UGH - dreamed about Drac last night. It was actually a pleasant dream,,,,,,,,,until I woke up. Darn I hate it when that happens!

Since the time change this weekend, I've tried to keep getting up at the same time as before. I figure I may as well since I wake up at that time. Am starting a bit of exercise. With the winter months and the holidays starting, now's a good time to get ahead of the normal winter weight gain! Living too close to my Mom in dangerous,,,,,,,,,she LOVES to bake and is really good at it!

Busy day today - am going to meet Romeo this morning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I figure it's time for a new man in my life.

I certainly deserve someone who is going to love me unconditionally, someone who is ALWAYS going to be happy to see me, someone who will cuddle with me and keep me warm on those long winter nights, someone who likes to take long walks together, and then even just play together wherever we may go!!


He's a 2 year old Pom/Shih Tzu mix. Yeah, ok, that was a weak attempt at some humor, but it's the best I could do before 6 am!

Have a great day everyone!

I am a big fan of the shorter the response, the better.

My intermediary would respond to WH's lengthy requests with "Fine." or "OK." Zero emotion, zero commentary...no fodder for the waywards to pick over.

"That is fine. To confirm, you will pick DD up on Thursday and I will pick her up at dance at 7:00."

That way, if he is just trying to pick at you, he's not getting any reaction. And if he's just dense, you are spelling it out for him in very simple language that any adolescent (which is what he is acting like) could understand.

You also have documentation in case there is every any question.

Question: Can't you have CS auto-deposited and done through the state? Is there a reason that he's giving you checks (that you have to rely on DD to deliver) instead of doing it through the bureaucracy?

I am SOOO glad to hear about the puppy. Getting a dog was the best decision I made in a LOOOONG time. She is so affectionate and has such a happy personality. I can't imagine not having her around, especially when the boys are gone. (I could live without the little piles of hair that accumulate, however. Yuck.)

Sorry to hear about Christmas break. I was just crabbing about my schedule to my mom last night, but after reading about your and sd's dilemmas, I am grateful that I won't have some of those same issues. In my case, ILs traditionally celebrate on Christmas Eve and my family on Christmas Day, so we had it specified as such in the agreement. No muss, no fuss, no bother. It's just the days during the break that will need to be negotiated.

Good luck with the potential new addition! Hope s/he is a sweetie!

Bugs:

I heard the perfect sermon this morning. Hebrews 12.
God corrects us because he is making us more holy.
We are going though these tough times because GOD wants us to be more like him.

Kindof like when we catch our children doing something we don't like and we let them know and give them time outs.

God is giving us our time out. He is reprofing us and making us more holy. And as long as we don't "faint" meaning give up, then we will see peace. We just have to be patient and wait while God finishes with us.

I have been so tempted to jump the gun. I met someone at my divorcecare group and I could easily give up and go on. That's not what God would like though. SO although this guy is handsome, strong, very curteous, polite, cooks, cleans and is a christian: I have to be patient and wait for God's timing. Same with you. Keep listening to God.


((((BUGS)))))

Hey Sis,

At this point with the CS, I can have Drac auto-deposit to my account through work, but haven't set it up yet. For someone who is SO against doing anything "thru the children" it surprises me that he is giving them the checks to pass to me. I will get to the auto depost thing next week and fix that.

Was out of town for 2 days,,,,and was asked out 'for drinks' while I was gone. I declined - I was already in my room & ready for bed. I know it would have been enjoyable, but I also had a big presentation early the next am. Mostly, though, I'm just not ready, even for 'just drinks'. Sad but true.

My plane did land in time for me to pick up DD from dance last night. Drac took her last week and asked about doing so for the coming future,,,, yet it was necessary for him to TM me last night to ask what time it started? And then another TM to be sure I was picking her up?? I gave the time and then simply said "pick up is covered'.

I had time to go by my house to drop off my bags and I 'think' Drac did a drive by. I had just finished something in my office and for some reason looked out the window. I live on a cul-de-sac and whoever it was drive down the street and turned right around & drove back. I didn't get much of a look, so maybe it wasn't him. Guess it doesn't really matter.

Have a LOT to do today, am going to try to work from home, go see another potential puppy. Romeo was sweet, but was much bigger than his picture - Too Big for what we want. I also have to figure out when/how I am getting DSS for the weekend. I have conference calls most of the day, so can't leave early like I usually do, which is too bad, because DSS doesn't have school today.

I called him last night when I was driving home & asked him where he would be today because he didn't have school. He said he didn't know. I was like "what"??? He said he'd just remembered to tell Drac he was off school that am, and he wasn't sure yet where he'd be today but he'd call me when he knew for sure.

I know it shouldn't surprise me, but why didn't DRAC know already that DSS didn't have school today? *I* KNEW!! UGH!

I know,,, let it go,,,, but that stuff ticks me off. Parents are supposed to be Parents. It's OUR job to know and plan for this stuff. Gee, so glad to know as Drac has pointed out, that *I* am the one that needs to get MY S$IT together!! LOL!

(((((BUGS)))))

Hey.. take it as a compliment.. he knows, acknowledges, and understands that you're the -real- parent here.

The one who keeps up with the kids schedules, makes sure that they're where they needs to be.

Seems to me he's comfy being a guest in their lives.

Not a great thought, but look at it this way.. -someday- that's going to come back and haunt him. Just another log to stoke the guilt fire when his relationship hits the rocks.

You can't be a Father -for- him... just like I can't be a mom for the Ice Queen.

Hope you enjoyed the trip (even if there were no drinks involved), and that it gave you some time to get your mind off this crap, even for a little bit.

What's Bugs doing for Bugs this weekend?

Bugs,

Just want you to know that I've followed your thread. I'm not one to offer any advice, but I'm here with you, cheering for you.

Hey Chai!

Morning! Thanks for stopping by and for the support!

I need to catch up completely on your thread,,,,I just haven't had a lot of time the last couple of weeks.


This morning I am taking DD and DSS to "interview" a little puppy that I met yesterday and think we are going to Rescue for DD's birthday. I just told her we had to go get one of her presents today because it is hard to wrap and she asked if it was a puppy!! Yesterday she told me - out of the blue - that she misses my sister's dog that is almost EXACTLY like the one I have picked out! Definately a sign to ME that he is the right one. I am SO excited!!

I took DD with me last night to pick up DSS from the Aunt's house. Seems Drac did not even call the Aunt to ask if he could send DSS there yesterday because there was no school. She didn't know anything til DSS showed up at her door yesterday am.

Drac called later in the day to see if I'd picked up DSS yet. Aunt let him know she was not happy about not getting called. Then they had some sort of discussion about DD's bday parties and her gifts. Long story short, Aunt told him she was not going to either party, but would send gifts to one or the other.

Drac's reply was that the gifts should "remain in the family". Her reply was that no matter which house (his or mine) she sent the gifts to, the WOULD still be in the family, that she told him "what? you think because you divorced Bugs that she's not family any more? She is and that little girl is our flesh & blood - they will both always be family".

WOW

She told him she felt their family is 'falling apart'. Drac replied that it has been falling apart for some time. Aunt replied "Yes, and YOU certainly pushed it and helped it fall apart even MORE with what YOU have done"

Obviously, Drac was not happy. Problem is that we all know that *I* will be blamed for this in Drac's eyes. No telling how he will try to take it out on me. Oh well, we all Know how a WS can't stand to hear the TRUTH. Too bad the Aunt wasn't so vocal MONTHS ago.

But, that is not my problem. It's still all in God's hands. maybe he'll use this now to speak more to Drac,,, maybe now is the right time for Drac to hear those things and maybe it all won't make a darn bit of difference.

While I 'hope' that it does,,,,,it's not a worry for me to own.

I had issues with DSS not listening and talking disrespectfully last night,,,,,,,,it got pretty bad but I held my ground and it was much better before the night was over. thank goodness! I won't have him talking to me and treating me like one of his 13yr old buddies, even though Drac lets him talk to HIM that way. It makes it tough on DSS, but he HAS to learn the difference and know that he must show parent and adults the proper RESPECT!

Gotta run and get in the shower,,,,,,,,,,we have a new arrival due today!!

Bugs:

DSS is a Little Mouthy?

Could be all that stability in his life, HUH?

Drac? Can I introduce you to "son of Drac?"

"I didn't create that!" & "It was "fill in the blanks" fault!"

So.

Keep being Mom as much as possible.

Post a picture of the new dog on the MB photo thread!

LG

SON OF DRAC...LOL... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Son of Drac - too funny!

It is rather Amazing, though, that once we get through the inital time together, DSS becomes the Dss I know and love again. Yes, all that stability! It comes to my house every other weekend with a smart mouth and dirty clothes! Had to wash the clothes he brought because they were all dirty! UGH.

After a mentally exhausting day, Beau has joined our family. He is about 10 lbs of love and just as sweet as can be. He seems to know what it means to live in a human house,,, no accidents, sleeps in bed with me or DD, does well on his leash, listens,,,,I am just SO in love with him already.

DD commented that she thinks he "loves her TOO much" as he tried several times to hump her last night! LOL!!

In the middle of the adoption process, Drac sent a TM asking me what I was getting DD for her birthday! I LOL!! Later when I had time, I replied I was getting her High School Musical "stuff".

He then replied "I would like to get her an iPod. What do you think?"

Well, I think NO 7 year old needs a $200 electronic anything. Also, he has no computer at home, which would mean Bugs would have to spend the time downloading music and paying for it - which I am NOT going to do.

So, I replied, "I think she is too young".

Which, of course, means that next weekend I expect DD to come home with an iPod. If I think it's not a good idea, I can almost guarantee Drac will do it. It's like that phone commercial that is on now - the one with the couple where the girl asks the guy his opinion and every time goes with the OPPOSITE of what he says! LOL!

DD called him last night. Got VM. He finally called back over an hour later. I had put the phone on vibrate because DSS was already asleep. Drac left vm that I let DD listen to, guess he said he was sorry he missed the call and that they could call him in the am. I ought to let them call right now!! LOL!!

Well, we have another BIG day. Birthday Party today! I am trying to focus on what I told DD last night - we are SO blessed! We have a GREAT home, a GREAT family, a GREAT new dog!!! I am going to stay so busy that I don't notice the hole that remains in my heart with Drac not being here with us.

Sounds like you're doing GREAT Bugs <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

That hole keeps getting smaller and smaller as we fill it up with other things doesn't it?

You keep your head up, your feet on the ground, and let God and your kids fill any emptiness in your heart. You're in my prayers.

((((Bugs))))

Bugs:

Are you more interested in keeping up with Drac in the gift area?

Will your 7 year old lose/break the Ipod? Maybe, maybe not. It is YOUNG for something that is SO easy to misplace.

Will you have to download the songs? No. That's YOUR Choice. Have DD ask her father for a credit card number to pay for the songs. And let DD learn how to do it. You do not have to. You might also send Drac another email. Ipod is OK. But it needs to stay at Drac's house. So if someting goes wrong, it's not at your House. I mean, your gift, the dog, is staying at your house, right? And since Drac only gets a couple of days, the odds of something going wrong with the Ipod at your house is alot greater. Heck, simple MP3 players are $50.

BTW: IF the Ipod comes to your house, make sure all your Virus software, and firewalls are up-to-date. The Apple site is ok, but there is plenty of bad stuff out there.

Let me give you an another example.

My DS is 15 now. We bought him a cell phone. Son and I bought the one with the double flip and QWERTY keyboard. AND it cost $100 more than the basic phone. Which is what DW and I discussed. We assumed a RAZR phone for DS. But this was $100 more.

DW thinks.... WHY did you BUY that ONE? He will Just lose it, or break IT!

Maybe. Maybe Not. But isn't that a DJ to your son?

It been four months. Still going strong.

Sometimes it is the viewpoint.

I would be more disappointed in the dirty clothes and potty mouth of DSS. That is more an indicator of a failure of parenting.

This is the age that DSS WILL turn into a MAN. And his greatest influence? Is busy elsewhere. Tragic.

Nice that the AUNT finally spoke up. But only when she was inconvienced. "Well, all that splitting up families stuff is between you two, can't say anything about THAT. But NOW that DRAC ASSUMES that DSS can hang at her house, now we read him the riot act."

Too little, too late.

Have fun with the dog. Brings your new house to more of the sanctuary that you NEED it to be.

Kind of harsh in this post. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Sorry. I really did not mean to be. Just wanted to comment on a couple of the issues in your thread.

Overall? I think you are doing great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Do not know what is up with DRAC. I still think he would fall all over himself to have you back.

But you would have to be the one to drop your GUARD. And let him in. And you have already done that. All thru plan A.

And you stated quite clearly what he needed to do in your plan B letter. IF, and thats a big IF, he has done some of the things requested, it wouldn;t be that big a step to get back with you. But you know, each journey begins with the first step.

And HE has to make this one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Just my .02

Enjoy the birthday party! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

(((BUGSMOM))) (((BUGS)))

LG

Hey LG!

I didn't take your post as being too harsh, just honest observations on your part. And, as usual, good observations.

I already decided that whether Drac buys the iPod or not is his choice. He asked me what I "thought".

I told him what I thought.


From there it's not for me to say any more. He will do what he will do.


Does it make any sense for me to send an email with further explaination of my decision. Maybe. Maybe not.

I know I shouldn't, but I think of how Drac would interpret that email. Would he take it as a sign of my wanting to be friendly co-parents? Because I still do not want that. I know it may be wrong of me,,, but that is how I feel.

I am not one for playing the "keeping up" game when it comes to the kids,,,, as the KIDS are the ones that end up losing in that game. They don't need to be "bought". They DO need good parents who are there, who teach them the important lessons of life, who are THERE for them in every way. That is what I am most concerned with.

The puppy did GREAT today. He was the perfect gentleman to all of our guests. No accidents either! When needed a break, he went and lay down on my bed. As DD & I said this morning, God had a plan for him to be in our family!! We just had to be patient for the plan to come together.

The party went really well. Fun was had by all. Bugs is EXHAUSTED!! I still have to take DSS home in a little while. I am sure DD is going to sleep on the way there and probably the way home, too!

She was a good little hostess, too!

I need another day off to recover!! Think I will schedule that next year.

As for Drac,,,, yes, the first step needs to be made by Him. I have total doubt that he will ever take it, but I am still hopeful.

He has ended things with the HO,,,,but probably has had/still has others on the line since then. His ending it with her has/had nothing to do with wanting any reconciliation with me. So, really, he's done nothing specific to my Plan B letter requests.

As you say, I 'could' let my guard down and I think it would not be too difficult to garner his attention. But, I don't want it that way. I want/need/require HIM to take that first step.

Gotta run,,,,time to gather up DSS's stuff for the drive.

Thanks for checking in!

YOU GOT IT, GIRL!!!

Absolutely STAY DARK on HIM!!

I still see him as using BUGS to (TRY) to CATCH you...

THE FISH AIN'T BITING!!!

He can buy her whatever he wants to...

LOL... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

BUGS;

Just my opinion, but I think you've been a little too open and friendly. Not really Plan B anymore, KWIM?

A lot of times a BS will take peek out of Plan B -- to see if the WS is still wayward, ya know? But, you're way past the peek. He's not using your intermediary anymore. He feels free to text you anytime he wants.

He's still looking to you to fill the domestic support need - like running things about the kids by you, pick ups drop offs, etc. Not dark anymore.

He's not going to hit bottom that way.

So, if you're not going be in a true Plan B. Then go divorce busting on him. IMO (again, just my opinion) he will react VERY strongly to you dating; or thinking that you are....

My vote is for staying in the PLAN B mode.

I think he wants you to start dating for further justification given his comment to Bugs about you out "partying"..

And I happen to know that the Harleys don't favor the Divorce Busting approach and you know about me and the Harleys..

Hey Lexxxy & Mimi!

Well, I am certainly not in a total dark Plan B, that's obvious. I did give up the strictness of it with the D going through.

I don't know anything about 'divorce busting' at all to say any of it is good or bad.

What I can tell you is about what happened tonight and ask for opinions,,,, which I sorely need.

We took DSS home. It was dark by that time. We said our goodbyes and the kids went in the house. I always allow DD to go in and say hi to Drac. I sat in the car, parked with the front to the road, ready to pull out when DD came out.

I wasn't paying attention - I was jamming to a cd, tapping the steering wheel and dancing a bit in my seat. I glance back, and there is DD almost to the car and Drac is RIGHT BESIDE HER WALKING TO THE CAR!

He was carrying something. I turned back to face the front and waited for him to let DD into the car. He didn't close the door, so I looked back again and he was holding up an old metal file box of mine, looking at me and says, "Do you want this?"

I replied, "Put it in the trunk". I turned back facing forward, popped the trunk, and stayed facing forward until the back car door was closed after he put the box in the trunk and said goodbye to DD.

She had a problem with her seat belt, so I had to turn on the light and help her. I got her buckled in and then started to pull out. She rolled down her window and called goodbye to him. He wasn't yet to the house, which means he had to have stood there watching us.

I just do not know what to think or what to say,,,,,,,,,,,,,anyone have ANY thoughts on this?

I'm going to take a bit before I comment.

Oh yeah, he's itching for a Bugs fix and really pushing the envelope with you. I'll let the pros advise you though because my wrong instinct would have been to follow my heart, and I think that would have been a defeating move for you at this point.

I'm thinking..write him a PLAN DIVORCE letter...spelling it all out for him...I'M NOT GONNA BE YOUR FRIEND, etc...

Let him know ON WHAT TERMS that YOU CAN "DATE"...

Of course, you are now FREE to "DATE" anyone you want to...

But, if it were me, if it was my X-HUSBAND who divorced me for another woman, the terms AGAIN would be a NC LETTER...

BTW..I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE IT that you were JAMMIN' IN THE CAR...

Mimi..whose H is always telling her to "TURN THE MUSIC DOWN in your car"....

Oh, the GLAMOUROUS LIFE OF GODDESSES!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />