Wow, a small statement you said that has rung like a bell when you said your WH sometimes loses time....this is a huge thing, and may be more than just time passing by quickly. This may be a symptom of DID amnesia. Especially knowing he was an abuse vicitm... I remember meeting a lady once who experienced this type of amnesia. She said she'll "wake up" and find herself driving...she won't know to where, what day it is, or where she is. She says she gets off the next exit and tries to find her bearings as best she can...she may have been out of it for a day or only an hour. She said people will tell her they carried on conversations with her, she went about her life, sort of...but she has no recollection of it...

Bugs:

Hope to hear from you soon!

LG

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed." If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you...However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgment to begin with the family of
God; and if it begins with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And, "If it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?" So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good."
I Peter 4:12- 14,16-19


Isn't it awsome to know that we will be overjoyed. This pain that we are suffering now will not mean a thing to us when our husbands come home. We will see the power of God's will.

Hey Bugs --

Getting settled?

I've had air conditioner problems before -- but easily rectified. My condenser froze (forgot to change my furnace filter....) Just had to let it thaw, then start the air back up. Was your AC running, just not getting cold?
Thats what happened to me.

Anyways...

School for DD?
Such a shame daddy doesn't get to see her off in the morning. Or coming home after her first big day! Consequences suck huh? hehehehe

But you get to enjoy every minute of it!

When your spouse says so many hurtful things about you and your marriage or they have filed for divorce and you know there is another person, what are you to do? Just stand!

When you are facing huge mountains of circumstances in your entire life, what are you to do? Just stand!

If the fire that you are in is unbearable, remember Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. There was a son of God standing right there in the fire protecting them. Jesus is standing right next to you protecting you from all harm. What are you do? Just stand!

"Because he loves me," says he LORD, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name." Psalm 91:14

When you feel depressed or discouraged and you are just about ready to give up, what are you to do? Call on your Lord Jesus Christ. Just stand!

You children are wanting their Mommy or Daddy to be home as a family. You are becoming weary because of all the responsibilities that you are having to do. Your spouse will not spend regular time with the children and they are hurting, angry and now rebelling. What are you to do? Just stand!

You are overwhelmed due to your financial responsibilities,
employment problems, and now you even need to sell your house. What are you to do? Just stand!

Will you stand and pray for the salvation of your coworkers at work? Will you stand up and pray for all the marriages at work and at church?

What does "just stand" mean? It means that every time you have a problem or a crisis in your life, you will fall down on your knees to make sure that you remember that you have humbled yourself and asked the Lord for His divine intervention in helping you through this specific crisis. If you do not get an answer, then you keep kneeling, knocking, asking and waiting for the Lord to tell you the
next directions for rebuilding your marriage on the solid rock of Jesus Christ.

In the meantime you need to "stand up for Jesus." Yes, you need to say: "Lord, I have enlisted to join God's Army forever. I choose to fight for God's best in my church, city and state. I will pray for all hurting marriages to be reconciled. I am going to stand up for marriage restoration."

Will you start standing up for what God hates? Will you stand up against divorce? Will you share with other people that there is an alternative, another way if a spouse wants a divorce or has fallen into sin? You can stand with our Lord Jesus and fight the enemy for the healing and restoration of all marriages. What are you to do now? Just stand!

"Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Ephesians 6:13

Hi Everyone!

Missed you all and have a lot of catching up to do. But, I DO have highspeed internet now, so it should not take too long now!!! Better than the Blackberry for sure!

Real quick update. Obviously, am in the house, but not MOVED yet. That will be this weekend.

Air conditioner had to be totally replaced. Am fighting about that with the real estate agents now. AGAIN, very blessed to have my parents. Dad arranged getting a company out here who had it installed before we moved in Tues, which with our weather is a MIRACLE.

Drac has been sending "attorney approved, covering his a$$" emails about DD and DSS. Will have to fill you in on that later. He picked up DD from school yesterday, as Wed is his regular night. He did have her CALL me right after and give me an update on her first day, which SHOCKED me! Of course, I did have her call yeseterday before school to talk to him. I thought it was only right.

He was to have her home at 8:30 (which is too late in my mind, but we'll work that out later). He did not get her home til 8:55, but had left a message that they were running late,, SURPRISE. He hasn't done that in MONTHS. He took her to see the Bratz movie,,, apparently just the 2 of them?? I was surprised! No HO???

When he brought her home, he got her out of the car, gave her a kiss 1/2 way in the yard, did not come up to the door at all.

My A sent me a message last night, they have made another "offer" to sell the marital residence and the boat and split the proceeds. I am not sure what I am going to do there,,,,,,,,,,,,he's just trying to sell the boat at a low prices to his boss and then buy it back and then "sell" the house to his dad and keep it in the family. Am thinking of agreeing,,,,, but ONLY if I get the total original amount I asked for. If the sale of these things does not yield that price, then I get to keep the proceeds from the sale of our other property to make up the difference.

Will talk to my A and see what she thinks.

Mom is coming in a few minutes to help clean here and be ready for the move Sat.

Thanks for checking in on me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Stay tuned! I'll be back later!

As long as the total amount comes to what you want, who cares what little games he plays with the "stuff."?

You know the true value of these items, right? Including the motorcycle that was bought with marital assets?
So you know what you should be getting. As long as you get it -- who cares how he schemes. Its nothing for him to feel good about...

So obviously he knows where your new house is. Make sure the light bulbs are tight. Do you have a security system?
I'm sure he's dying for a peek inside...(ick)

Have you gotten in the pool yet?
Have fun cleaning!

Hey Lexxx!

I was wondering where you had gotten off to! I have been so busy with the move. We are here, but not moving furniture and most of the boxes til Sat. We have living room furniture and patio furniture for the porch, so we've gotten by for these last 2 days just fine. Heading out after DD gets out of school to the old place to finish packing up and get ready for the am! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

So, on with the updates. Very much like PBS, I've had to communicate with Drac on kid stuff. We did communicate via email on that matter. .

Last Sunday, he found out from FIL that I was moving and DD would be starting school this week. He was huffing and puffing all over the place about it. How I was "taking his daughter away!" WTF? He KNEW this was coming! DUH DRAC! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Monday, per my A, I confirmed just the facts of the move and her school in an email. I copied my A on it. He replied in an email that was clearly written by his A, that he "agreed" that this was ok, but the "per the parenting plan" he should be consulted in advance, yada yada, yada. He further informed me that HE contacted the school and gave them his CORRECT information. Further that he would be picking her up from school on WED for HIS visitation night and returning her to my house at 8:30 pm. (I think this is too late for a 1st grader on a school night, but will be addressing that later) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

He then informed me he was keeping DSS in the same school and planned to drop him off at the old house prior to school and that DSS would get off the bus there. We did this last year, but I was there to be sure DSS got on the bus on time. I replied that I would not be there at the time he would need to get on the bus and that the sitter had offered to have DSS at her house to be sure he got on the bus.

Well, Drac apparently doesn't like that. He said he'd drop off DSS and the call him to be sure he gets out to the bus. He said "Sitter can do nothing for DSS that I can't do over the phone" Well,,,, isn't that interesting? DSS will be left ALONE?? Didn't I just get in trouble for dropping him off at FIL's when supposedly no one was home??? Whatever! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

What's going to happen the first time Drac forgets to call and DSS misses the bus? There is no one close to take him and he'll get mad at DSS. Unfortunately, nothing I can do about that.

Drac then also emailed me about if I were getting DSS for the weekend. It was even nice about if I had any ideas how I could continue to see him during the week that Drac would "be willing to listen:. I just replied, "Weekends remain the same"

Drac picked up DD after school on her first day. I had my mom go by the school to make sure he was there on time. He left a message later that said they'd be 10-15 minutes late? My sis and BIL were here with me, just in case Drac decided he wanted to come in. He finally got her home at almost 9 pm!!! UGH! He walked her 1/2 way up the yard, gave her a kiss and then turned around and walked back to his car. THANK GOD the Ho was not with them. She didn't go with them that evening at all.

He now knows that this is the SAME house I intended to buy! Wonder what he thinks about that?

My A emailed me that Drac's last offer was to sell the marital property and the boat and split the proceeds. I was talking to her about it yesterday, and she told me that she had a message from Drac's A that they had something else that they wanted us to consider, but she hadn't talked to him yet.

She emailed yesterday afternoon with the offer. Which is virtually the SAME original offer I made, with just a slight amount of change. WHAT????? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED. I just don't know what. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I did hear that the HO is unemployed right now. Also in the discussion with the A, Drac's credit card debt has increased SUBSTANTIALLY AGAIN! I guess he's supporting the HO???

So, I think I am going to take the offer. We go back to court on Mon., so it may be all finished then??

AM not sure how I feel about that. Will have time alone today for a while to think about things.

I need to get DD's clothes ready for school. Will post in a bit about DSS's first day of school,,,, I talked to him before and he called me after,,,,,

Ok, I got DD on the bus and took care of some work stuff,,,,even though I am on vacation!

On Tues, when I picked up DD to bring her to the new house, I gave DSS a letter. It just told him how much I love him, how proud I am of him, how much he has ALWAYS meant to me and how I am always here for him no matter what. I told him I am always just a phone call away.

Yesterday was DSS's first day of school. I called and talked to him before school and told him I'd talk to him after to see how his day went.

HE called me immediately after he got off the bus and was VERY upset. Seems he talked to other "students" who were going out for football,,,,they all had equipment, but DSS did not. They convinced him he could not try out without the equipment, so he got on the bus and went home vs going to try outs. He was SO UPSET. I told him to first try to calm down. Asked if he talked to the COACH, which he did not.

I told him, it's ok. Dad can call and talk to the coach, it can be worked out. He said, "I KNOW Dad's REALLY mad at me. HE really wanted me to play football,,and I did, too. But Dad is going to think I did this on purpose to get out of it." I tried to reassure him,,,,,it was hard as I believe he was probably right. I told him again that Dad could work it out and asked if he'd called his Dad. He said he did. I asked what Drac said,,,,,,,,,,,

He said "We'll talk about it tonight".

What???? CLEARLY DSS was VERY upset and that was the best he could do??? UGHH!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

Well, I guess Drac did work it out because last night he was talking to DD and starting sending messages thru her, which pi$$ed me off! Asked what time I was picking up DSS today and to tell me that DSS has football practice after school.

I am going to send message to Drac -
"Please advise on DSS's schedule" Simple and to the point???

I am GLAD that he worked it out, because DSS wants to do this, if for no other reason than to please his dad. I am concerned,,,, what if he doesn't make the team? I have serious doubts if he will. Poor kid doesn't really even have a basic understanding of the rules of the game. Drac never took the time to teach him. Everything he knows about football is what he has learned from watching the games with me. I just don't want to see this turn into something that further discourages him socially.

Not much I can do but hope & pray for the best!

Good job, Bugsy. You are a good mom, and DSS knows that.

WOW, you're world is really busy...I hope that it settles down for you soon! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Bugs:

It's real tough for DSS to TALK TO THE COACHES. (but, if he had, and then Missed the BUS, he would have had trouble as well, tough spot for him)

My son doesn't, but he will listen all day to the other players, who may not have a clue, really.

So, from that point of view, your DSS reacted about the same. As DSS gains confidence, he WILL talk to the coaches more. My son has been practicing in t-shirts and shorts. No equipment at all.

As for the sudden change in Drac's D Plan, that moves closer to yours?

He wants to wrap it up.

HE's not going to get a better deal, and he knows/knew that.

Plus, the delays cost money. Attorneys cost money. HO's foot is tapping....

Got any monkey wrenchs for the works? Or do you even want to slow it down?

I guess you said you were going to think about that today. But that is why he moved close to your offer. To get it Over.

He can even tell HO, he doesn't have that much $$ because BUGS was so TOUGH on him. BOO-HOO.

Have you been able to use the pool? Went home at lunchtime yesterday and the Polaris had broken its line and it was squirting water everywhere.... Then I went to add water to the pool, and forgot to turn it off, anf this morning it was swamped.... Darned if your do, darned if you don't.... Darling son has been tasked with cannonballing into the pool this evening to reduce the amount of water in it in the most fun way.

Caught in the limbo right now between houses, Huh? Partially in the new house, and not out of the old house? Hope you have good weather tommorrow for the actual move.

Otherwise, you seem in very good spirts. Keep it up.

LG

Hi Bugs,

I went through the same thing as DSS back in my Jurassic Football days. Guys tried to scare me off because I had no equipment and they talked a big line of crap. I went anyway and guess what; a lot of guys did not have equipment yet and the ones who did could not use theirs in the first couple days. When we finally made the team and got equipment I remember setting aside a special practice day for each one of those guys. They might still remember their special day.

DSS will be fine. Strongly encourage him to talk with the coach. Big Tip #1: Tell him when the coach blows the whistle to call in the players SPRINT to the coach and be the first in. This is always a great impression.

You sound strong and poised as usual. Have a great weekend.

Bugs;
You sound great!

2x4 warning:
You've got to get darker. Emails should not be directly between you and him (even with attorneys copied).
Where is your intermediary? Use your intermediary to tell him to knock it off with sending messages through DD.

When DD is on the phone with him....LEAVE THE ROOM. Do not be anywhere nearby so she can talk to you while she talks to him...
*2x4 over*


Ok -- on DSS's football career. Do you have any male friends that might work with him? I have a longtime friend who was a college football player, and he's given my son lots of tips and advice. If you have DSS this weekend, maybe you could have such a friend spend an hour or two preparing him for tryouts? Just even having the correct 3 point stance, wrapping his arms on a tackle -- little things like that....

WOW that's a tough age. And kids are often not nice to each other!

Hello again!

Let's see,,,,,YES, we've been using the pool! It's great! Sis & BIL have been over 3x and HE always vacums for me! I will have to do myself today, and that's ok. I need a bit of "down time" by myself.

Yes, Drac does want this over. I think you are right LG, he's out of money. His A told mine that his credit card is ANOTHER 4K higher. Who knows if that is true or not. It may very well be as I understand that HO has lost her job, so I am sure he is supporting her. Probably going to move her in with him at OUR house! PUKE!!

No, I really don't want it to be over. I do want my H back, but frankly, there's nothing I can do to make that happen. I CAN delay the FINAL papers being offical,,, I have not taken the required parenting class yet and they won't finish up until I do. So, I am not going to get in a hurry about that.

I want so desperately for Drac to say that he was WRONG!! I want him to acknowledge the damage he has caused to all of us. I want him crawling back to me on his hands and knees!!! I want my H and my FAMILY!!

But, what more can I do?????

Right now, I am trying to focus merely on putting my life together here. Getting my house together, getting DD in a good routine, keeping up with DSS as much as I can, and focusing on work. I am so very Blessed to be in the sitch that I am, so I try not to give in to the "I am doing good, BUT,,,,,," kind of thinking.

I have thought about how Drac will feel or what he will think going back to OUR house with all of my and DD's stuff gone. Pictures removed, the little "touches" that a woman brings to the house, etc. It's going to look a lot more empty. Will it feel that way to him? Will it matter to him?? I know I shouldn't wonder those things, but I do.

Thanks for all of the tips on DSS. I was very into sports in school, so can give him lots of advice and tips, and will have BIL, Bro and other work with him when he is here. The truth is, as I said before, as much as I know sports would help him socially, in his confidence, etc., DSS is just not athletic. Chris, as you said, HUSTLE is a HUGE thing. DSS is just one of those kids that seems to have NO hustle in him at all. But, who knows, maybe this will turn out to be his "thing". I will do what I can to help him. I DO worry about the other kids being mean to him - - - historically he has always been one of the kids who gets picked on anyway. Sports groups can be even worse for that,,,,,I know as I was probably mean to a few kids myself. Not that I am proud of that at all, just looking back I can admit to it.

Lexxx,,,,, 2x4 taken, but intermediary has not been available. I DO leave the room when DD talks to Drac, but she came and found me last night at Drac's direction. I just nodded my head at hear, not answering out loud for him to hear me at all.

So, any ideas on what else I should be/could be doing here?

I am going to call my A later and tell her to take the offer, unless she advises otherwise for some reason. I am also going to talk to her about updating the expense numbers on the child support calculation,,,, my expenses HAVE changed. Don't know if/how it will impact it, but I want to make sure it's updated.

I feel so bad for DSS hearing about this.

My DS is 14 and is a jock through and through. And even though he's definitely on the inside with those sports groups, I've seen those kids be just *awful* to each other.
I know he's been hurt emotionally by "friends". Maybe its just boys that age.
What a rotten time to have a distracted father...

Anyways....

Sounds like affair-land is going badly. Ho sounds needy.
I suspect you're right about why he's trying to expedite things. But don't stress on it. Remember the HO-overdose works in your favor.

Focusing on your life is what you need to do. Moving on. (literally!!!)

Drac is going to start feeling you moving farther and farther away....(literally!!!)

Have you ever read the divorce busters 180 list? Or CarolK's story? I think the timing is right for him to start worrying about being replaced. I suggest you remain 100% on the high road...meaning doing nothing questionable or dishonorable. However -- if he starts hearing from DSS or DD about "Bob" who helped you move etc....well you get the picture. He will be eaten up with jealousy and no outlet to find out what's going on. Guess who he takes that out on? HO.

I know its seems a little game-playing...Just a suggestion.

Yep, all of us BS's would like that....Unfortunately Bugs I think there are differing degrees of WS's. I think there are those that some point really get it and move back committed to a new marriage and making amends for the rest of their lives whether asked for by the BS or not. Then I think there are those who move back because something didn't work out with OW/M or they didn't want to lose their home, money, children, families, friends, etc. These sometimes work at recovery and sometimes don't instead just getting by and perhaps still pining for their wayward life and soul mate. There are those who move back and just want to cake eat until they are ready to be wayward again. Then there are those that don't get it, don't want to get it and refuse to accept any responsibility for their actions, entitlement, selfishness and don't care if the world knows it. These don't see any way out or don't want any way out of the cavern. They have made their bed and are moving on come ****** or high water the consequence. They will simply blame someone else (the BS in most cases), or justify, legitimize their choices. They are destined to a hollow, shallow, life of momentary ups and drastic and long lasting downs.

Lexxx,

Yep, I think it's boys especially at that age, but I know the girls can be just as bad, , ,if not worse. Either way it's a rough time in ANY kid's life, let alone, as you point out, having a Dad whose not 110% there for him when he really needs it.

I've not read the 180 or CarolK's story,,, will take a look. A while back Drac mentioned that earlier this year when he thought I was seeing someone, he was angry, but got over it. He was telling me this as part of his, "I know you are angry,,,,I understand" BULLCRAP speech. I know not to believe anything a WS says,,,,,,but this makes me wonder if it would matter at all or not. However, me being out here on my own,,, out of HIS realm completely may put a different spin on things?? Don't know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

H&P,

I have read and thought about all of the different kinds of WS you mention above. In fact, have been reading a lot about them today!

I am afraid that Drac is in the last catagory. He doesn't get it, doesn't WANT to get it and refuses to accept any responsibility for his actions. Until this last move back to my original offer, that has been his M.O. almost the whole time,,,,, even when he and the HO were broken up and he was "seeing me" again, it was still about entitlement and selfishness. And yes, TOTAL BLAME lies on my shoulders. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I would LOVE to send one last Olive Branch out to him before Monday, but he has given no indication that he is in any position to even think about accepting it. So, will remain dark and let the A do her job. I feel very sad when I think about that. That it is probably way past TOO late for us to ever recover. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

As Sis was talking about today, there is what "IS" and then what we want or what WE think "SHOULD BE". Well, I am working hard to deal with what IS.

Right now that means that my bathroom floor is drying since I just handscrubbed it, and I need to disconnect and move my computer to the other room!

Will ck back with you all later.

You can strut your stuff, but put your head in the ground to get to complete darkness.

Remember bugs: God is a very patient person, and we must be as well. He will allow things to get worse for Drac while he waits for him to answer his calling. You are in such a great place now. Were you this close to God before ?

I know I wasn't. This has changed my life, and I am sure it has changed yours as well. Our goal is to focus on the Lord. Remember we are the branches, HE is the vine. We can wave our little hands all we want, but it's not for us to accomplish the work. IT is GOD'S job. we will waver and we will sway, but it's up to us to stay focused on God and watch while he works this through.

God may seem like he's taking forever, but he is just using his patience to make sure that Drac is not lost. We must do the same. God's purpose is so that none will perish, but all have everlasting life.

Our husbands are ignoring God's signals, and warnigns. God will not let them off that easily. The heat will be turned up under their feet til they do so. Do we want to be by them when this happens ? No we do not !!!

You are doing such a great job !!! You are truly one of God's angels. We will be rewarded !!! You just wait til you and I receive God's Finest. Who knows if it is our husbands, It may be something better yet.

Our husbands are ignoring God's signals, and warnigns. God will not let them off that easily. The heat will be turned up under their feet til they do so. Do we want to be by them when this happens ? No we do not !!!

You are doing such a great job !!! You are truly one of God's angels. We will be rewarded !!! You just wait til you and I receive God's Finest. Who knows if it is our husbands, It may be something better yet. [/quote]


Amen....

You hang in there Bugs. I'm on my way to church and you are in my prayers!

Smartiepants