Bugs,

When I changed the locks at my house it only cost 45.00 to change 2 locks and I got 5 keys with that.

Still

Bugs:

I agree with them that he is just trying to get a reaction out of you. I visited with the attorney that I may hire today. It sounds like yours may be a control freak like mine.

My attorney said that if I shock him by taking control, it may make him hit rock bottom and think about what is going on.

Now I just have to pray....pray.....pray....

Funny story for you though.


I was at work today and "lips of an angel" came on. That song reminds me of his cheating ways and I always start to cry. Instead of crying, I start praying silently to myself. Had to do this because I was answering the phone lines. One of the creditors put me on hold as I was praying and the verse of the song that came on immediately was "It's not over yet". All I could say was thank you Lord.

I know it's not over yet. We are still hoping, still waiting and still believing.

Have you seen your small sign that God's trying to reach out to you ??? Ask him to show you.... The closer I feel to God the more amazement I am getting....


Hope you have a good night ..

Still,
Did you do it yourself or hire someone? I personally would much rather hire a locksmith but I guess it's probably not that cheap...

Bugs - you need to deal with your own buttons. Think of it as recovery training now - because man! he got yours today! That last little bit was to let you know how much he still controls you.

On one hand, the locks need to definitely change, except then the yah-whoo knows he got you - and the game is on. Silence. Nothing changes - at least on the surface, and he doesn't know. And then he has to escalate to avoid hitting bottom. Expect it!

In the mean time, you need to get your joo-joo together - power-woman - you know - give yourself that power-pep talk that George Jungle would give you - and ignore the beasty-boy.

Perhaps you should send a boundary message by changing the locks ... and close your curtains - maybe cover that window with a blanket! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

"... Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6

There is nothing Drac can do to you that the Lord can not handle.

"Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16

God is merciful. HE knows the pain we suffer with our husbands, and he gives us HIS grace and HIS strenght to see this through.

There are passages through and through the bible like this one to give us the strenght that we need:

"Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes; I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way. She will chase after her lovers but not catch them; she will look for them but not find them. Then she will say, 'I will go back to my husband as at first, for then I was better off than now.'" Hosea 2:6-7


God will block our husbands paths with the thornbushes. We need to stay strong, strengthen our faith in HIM, and read his word to grow closer. God is molding us to HIS will. Remember to pray that God's will be done as it is in heaven. That would be perfectly and quickly.

"Praise be to the LORD, for he has heard my cry for mercy. The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song. The LORD is the strength of his people, a fortress of salvation for his anointed one." Psalm 28:6-8

"Before they call I will answer; while they are still speaking I will hear." Isaiah 65:24

May you never allow your circumstances to paralyze you to the point that you stop looking at your Lord for His answers, His will and His way in solving your problems. You must keep from being tormented by doubt, unbelief and disobedience to God's Holy Word. As part of your devotions tonight, read Psalm 18.

"Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us." Ephesians 3:20

God is in us, strenghtening us, giving us the endurance that we need to make this through. He is enabling us to go through this so that we might be able to help others. HIS work is within us and once he is ready our mountain of marital problems will move quickly. Praise God for that.

Prayer for today:

Hevenly and Most powerful father, we come to you today with thanks that you are working within us and within our marriage crisis. We thank you for the strenght and endurance that has brought us this far. We thank you for the discernment you have been giving us and enabling us to listen to what your word tells us to do in this crisis. Lord, we know that our marriage is in your hands. We have placed our husbands at the foot of the cross. Your word tells us Lord, that you will save one and leave the 99 behind. Abba, father, we ask that our husbands be the one that you mold out of your clay. Whisper in his ear and give him visions that would make him fear you lord. He needs shocked into turning his life back toward you Lord.
Lift the fog off of his eyes, soften his heart, Let him know what sin is Lord. Right now he is being deceived like Adam and Eve were in the garden of Eden. That snake has him believing that this is the Life for him. Let that apple that he so desires touch him in a way that he feels the guilt and shame for what has happened. Father, we know how much you love us. We have faith that you are moving this problem mountain for us so that our marriage will be restored. We know you hate divorce. We believe with all our heart that you will restore our family and will bring us all closer to you. For that we are extremely grateful. Father, we just ask through Jesus name on high that whatever else might be needed that you let him interceede for us and ask you because he knows our hearts and our desires. Thank you for being such a great and loving Father. We pray this all through Jesus name, amen.

FF,

I hired someone.... it took all of 15 minutes. I didn't even have to buy new locks he just adjusted the old ones.

Still

Good morning, all!

Well, I have my Spiritual Lift this morning,,, thanks INeed!

I am working on powering up my joo joo,,,,,,,,,,,,thanks for the advise and the laugh, Kayla! You kill me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> BTW, ALL the shades are down on ALL my windows every night! I haven't had any light bulb issues in quite a while.

Still & Mimi, thanks for the advise on the locks. Will look up a locksmith today and see when I can get this done. I was hoping I could figure it out on my own so I could do it tonight while Drac has the kids. That way he won't find out from them in advance.

When I was getting ready to walk out the door, I picked up my cell phone and saw that I had a TM. Now I have to tell you that normally, the phone beeps when I get a TM, but not this time for some reason (divine intervention?!!). Drac apparently sent a message last night at 6pm. I didn't know about it until this morning, so I didn't even have to think about whether to respond Immediately or wait!

The message just asked about DSS's meds. As this is something about DSS that needs to be answered, I did reply this morning around 7:15. My reply - - - Out.

I tried to pick the single, smallest word I could to give the proper reply.

I dropped off DD later than normal again, knowing that Drac would have had to take DSS early because he has meetings every Wed. am. DSS was not there. Drac took him to the other aunt's house where he spent the night. Now,,,,,,,,I know this isn't information I need or want to have, but can't think of a way to avoid knowing it right now. In 17 more days, I WON'T know this type of thing. That is good, becuase it makes me mad that he plays himself as being such the "great dad" and he doesn't even keep his kids on nights they are supposed to be with him! Lord, PLEASE continue to work on him and break him down to see the error of his ways!

Ok, enough Drac talk!!

Br--any more that you care to share on how not to power struggle? I have read Wild's thread off & on, but not completely.

So, everybody, how did I do wth the TM? Acceptable?

You've got to put an end somehow to that texting.

Either consciously or subconsciously he is trying to hold onto that connection with you and that keeps you from being dark to him...

Like early on in my PLAN B, I would call my H's VM, knowing he would have his cell turned off and I would listen to his VOICE.

TMing was an ongoing connection between the two of you that he is continuing.

I guarantee you that he will find another excuse to text you tonight.

Plus, he has got to suffer the consequences of his choice not to have you in his life to help him manage things. When you responded you met the DOMESTIC SUPPORT NEED. He needs to LOSE this option somehow without the DSS have Bugs having to suffer.

Maybe others can help you with the particulars...

BUT THIS HAS TO STOP...

You can get a locksmith to come at short notice this evening...and it's really not that expensive...

ETA: How about this? Find the intermediary and have her to tell him that you will not be reading any texts from him.

The texts make you too accessible to him. I know this cause my sons LOVE it cause they feel that they can reach me 24/7.

I TOLD you he would use texting as his method!
We talked about this before Plan B.
I thought you had found a way to block those?

Remember we were talking about how to plug all the holes so that you could truly be DARK?

You have GOT to plug them. Quickly. Your Plan B clock keeps starting over when he's able to get through.

And I disagree. DSS meds are HIS responsibility, and no answer was required. What would Drac do if you didn't answer? Find another way to get DSS his meds. Right?

The kids are your weakness. He will exploit it.

And the crappy thing about this is now he KNOWS you read his texts. So expect them to escalate until you find a way to BLOCK them....

Mimi,

I understand what you are saying, but do not have a logical solution right now. I will have to ck, but do not think my phone can forward TMs. Guess it is time to get a new phone?!

Regarding the meds. I no longer handle taking care of re-filling DSS's script. That is Drac's responsibility. I do keep some of each month's supply at my house so that he has it when he stays with me. I am pretty sure Drac knew that DSS did not have any at the house with me, but am not for sure.

Will see what I can do on the Tm/phone issue.

Am getting on a conference call for work now, but will call locksmith after.

If at all possible, simply CHANGE YOUR CELLPHONE NUMBER. Then you selectively give the new number out to those who need it. May be a pain but well worth it...

The problem with doing this is how do you stop DD or DSS from giving it to DRAC. Leave it up to THEM to tell him no? She can't NOT give it to them.

Bugs, you have a Blackberry right? Does it recognize text messages the same as email? Can you set an AutoRule for any messages from him to be automatically forwarded?

Most cell phone companies allow you to block certain services. (for example: I have internet blocked from my kids phones.)

You said Drac is the only one who texts you. Block text messaging.

I'm not getting this....I know we talked about this before. Did you purposefully leave this window open to see if he would attempt it?
(Be honest with yourself. you KNEW he would attempt to text you. I KNEW he would attempt to text you. Yet you didn't remove that service or do anything to block it. Was it because you WANTED to be able to see if he would try to contact you? Were you afraid of being "too dark"? Ask yourself.....)

Good point, Lexx...

I've been wondering about Bugs, too...

Is there some kind of thrill from this DRAMA?

It should be very QUIET in the DARKNESS...

PLAN B has not really started...

It's a CAT AND MOUSE GAME...

Ok, you all. I haven't been perfect, but back off me just a bit, OK? I am certainly NOT trying to play some kind of cat & mouse game. IF that were the case, there's tons of things I could be doing but haven't. I have come by here first, asking the right thing to do and AM learning and changing.

I HAVEN'T responded to his emails. I HAVEN'T called him. I HAVEN'T initiated any of this contact. I HAVE changed my schedule to avoid seeing him. I HAVE changed how the mail is handled. I HAVE changed intermediaries.

Come on Mimi,,,,,, do I really strike you as one that gets off from Drama? I think you really know me better than that, even though this is simply a message board "relationship". I understand you are trying very hard to help me so that I have a very dark and hopefully Successful Plan B. I truly appreciate your help and guidance. Please give me more of the benefit of the doubt here, OK?

How is it that I haven't started Plan B?

Maybe I'm over tired, maybe I'm just having a week of dumb a$$ attacks, maybe I just don't "GET" it all, maybe I haven't been completely honest with myself,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Ok, looking myself in the mirror, forcing some honesty out of myself. Yes, perhaps I held some hope that he would TM me. Yet I have thought about it a great deal; and while it perhaps was an unspoken/unacknowledged hope for me, I really did not think he would.

Really, I believed that once I cut off contact, that he would be happy and silent as he was for the entire first week! I figured that there may be an occassional NECESSARY message about the kids but that would be all. I had resigned myself (despite hoping I was wrong) to the fact that he was and is gone forever. I am giving him what he says he wants.

Guess what? I'm a BAAAAAD BUGS! I turned off TM on my phone. Done. Finished. Over.

He can send to Blackberry, but yes, I can forward those without having to read them! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I can not change these numbers. I would if I could but they are vital to my job.

Ok, are the spankings over for today? I am really exhausted!! Isn't Plan B supposed to be restful? Is it because I'm doing it so poorly that I am so TIRED???

I'm sorry, Bugs.

I didn't mean to come across as being so hard on you.

I don't think you are doing this ON PURPOSE.

He is catching you up in this. Remember..I been there done that..struggling here right with you, recalling how I got caught up into my H's traps and just so badly don't want you to make my same mistakes. I HATE THIS FOR YOU..I HATE THIS FOR ALL OF US HERE...

IT'S SUCH A MAJOR WAR..such a series of BATTLES... and we are trying to build your TOUGHNESS....



You see there, MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

We gotcha outta the rut, didn't we????




NO WAY!! YOU'RE WONDERFUL, MAH-VE-LOUS, GLAMOUROUS, BUGSY!!



EXACTLY..I wouldn't say POORLY..but he was starting to take control there for awhile..

BACK UP ON THE HORSE, NOW, BUGSY!!!

Get DRIVEN in your DETERMINATION for him not to BREAK THROUGH THE WALLS!!!

Mimi,

I know you are helping and that all of your advise and admonishments are out of the greatest concern and desire to help!!

Your having 'been there, done that' experience is invaluable. Yet, as you said, having done it yourself, you understand the struggles!

So, yes, the Learning continues.

I am guarding and shoring up the walls around me. I am working on getting a TOUGHER yet supple & Goddess-like protective skin, too! I am pretty sure I have that suit of armor around here somewhere. I just need to remember to put it on!

I am envisioning a Joan of Arc look for myself as I am now back up on the horse!

Thanks guys!

Bugs,

Cheering and praying for you from the sidelines. I know you will find peace I just know it.

Luv ya

Still

Bugs-girl. We want you to succeed.

You've been a superstar. You're probably more used to high-fives and atta-girls.

But we'd be doing you a DIS-SERVICE if we didn't point out the gaps.

Its just SO SO SO important to get this right -- right off the bat.

I'm being tough, because I know what happens. You go 97% dark -- but still have that hope that they will WANT to contact you, that they will miss you. And how are you going to know that if you don't leave that 3% hole to peek through? But by leaving that peep hole, you are giving him enough of a bugs-fix to avoid the pain. You're still tangled enough to be part of the affair drama.

I know you think 97% dark is pretty darn good. And it is. BUT! Here is why 97% isn't good enough:

HO: whats going on with the divorce?
DRAC: bugs won't speak to me, but I had to get on her case about using the kids as messengers.
HO: oh thats terrible...poor DSS...why does she put him in the middle like that?

VS.:

HO: whats going on with the divorce?
DRAC: (scrambling for some crumb to feed her, because there's been no contact and nothing comes to mind....)


BUGS-- I know you don't fully believe this; but their affair requires your participation in that triangle.
I KNOW THIS!
OM was pressuring me all the time -- telling lies all the times gets VERY CONFUSING. So I needed some basis of reality. I would feed him part of an argument, a part of a conversation that would satisfy him that I was in fact breaking away from BH and toward OM.
But the real TRUTH was those conversations or argument were very different than I portrayed!

Please Please have confidence that you did a MOST AWESOME Plan A!! You don't need reassurance that he's missing you or that he wants to contact you. YOU JUST NEED TO KNOW IT -- not see it.