Bugs:

You HAVE to do NOTHING.

Drac scheduled something, and didn't run it by you first, so it makes his plan difficult.

He planned something for his night with DD. His Choice.

Your not at fault here.

Drac:

Please return DD to the house after your meeting.

Bugs.

Phone call, missed msg, V-M. Testing those boundaries.

He is really feeling the choices he has made. No BUGS to help him out.

It's on him, and he don't like it.

His Choice.

Didn't you get a Cell phone for DD? Now you know why you need to do that.

LG

Thanks LG.

My Mind had the line of logic you say above,,,.y emotions just took me somewhere else.

I just hate this whole situation.

I do not 'get it' at all. I know I have been told hundreds of times how it is 'typical' Selfish WS behavior, but am struggling. I know it is because I am not dark enough, and am struggling with that as well. Hurting. The feeling that Drac can not get rid of me fast enough is hard.

I can do nothing to change him, I know. But, I can still WANT him to change, can't I?

I have to get focused on everything BUT him. Wish he'd just stick to the schedule and I would not be drawn so much into it.

Bugs:

These Lines:

I can do nothing to change him
Wish he'd just stick to the schedule

Accept that this is your life and roll to his whims.

Or, Go dark, and avoid the contact, as much as possible.

Someone on the divorcing thread talked about HOW ANGRY his WexW was because he didn't give her the time of day anymore.

"Why can't you accept the situation and be friendly to me?" asked the WexW

He states simply "You divorced me, I consult with you in regards to the kids and DO NOT CARE WHAT ELSE YOU DO"

Really, Really makes the WW mad.

So What.

Drac's choice. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE HIS FRIEND.

Your plan B letter laid it out.

Email him a copy, stating at the top, "What part don't you understand?" "I'm giving YOU what you wanted."

"I have even given you a path home. Please make a choice. It's all or nothing."

That may be a lovebuster. But the standard response to attempts to break Plan B is to send a copy of the Plan B letter.

So there you have it.

And Bugs, he wants to make it YOUR FAULT. Let him. It's his only justification for his actions. Stay on the high road.

Schedule your "Co-Parenting" meeting at your convienence.

Bugs, these are HIS choices. HE doesn't like the outcome of them. TOUGH.

IT will be hard on you, but time, and you being consistent, will slowly make it easier on you.

Remember, I told you that Drac will pay less and less attention to DD if this D goes to Final.

You defended him, but that was the father he WAS. Not the father he will BE. Right now, he's trying to look good for the court.

BTW, the unemployed HO will start to become more and more involved with DD. Sorry. Just what I see Drac doing. Someone has to take care of things for him. Bugs isn't there, and Drac certianly has more important things to do.

Sorry.

To bad this wasn't South Park..."OH NO! we killed..."

But there he is, in next weeks episode....

LG

LG,

Love the South Park reference! He Hated that show for that very thing! He he!

So, you pretty well laid it on the line, and I would say you nailed it. This is Drac we are talking about, not my H or DD's Good Daddy. Not any more.

I could send him a copy of the PBL, but what good would it do? He won't 'get it'. He'd merely read it as me still being in love with him and ME trying to control him. He's on the Drac Only Plan for Life. No one or nothings exists or matters in any way except how it relates to him and what he wants, the way he wants it.

I don't get why he needs to try to make this my fault? And why it seems he is trying to punish me. As you said, I am giving him what he wants, why isn't he happy with it?

Bugs:

You stated this:

"I could send him a copy of the PBL, but what good would it do?"

It tells him, AGAIN, what he should expect.

And anytime you allow him to deviate from that, YOU get upset.

That's why you send him that. You become a machine.

Drac calls you ---> You send PBL
Drac Texts you ---> You send PBL
Drac sends note through kid ---> You send PBL

The only thing that Drac should get from you? PBL.

Unless he agrees to the terms. And those terms were not that harsh.

You have decided to live without Drac in your Life, unless he agrees to the PBL.

He doesn't have to like it. YOU certainly do not like him living/being with HO.

Sort of a catch22. But not really. You have decided to remove Drac from your life. H can return at any time.

Because the H is the catch. WH is the 22. Useless.

And he wants to make it YOUR FAULT, because then, it's NOT HIS FAULT. Wayward Thinking. HO, and him moving out, and doing all the things he is doing, not his fault. But YOU! YOU AREN'T PLAYING ALONG! You don't have to. Sorry, his sandbox is stained and spoiled, and you got out of it.

Only Drac can clean it. The disinfectant is in the PBL.

Oh, yeah, good thing you didn't change his address from the old house. He and HO can just get the mail there together from now on.

That's coming next.

Sorry.

Time to get P!$$ed off.

LG

Lg,

I get it. Drac doesn't and probably never will.

I had to laugh this afternoon, though. He is planning on heading out from a business meeting on the 30th to the usual lake destination for Labor Day and wants to know MY plans for having DSS.

Per the Parenting Plan Labor Day weekend is HIS holiday. What a dumb a$$ again, only thinking of himself.

I am glad to have the kids, just one more non-compliance for him on the visitation he DEMANDED! You called it,LG. I just did not expect it to start so soon.

Well, gotta go print off about 100 PBLs.

Will catch up later!

That'll get you started for the rest of this month and a couple of weeks into next.... LOL

Just imagine trying to remember to throw them all away so HO won't find them.

DO NOT FIX THIS FOR HIM!!!

He is looking for you to take him off the hook and make things easy for his labor day weekend. DO NOT FIX THIS FOR HIM!!!

It's his weekend. Do NOTHING. Do not offer to take DSS.
Let him figure out how to handle these things without SuperBugs. He is divorcing you. That means he does not get your Super Powers anymore!

This is one of those nasty little consequences of being a scumbag. He needs to get used to them....

DO NOT FIX THIS PROBLEM FOR HIM.

Notify your intermediary to reply that per the parenting schedule, Dracs has DSS that weekend.

(sorry been out of town awhile, and first thing I do is come back and YELL!!! lol)

Bugs -- Let Plan B work!
You sabotaging your own plan!
Get out of the way!

NO NO NO NO NO on taking DSS to make things easier for Drac.

Meggy,,

Good thing I can print at work and save $ on the paper! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Lexxx,

So glad you are back to yell at me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Really!

I am just trying to decide WHEN to have that message sent that it is his 'holiday' to have BOTH kids.

And oh, by the way, Bugs expects that YOU,Drac, will be picking her up, not a friend or the Ho.

Which means Drac has a 3.5 hour drive back to get DD and another 4 hour drive back to the lake. Too bad so sad.

Is that more like a proper Plan B?

Oh, I did NOT ask about getting him on any school mailing list. I did NOT send him DD's teacher's email address. I did NOT tell him I signed up for parent/teacher conference. I did not even let hin know there is a conference date or that he needs to sign up!

How's that?

another reason to stick to the plan...

the next holiday, YOUR scheduled holiday, will turn into a temper tantrum from him: You had the kids last holiday, now its MY turn!

You are not there to make his life easy or clean up his mess. Everytime you fix his problems he gets a Bugs fix.

Ok, so it's his holiday, he should have the kids. That is not a problem.

Question - is it considered 'fixing' by informing him it is His Holiday?

He has a copy of the parenting plan the same as I do. He knows which holidays he's had so far, but apparently is operating on his assumption that it is every other holiday rather than the groups of days spelled out in the plan.

Bugs:

How about this thru your intermediary:

Drac:

I had already made other plans for the upcoming holiday, as it was your holiday for the kids.

Bugs.

And leave it at that. You don't need to "fix" it. Your just stating the facts. If he wants to send another email asking you to take the kids, that's a different issue.

Plan B means you don't respond to Babble and Fog.

But you DO make sure that the facts are straight when warranted.

Drac may spin it, IF you delay, that "BUGS can't even answer me about where DSS might be during the holiday"

But, he will spin it anyway. Leave it at that. But he can't spin it if you keep it simple and truthful.

LG

through intermediary:

"Bugs has plans for labor day weekend.
It is your scheduled weekend with DD and DSS according to the parenting plan schedule."

Simple.

What agreements do you have about others doing pick-ups or drop-offs? I don't think you want to start a pi$$ing match over this one, cuz it could bite you later. If he wants to have FIL pick-up or drop off, I would accomodate that...it may help you later. (but ****** no for HO!!)

Thx guys. Simple and truthful is good for me.

We have no set agreement for others on pick up drop off, but family is always ok by me. Family would be the only ones I would ever use.

**** No on the Ho. For the lake trip, Drac would try to use 'friends', who furing our M would have been OK. Now, it would not. Chances are they will be taking the Ho with them!

I will have the message sent, referencing the parenting plan, tomorrow

Waiting for DD to get home. I set a bag w/weekend clothes outside for him to get tonight. This way she does not have to deal with taking anything to school on Fri for the weekend.

((((BUGS))))

Thinking of you!!!

You are doing well...growing little by little every day...sometimes sight unseen until we look back!!!
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Rin,

Hoping I can look back soon and see that growth. Not so sure these days.

DD didn't make it home til 10! Although Drac had her call as soon as they left the class, so I knew they were later than he said.

She had fun playing, but said it was sad having to talk about D. I asked if she & Drac spoke about the class or the D, she said no. He can tell her we aren't married when we ARE, but won't talk to her about the D when he has taken her to a class about it??

Then she asks,

'Did you hear that Daddy and Ho broke up?'.

Apparently he found it necessary to tell her tonight that she won't be seeing the Ho any more because they broke up.

More drama. Why can't he see how the cr*p he does effects the kids when he puts them right into the middle?! Why even tell her that they broke up?

Ugh. Trying hard to sleep, not working real well.

So she will tell YOU.

IAm,

Ok. Then what and again,,WHY?

It doesn't change anything. He is still going forward with the D.

Hope I don't sound TOO dense here !?!

Personally, I think that focusing on that question will drive you insane...

YOU WILL NEVER know the answer to that question or the countless other ones that go through your mind...

How much energy did you waste in your M trying to figure out what he was thinking or trying to make him understand WHERE you were coming from? I KNOW I WASTED ALOT!!!

It's a matter I THINK of them not wanting to understand, not caring, whatever...it's just something that we have to accept...not like, just ACCEPT!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />