DSS yesterday about it as well. Of course I was more open with him as to the what and the why I am making these changes. My biggest focus was to make sure he understands how very important HE is to me and that NONE of this has anything to do with him. That will be an ongoing project of reassurance with him. I explained to the sitter that Drac will be picking up DSS from HER house unless it is a night he will be staying with me. She understands, although it will be a challenge for her because of Drac's selfish scheduling habits. But, that is his problem.

So, I GET the message, I really do and I appreciate it!

((((Bugsy))))




This is EXACTLY what I'm DISCOURAGING you from doing. I want you to start PRACTICING..NOT THINKING ABOUT HIM AT ALL..try to wipe any thought of HIM out of your mind...because you really do not know what he is thinking and doing..read over MY GIFT TO YOU or even THOUGHTS OF FBWes threads..Sorry, I don't know where to find them..ALL THE ASSUMPTIONS THAT I WAS MAKING ABOUT MY H were WRONG...

When my mind would drift towards thinking about my husband, I would literally SHAKE MY HEAD...shaking that man out of my head..get the picture?.."He's DEAD to me"..I know.. so very, very hard, almost impossible to do...

Mimi,

I will find those threads for sure.

I see what you are saying now. I think, for me, I was looking at part of the 'letting go' process was to acknowledge it as giving him his freedom.

So, now it is putting up the brick all. 'Shaking him out of my head' when he pops in there!

So, in that vein, let's all do the happy Dance --Bugs load is Totally Approved for her to buy a house! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />:).

Gotta get off here and get to negotiating! IF I get this particular house, DD is going to FLIP- it has a pool!

Thanks again Mimi

Bugs:

You state that you "did have an email sent" to Drac about DD inhaler issues.

Was that sent by you directly to Drac, or by you to your intermediary to drac, and then back to you from the intermediary?

Cause that is how it is supposed to work.

Overhearing Drac talking to Daughter is easy to avoid in the future. However, email exchanges are more difficult.

If he can get you on that, on the first day of darkness, he knows that you are not that far away, and easy to break.

And about this:

"I am not thinking he is responding to Plan B. Not at all. If anything, as I said before, he is enjoying it. For him, he is getting the total freedom he has longed for."

Yes, he might be, but, you are thinking about it. Tough habit and behavior to break.

He could be jumping for joy, or he could be laying on the floor, thinking, OMG, I have BLOWN IT!

Either way, its for him to work through. Not you.

What are your doing today in regards to the househunt and spending the night with DD? And if DD is not with you tonight, who are you going to go visit?

Mimi posted in between me starting this and my finally sending it to you, good luck on the house!

About the POOL? Flamingo and I signed the papers to install one in our house 3 days after Dday. What a leap of faith that was! But it's been great. A maintenance issue, but once you get the hang of it, its not so bad.


LG

LG,

I did send the email - should have had int.send it. Will do from here on. I can not block email from Drac completely because of work, but can simply not read and forward on.

Am sitting on pins & needles right now waiting for response on the house offer. It just feels so right!

I will be Totally engrossed in this endeavor for a while, so that should help keep me too occupied to think about anything else

Tonight DD, DSS and I will be doing our 'housework' as we are going to my sister's tomorrow. DD is spending evening with my niece Sat while I take DSS, Mom, Bro, and Bro's GF to the races. I have suite passes through work so it will be a lot of fun. (Bush Series). Not really MY cup of tea, but my mom is a fanatic, which is really strange. You would never guess her to be one

I also have my mind on my nephew, the one that lost his brother. He has a drug addiction and we are dealing with a lot of issues with him right now. We are looking to find a rehab that we can get him in because we are going to have to have an intervention. He stole pills from his mom's boyfriend's house when we were there last week.

So, a lot going on, which overall, is good for me!

Goddess here, clapping loudly.

Bug

I like your image of "shaking him out of my head." It reminded me of that song from South Pacific "I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair." Now I'll be humming that tune all day!

Oh yes,,, on the pool? VERY cool commitment for you to make at that time, LG.

I had one years ago and did most of the maintenance on it myself. I like working and being outside, so it is a definate Plus for me as well as the kids. I know it can be a lot of work, but it will be worth it. It is above ground, but ony 4 years old.

I am already thinking of things I want to change in the yard, starting with cutting down a big ugly tree!

Bellvue - thanks for the Goddess claps! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

JT - DARN it, now the song is stuck in MY head! I LOVE that movie by the way.

Now I have another PB activity--rent all of the OLD movies that I Love!

Thanks!

Btw- GREAT day going, as I just signed a nice big contract at work. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

Softball player...
Pool Maintenance officer...
Sales Leader....

Drac is really an idiot...

Did Ho deliver pizza's for a living?

Sorry!

LG

You explain it to us, LG...

I'm a GODDESS OF ALL THINGS, too...

The OW in my case was an IDIOT..Ok, maybe not to that extreme... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

He was able to MOLD her and TEACH her..YUCK..I'm about to get sick..LATER.. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Mimi:

I'm not going there....

I never moved out.

I was EVEN WORSE than DRAC. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

In my very humble opinion.

Drac at least had the guts to move out.

But why he stays away?


No CLUE.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

LG

LG,

LMAO! Reminds me of a line from the Bangor Sisters, but in the spirit of good taste I won't write it here!

Mimi is on to something - it is not that Drac is trying to mold her but is playing the role of the 'HERO'. He even told me once when they were 'just friends' about how he felt sorry for her being a 'single mom'.

Talk about Puke! Gag!

He goes to 'rescue' her from he troubles as a single mom by MAKING ME a single mom??


Mimi, you reminded me several time about that need for admiration!

I tried hard to show my 'need' for him as well as my admiration in Plan A. Now in Plan B, my skills with handling my life will grow and shine!

Drac may get admiration for a while, but as it has already been shown, it will quickly turn into selfish demands. Then they can have a contest on whose selfish demand is more important.

Meanwhile, I will be here happy and content in the dark safe from all of the drama - see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Thanks for the laugh!

I GOT THIS, TOO!!

So, I had to turn into a single mom..but, of course, I could handle it but she couldn't... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Wow, Bugsy..I hadn't read down far enough to know that you had said the same thing! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

EGG-ZACT-LEE!

Frightening, isn't it?

Did your FWH try to get your DS to 'feel sorry' for him because he was 'under such STRESS trying to get his finances straightened out'?

Or tell your DS that it was YOUR fault he is going to have to change schools?

Or tell your kids to LIE for him

Or keep SECRETS for him

Or tell your kids that you would 'meet a boy and they will have a step dad'

Geez,,sorry about that, I got on a Ridiculous roll there for a moment.

Back to more important things. I just talked to the sitter and DD is doing much better!

My weekend plans should be ok as long as she is better!

LOL...

You forgot..our sons are grown men...

He was more scared that they would do HIM or HER bodily harm...

Our OS who has a BAD TEMPER purposefully asked me not to share any of the details OR ELSE....

From my UNDERSTANDING, that IDIOT OW wanted to PLAY FAMILY with our YS..who was in high school..COULD YOU IMAGINE??..Maybe they could have DOUBLE-DATED... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Amazing! Yes, I should have thought about your boys being tempted to give Dad a 'wake up call'!

Double dating? Eeewww!LOL!