What you are doing is standing firm on your decision to NOT be a part of the TRIANGLE....

The more he RESPECTS you..the more ATTRACTIVE you are to HIM...

He is loosing SOMEONE SPECIAL...

DRAC: "What was I thinking daring to risk loosing such a GODDESS?"....

Head up..chest high today, BUGSY!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

So, being more specific is better than

"If you want to talk about what is in my ltr, let me know. Otherwise do not call unless it is an emergency" ?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

My thinking is that if I put in the "I will talk to you when you end your affair for life", he will reply that it IS over and then expect us to "be friends" and continue the Divorce. The whole "we'll be friendly divorced parents"

?????

Intermediary to Drac:

Bugs will discuss reconciliation with you, all other communication should follow the process outlined in her letter.

Puleez... this was DRAC testing the waters again. Didn't you send him another copy of PB letter?

You did good. I'm with Mimi, respond short and "sweet" through appropriate channels.

Bugs:

I repeat: HE WANTS YOU.

He can't admit that to himself, but HE NEEDS YOU.

SO, he will attempt to break Plan B. Everyday.

What does BUGS DO>>>>Send Plan B Letter.
What does BUGS DO>>>>Send Plan B Letter.
What does BUGS DO>>>>Send Plan B Letter.

If he gets through like he did today...

Bugs: Is it an emergency?

Drac: No..., But...

Bugs: I WILL TALK TO YOU WHEN YOU END YOUR AFFAIR FOR LIFE

And hang up.

LG

So..only IF..he breaks through...

THEN...SHORT and SWEET...

If he says, he's ended the A....THEN...

Talk to him SHORTLY and SWEETLY about the NO CONTACT LETTER...

Thanks everyone!



I DID send the PBL again last week. He would have gotten I Fri or Sat.

So, first the message is simply 'end the affair' and we can then talk?

Then the message is 'send NC letter' and we will Continue' to talk?

Then?? Lexxxy mentioned saying I would talk about reconciliation. Do I mention that now or later. I want to get this right.

Again, am thinking he wants the let's be divorced friends plan.

Thanks!!

This is IT for NOW...

BECOME DARKER THAN NIGHT....

He needs to SUFFER..reach his LOWEST POINT...come to you on his hands and knees, begging and pleading to be with you...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Mimi,

Ok, I got it. Thanks for clarifying. Darkness will be easy with us both out of town. I won't even be in the same city as DD when she talks to him!

we will need to chat here about if/when I get the chance to talk to him about the NC letter! I know I will need lots of coaching to be prepared for that conversation.

Until then, will concentrate on DD, DSS, and work.

Also, I get to make family fun plans for the weekend!

I will let you know if he tries to respond later. Boarding the plane soon.

Drac sent an email before I had the chance to get anything sent to him. It addressed that he had not heard from me, that I refused to talk to him as it was a Non-emergency, his interpretation of last weeks communication, his plan for getting DD and bringing her home, his trip info, how he'd told me earlier he would be gone, which phones will work, how he will not have DD Wed, how I need to have her call him, and info on where DSS is staying this week.

I had message sent to his phone (remember he can not ck email). Said as he plans to have Group B next year, I will have kids this weekend. I will work out DSS's schedule with DSS. That was all

I sent TM direct to his phone.

'I will talk to you when you end your affair for life. Refer to my letter'

That was it.

Oops,, gotta turn off for the flight

Here's his reply

I am sorry that you feel it necessary to text the above to me instead of talk to me, but my personal life is no longer any of your concern, on the other hand the children are and I would wish we could put personal feelings to the side to discuss any issues with them rationally.

Thoughts? He went on re:DSS's practice schedule and how he HAS to be at the practice Mon to be able to play in the first game. He missed practice Sat because Drac overslept!!

Whaaaaaat???


Why are YOU breaking Plan B?
Why are YOU sending a letter stating no contact then sending him text messages?
Why are you responding about non-emergency issues?

You need to get on board with this quickly, because you are losing all credibility on your boundries.

Yes -- duh -- he does want friendly co-parenting. Thats all he wants right now, because he is either still involved with HO, hoping to get back with HO, or not over HO.

So stop accomdating him. Stop letting him break your boundries.

It is NOT your job to "make" DD call him any day. Get her a damn cell phone and leave it up to him. It wouldn't hurt to get used to the idea that when you are a divorced parent you probably don't get to talk to them every day -- and if you want to, its YOUR own responsibility.

Stop telling him to stop texting you...then texting him. Talk about mixed messages!

Get that online schedule thing going PRONTO.

Then try to do Plan B.

(2x4 over...sorry if it stings...)

Hey, Bugs.

Good job on the reply. Ideally, you wouldn't be seeing any of the poisonous content of his emails (my personal life is no longer . . . .) because that stuff is still contact and will drain you.

Concentrate on being dark. And settle in. This could take a while.

SD,

Yes, it was a risk to peek out into the light like that and I was burned. But, I did have on a bit of sunscreen, ,, in the form of the knowledge I have from MB!

I did not think he was anywhere close to us looking at recovery. I did, though, have a bit of hope that he would confirm it is over between them.

Instead, he took it as ME trying to control HIM. When the truth is I am focused only on controlling myself. He chose to have an A and now to D me. I get to choose to limit my pain by not having direct contact with him.

He does not like my choice. Too bad. I sure didn't like his either!!

I noticed his tracking his email with a read receipt and quoting directly in his email what I sent. Guess he has decided to document everything? For what purpose? Who knows.

We are talking about a man who is going to be away from his kids for more than a week. So what does he do the night before he leaves, he goes OUT and leaves his son alone at home.

If he has any plans on the legal front, he will have a long way to go with that kind of behavior.

I just do not get the whole idea he has that we should be friends.

He has an A for months, lies to me over and over, abandons his family, continues to sleep with me and the OW, tells our kids it is OK to have a GF, tells them we are not M when we are, takes them on trips with her and I AM SUPPOSED TO PUT MY PERSONAL FEELINGS ASIDE TO DISCUSS THE HOLIDAY SCHEDULE REATIONALLY??

Geez he is f'd up!

Sorry for the rant!

Bugs,
It is equally f-d up to expect rational behavior from him, and yet you still do.

No, you are not supposed to put your feelings aside and discuss holiday schedules, you are supposed to have your intermediary do it.

You need to stop getting caught up in his world and his rationalizations, and his manipulations. Plan B is for YOU bugs.

We can explain again why he wants you to be his friend, but I don't think you need us to. I think you get it. But for some reason you are letting him break your boundries and you are getting all caught up in his crap.

Why is Mimi advising Bugs to text, and Lexxxy scolding her for it? I don't get it. I'd be confused.

BUGS:

Lots of stuff thrown around yesterday.

Drac is drowning, and is throwing out lifelines to you to save him.

You really do WANT to save him.

Whats done is done.

Your at a meeting that is going to be difficult enough for you.

And Drac is throwing darts at you, while seeming so "perfectly reasonabale"

"let's be Friends"

Can make it VERY DIFFICULT for you.

And we are all posting seemingly contradictory info....

But Drac never sent you an email, TM or a phone message that wasn't about him breaking down Bugs.

IF in any of that he had even HINTED that he had made some mistakes, and that this could be repaired, it would have been easier to manage for you.

BUT HE DIDN'T.

He's still DRAC.

Plan A is really starting to pinch. And if HO is gone, and even if she isn't, SHE can't give him what Bugs provides.

So Drac is drowning....

In the cesspool he created.

You gave him the path home.

You gave him the lifeboat.

If he pushes it away, and DEMANDS that a bigger, nicer vessel appear to save him, then there is nothing you can do about this.

That's his choice.

I would really rather talk to you about your pool problems....

But Drac really made a concentrated effort to blow you up yesterday.

And just didn't realize how many troops you had on your side.

LG

LOL...somebody thought that I REALLY am a GUARDIAN ANGEL and NOT A HUMAN BEING...who makes MISTAKES....

sighing... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

BACK LATER....

I know..excuses, excuses..BUT, I do work for a living and post in the midst of that..and can't keep up with BUGS..and do have my SENIOR MOMENTS...BUT...

I did check back and saw that I told Bugs to respond SHORTLY AND SWEETLY..ONLY..IF HE BREAKS THROUGH..and she proceeded to RESPOND to him FIRST...and he responded with this..



Then I started LOL again..cause this is SO RIDICULOUS...for too many reasons for me to even respond to..SO TYPICAL FOR A WS...

ONLY WORDS..IGNORANT, STUPID, INSANE WS WORDS....

IMO, for the WS, ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS and his WORDS SHOULD BE IGNORED...

In regards to his ACTIONS, he is trying his darndest to break through PLAN B and to have this HIS WAY..with him EATING CAKE..having BUGS and the HO, too...

I think BUGS is still fine as long as she REMAINS DARK AS NIGHT NOW...

She has A PLAN..he DOES NOT...

As LG says, little does DRAC know that he is BATTLING AN ENTIRE MB ARMY...

I betcha he will continue to try to BREAK THROUGH...

ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN HIS IGNORANT WORDS!!!

Bugsy,

He's got you spinning, voluntarily.

Get dark, stay dark. NONE of what you have experienced recently is about recovery, it's all about making DRAC more comfortable, coparenting, nicey nicey. He's trying to throw the guilt trip on you, and you are eating it.

Don't send the PBL again, no reason. Don't respond to him TM's (is someone bleeding, on fire, broken, hurt? NOPE). Get DD a cell phone and let the chips fall ON DRAC. He can pick up the phone and call his daughter. DRAC and DD can work it out themselves, okay, you don't need to help.

All I see is BLAHBETTY BLAH BLAH BLAH. It's crap, rubbish, and means nothing. When he shows up at your door, SHOWING you what he is doing for recovery, then you talk.

Do not fool yourself into thinking that you can TALK him into submission.