Happy New Year, Bugs

Like I told Sis, 2008 is going to be so much better! Guaranteed.

Happy New Year Bugs,

(((Hugs)))

Still

Happy New Year everyone.

Glad to finally mark that last day/holiday off the calendar. It was a tough night. Had a decent time w/the family. DD & I came home early. Bless her heart, she wanted to stay up for the New Year,,but didn't make it.

As usual, I spent it alone. He was 'out', which hurt, as I loved New Year's Eve parties and he never wanted to go out on New Year's with me. More often than not, he'd go to sleep and I'd bring in the New Year alone. So, I guess it wasn't all that different in that way this year. Though, like James, I'd love to have had him beside me on the couch with our kids asleep in the same house with us.

Sigh.

I'm going to ask DD if she'd like to go ice skating today. I have done it once in about 25 years. Last year went with us once and it was really nice.

Gotta run,,,DD is ready for breakfast.

Is it an inside or outside rink?

Have a great first day of January

Good morning.

DD chose not to go ice skating - we have choices of either inside or outside rinks,,,but it was waaay too cold to even consider an outside rink.

Instead we played at home. Found a fun website game about horses that she loved, went to a movie, then out to eat at BK where they had a playground, then home for a dog bath and more playing & movies.

Talked to my Mom who commented about how terribly insecure DD was on New Year's Eve. Since she returned from being with Drac, I haven't been able to be more than 3 ft away from her for more than 5 min. at a time. We agreed that we need to wait and see how she is once we get back into the routine with school, etc and see how she does then.

She has always been Mommy's girl, but has never been clinging like this and I am concerned. I won't hesitate to get her into counseling. I talked to the school counselor at the beginning of the year about our sitch, as well as her teacher, and they have been keeping an eye on her at school,,,,,but we didn't want to make a huge deal about it if it wasn't necessary - - no need to 'create' an issue where there wasn't one. I'm afraid now that there may be one.

She told me several times yesterday (in addition to every day since she returned home) how she did not want to see Drac tonight (his usual visitation night). She asked to call him last night earlier than normal, and I said OK. She told Drac that she did not want to see him tonight. I didn't listen to the conversation, but I do know that the call was extremely short.

I am sure that his feelings were hurt. He more than likely blames ME in some way, but that's not mine to own. HIS R with her is his responsibility. I can not fix it for them. All I can do is try to help HER as best I can.

I'm not offically working today, but need to ck in on email and vm.

Have a great day everyone.

(((Bugs)))

Yup.. was a tough holiday all around, but it sounds like you handled yourself well.

Simply embrace the day as one day closer to God's promise that he will not let his faithful suffer, and that even our pain and grief is to serve His greater purpose for our lives.

We have these opportunities to learn about ourselves.. even if that learning is that we are stronger people than we thought we were.. and getting stronger every day for what we go through.

Walk the path of righteousness with your head held high, and place your hand in the Lords, and let Him lead you.. You will not be dissapointed.

Good job owning what is yours and letting Drac have what is his.

Just wondering how the "non-visit" went.
I think its great she felt strong enough to tell her dad she didn't want to see him. I think its a taste of things to come for him....
Expect him to punish you for it....
Find ways to prevent him from doing that....

Will this vacation be for you and DD, or will DSS be allowed to come too? Have you started planning yet???

Hey BuGs, I can't believe she ACTUALLY said something to him...

((((BUGS))))

It's tough watching the damage...



I don't know what else to say today...it's been so busy here at work, and then yesterday...so I'm here again, showing my support! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi everyone.

Thanks for checking in. Well, the consensus IRL is in. From Drac to every family member and friend I have there is total agreement - -

#1. I should have told Drac about DD not wanting to visit instead of letting her tell him
#2. I need to find a way to communicate with Drac about the kids
#3. It's not 'fair', but I need to be the bigger person and put aside all of my personal pain to do what is right for DD
#4. I need to just let it all go, it's time to move on and start talking to him
#5. It's only 'natural' based on Drac not knowing what's going on with DD that he would assume that I've coached her not to see him and it is all an effort on my part to keep her away from him and deny him his rights

Yep, it's been a cake walk these last 2 days.

I am only concerned with 1 thing, and that's my baby girl. I want only to do what is best for her.

Oh, of course the fact that Drac is taking me back to court over the sale of the property proceeds is another nice minor detail.

Whoo hoo! So to celebrate all of this fun, I'm having a glass of champagne left over from New Years. Thank goodness I have a great stopper that keeps in the bubbles!

I found my favorite kitchen towel yesterday that has my favorite Bette Davis Quote -

"There comes a time in a woman's life when the ONLY thing that helps is a glass of champagne"

That's me tonight!

The lesson in this is to do what YOU want to do...


POWER TO THE GODDESSES!!

Well, Mimi in that regard I can say so far so good!

I AM doing what I want to right this minute. Having a glass of champagne and unwinding.

I firmly made the decision this morning to turn this over to God. I will continue to pray about it until I have an answer. THEN and only then will I do anything or,,,,nothing. Depending on what the answer is.

Thanks for the Goddess Support!

Bugsy, what do YOU think is right for your DD? Not even OUR opinion matters here. It matters most what you believe to be true, not to be EASY, but to be true. Would communicating directly with DRAC make a world of a difference?

YOu could also pose this question to your friends and family, asking HOW they believe this will save your daughter the issues she is going to have to deal with stemming from this divorce. Do they believe that YOU talking to DRAC will really help, or if your daughter learning how to communicate with her father will help? If there is an emergency, either physical or emotional, won't DRAC be made aware? If your DD needs counseling, won't DRAC be made aware, and be given details as to his participation? If so, then why the need for DIRECT communication? If you use the intermediary, you can tell DRAC all about your daughters problems.

When my DS was having his emotional turmoil, I let PWC know. I let him know about the counseling I was looking into, let him know the things that DS was saying and doing, and let it go, not looking for a response, but looking to inform his father of his issues.

In my life, when I was in Plan B, nobody understood, but rarely did anyone discourage me either, and if they did, I respectfully chose to tell them that I would discuss my life with them no further.


As for the champagne, I, too, have one of those nifty little stoppers, which I loooooove.

Never let them get you down, Bugsy. Never.

AND SO THERE...Spoken just like MY SL SISTER GODDESS...RIGHT ON! RIGHT ON! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I had to do that a couple of times. Those relationships are not strained today, probably because I spoke up, and drew that line in the sand. I will not be bullied. Some people didn't understand why PWC wasn't 'kicked to the curb', and some STILL don't understand.

Only I have the answers, and only I have to live this life. It's MY LIFE, and as Frank says "I'll do it my way".

This [email]CR@POLA[/email] just pisses me off. Grown people, pushing their own agenda, just so they can live in more comfort, instead of thinking hard on what the right thing might be, and looking at the situation from all angles. It's like posting here, if I am not even close to educated enough on a certain subject, I don't respond. I read along to other responses so that I can learn, but I keep my mouth shut.

SL,

Thanks sweetie! What you said makes a whole lot of sense to me, and really is what I've been thinking about all day.

So often I start to say to people IRL, "Well, the BEST thing for DD is to have her family INTACT", but knowing the platitudes I would get in response, I bite my tongue.

I know that we all struggle the fine line of knowing that there is a way to restore our M, keeping that bit of love/hope alive, when the entire world (mostly the WS) are saying otherwise and thinking we are CRAZY for having an ounce of hope or even Desire to try to fix things with the WS.

Up until now, I've had few actively discourage me from Plan B. Now, it's as if I have reached the expiration date & it's the magical hour of 'time to be friendly for DD's sake".

Drac does need to know more about what she's doing, how's she's feeling, and what seems to be going on. That can be done without us being 'friendly' - IMHO. I can supply the facts. What he does with them is up to him.

Up until now, the few times I've tried to bring up concerns, he's dismissed them as being about "me". That's the thing,,,,, that no matter WHAT I do or HOW I do it in this regard, it's going to be turned back on me. I think the opinion is that 'talking' to him will lessen that probability. I disagree.

The only thing *I* see about talking to him about it is that it makes it easier on HIM and harder on me.

At least that's where I am at the moment.

What about YOU, Bugsy?

Why do your have to put everyone else FIRST?

People are casting you in the SUPERWOMAN ROLE like YOU don't matter or that YOU don't count.

It seems so DISRESPECTFUL of you and INSENSITIVE.

And I DON'T THINK it's BEST for your DD for you to be FRIENDS with him...

I'm not even going THERE right now...

Yeah, what Mimi said.

YOU MATTER.

How is you being friends with DRAC going to help your daughter and DRAC? Only they can help themselves, with you helping DD in how to better communicate and face her own fears, and give her all the loving support you can give to her.

I know that you know these answers, Bugsy, but I wonder if you might want to communicate these things to the croud of THEY that are pushing this so hard.

Thanks ladies!

I think it's not that 'they' don't value me, but rather view the sitch as one where they know that Drac is not capable of understanding and seeing what DD is going through without my help. That it is unfair to a 7yr old to be in the position she is in and that it is my responsibility to run interference for her. I know it's not intentional disrespect of me on their part.

While she didn't say much about it last night, DD did mention that Drac started in with her last night about 'what does she want to change about the current arrangement' and told her how much he really, really wants to spend time with her.

He doesn't understand that what she needs most is not questions but rather for him to make it feel 'safe' for her to share her feelings with him. And that is not something he will accept hearing from ME. It would be 'old Bugs' telling Drac what to do,,,,treating him like a child and I'm not going to do it. It would accomplish nothing.

So,,,am continuing to pray for guidance. We'll see how the weekend goes. DSS will be here.

Mom told me yesterday that she is going to call the kids and then come take them shopping this weekend for them to buy me a birthday gift, as we all know that Drac won't do it. She doesn't want them to feel bad to have my birthday come around and for them to have nothing to give me. I almost cried when she told me that.

It was a tough night. I didn't sleep well. I dreamt that I was living in a different house and that we were robbed. It was horrible. I was thinking the other day that since I am technically renting for now, I need to get some renter's insurance, so guess my subconcious was reminding me to get that done! First phone call I'll be making this morning for sure!

Time for a shower.

Perhaps a good way to get them to back off would say - "so you bought his story hook line and sinker - I'm not playing. This is my daughter we're talking about and my step son. I'm doing what's best for them and I'm not going to explain to people on HIS side instead of theirs. I know what I'm doing; and I'm working with the best advisors in the business." Then walk away and let them stew on it. If they try to draw you in - just say "Let's stay on good terms and talk about something else." That warns them that the subject isn't up for discussion.

Don't EVER put yourself in a situation where they can invade your Plan B as Drac Proxies.

Kayla,

Thanks for the suggestion!

What I am really struggling with is family members. Who I totally love and respect.

I don't have time right now to go into it, but will try to post later. I have to get DD ready for school