(sorry I missed your update last week....)


major breech of Plan B.....hmmmm.

are you really in Plan B?
You are receiving and sending emails to Drac. You are sending and receiving text messages from Drac.

How does your Plan B work? And why would sharing this information breach it when you are communicating with him all the time anyway?

(sorry...little 2x4)

Bugs....if you're not really going to do Plan B.
Then do Plan FU.

He's asked for your input. Blast him with it.
Be factual. List out all the things you listed above.
No Bio-mom.
Drac self absorbed.
Drac not following through.
DSS struggling with loss of Bugs.
DSS dealing with divorce.
Suggest family counseling....

Does DSS's counselor share anything? I've never had my kids in counseling so I'm not clear on whether they can share with parents...???

Bugs,
Why not just use what you've learned and implement those things into your relationship with DSS. It is likely, that whatever you share with DRAC won't be put into affect anyway. He is still with his A partner and that is his focus. Just do what you can do for DSS and leave Drac to God. He chose to D you, and what comes along with that is the consequences he has to face. You aren't neglecting DSS, you are doing research to help him with his problem. Drac has to take responsibility for himself now..its no longer your job to do that. Let him go Bugs. Remember, you can only control yourself. As long as you do whats in DSS best interest from your side of things, that is all that is expected of you.

Just ask yourself, what difference will it really make to Drac at this point?

Robertswife,

Your post really states what I originally determined myself.

THEN,,, I started to wonder. It is hard to explain. The best way I can explain it is that I wondered if handling it as you describe (and how I want to handle it) is "enough".

When I look back years from now will I be able to say that I did ALL I could for DSS. Will I be satisfied with my efforts or will I realize that there was MORE I should have done.

Thanks for your input. It does help to know that others see it as I initially did.

sorry if I made you mad.


Here is a great website for kids with ADHD etc.

www.conductdisorders.com

Lexxy,

Sweetie, I am NOT mad! I just totally missed your post yesterday! I was on the Blackberry, so when I clicked on my thread, it took me to the most recent post which was from Robertswife and I TOTALLY missed your first post.

I do have email/tm from him regarding the kids only. So, 2x4 accepted.

I am considering your Plan FU idea. No matter how I'd go about it, it would be considered very "Old Bugs" by Drac and viewed as old Bugs to pointing out to him how "wrong" he is. It would be like trying to educate him about the A, which isn't very likely to be accepted or to make a difference.

Thanks for the link! I'm going to check it out.

Gotta get ready for the day. I have court this am about a traffic incident last year. Yuck.

It's off to court Monday morning.

I've been amazed that I haven't been worried or constantly thinking about seeing Drac in court on Monday. In fact, it's really only on my mind now because of a reminder from my A yesterday about it coming up on Monday.

I know that the 'facts of the case' are in my favor, and God is on my side and handling it all. There is nothing for me TO worry about. Yes, it will be the first true 'face to face' with Drac in 7 months, but even that doesn't have me rattled as it used to.

I have a FABULOUS suit I bought for a corporate work meeting, so I'll be in Full Goddess Form,,,, looking good and feeling confident.

Plus, Drac is still Drac. He's in full A mode and will be for who knows how long,,,,,,,,,,,perhaps forever.

I realized a few weeks ago that I HAVE to stop giving him even a tiny bit of power in my life. And, that includes TALKING about him. I realized that so often people would ask how I was doing or what was going on in MY life - I would respond with things about me AND I'd almost always make some mention of what Drac is up to. No more.

Yes, his actions impact the kids, but I need to let those things lie where they belong, which is in His Lap. I no longer make mention of him at all around the kids. If they bring something up about him, I keep any comment to a minimum (if I comment at all) and then change the subject.

Yes, I do have to deal with 'stuff' because of him. Such as court, and the fact that he isn't paying his 1/2 of extra cirricular activies for DD. I sent him copies of receipts for her dance, gymnastics and softball sign up and he has yet to pay his part. I figured I'd just wait and talk to my attorney about it on Monday. Let her handle it.

So, yes I am still stuggling on the letting go,,,,but it is getting better. Slowly. With a lot of prayer! Every time something pops in my head about him or what he's doing I am hearing that little voice reminding me to "Let go. Let God".

Of course the little devil on my shoulder is still trying to whisper in the other ear with reminders of the pain, reminders of the hate I feel for the Ho, pointing out HER continued involvement with my kids, trying to plant worries/doubts/pain, and trying to tell me that I could "do" something to try to impact the situation.

I am doing so much better at just turning my head and blowing that little devil off my shoulder! He's holding on hard, but he actually goes away for very long periods at a time.

Then I am feeling the peace of being where I need to be. It is a beautiful thing.

Am going out with friends tonight, shopping tomorrow, quilting with Mom & Grandma tomorrow night (yes, what a wild single Sat. night that will be), and church on Sunday.

Keep those cards & prayers coming for me on Monday!! I know that whatever the outcome, I'm fine with it,,,,,,,,,,,,but it sure would be nice to WIN!!

Bugsy:

Wow. Just WOW.

(((BUGSY)))

LG

Bugs,

I haven't posted to you in a really long time, but I did want to share something with you.

My father left my mother for his OW a month before their 25th wedding anniversary, he was 43 years old. in 2005 my father passed away suddenly at the age of 63. He was married to W #3 and his current OW secretly showed up at the funeral. (We found out about her when she gave my grandmother a note about her relationship with my father).

He never got out of the WS mindframe and the best thing my mother did was move on with her life. She ended up marrying a really great guy and they have been married almost 20 years.

I guess my point is, the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is live your life to the fullest. It's Drac's loss and the sad part is he may never even realize it. I know my father never did.

I hope my post doesn't sound harsh it isn't meant to be. He doesn't deserve you and/or all the energy you are wasting on him.

LC

Hey Bugs, thanks for stopping by. I continue to draw strength from you so that I can make it through this thing.

Oh, and my atty called WH's atty and told her that there is no need to get the police involved in this D.

I wonder if anyone can recover after such an ugly mess. Beginning to wonder if I even want to.....

I'm glad to see that you are doing so well. Keep updating us as you are a great role model!!

What a great realization and so true. But easier said than done.

This is AWESOME. I need to learn how to do this. Thank you for this WISDOM.

When you walk in that court on Monday, not only will you be the most confident and awesome GODDESS, but you will have so MANY of us with you in your pocket, loving you and praying for you. You're right. With G-d on your side, you are in the best position possible.

YOU ARE AMAZING AND A TRUE GODDESS TO BE ADMIRED.

Thanks so much you guys!!

It's so great to come here and get such loving support.

Morning all!

Well, today is the day. I see Drac in court at 9 a.m. I’ve really not thought too much about it this weekend. I went out Friday night with friends and had a great time. Saturday I worked around the house, went shopping with Mom, and took Bo for a haircut. Church and quilting on Sunday. A quiet, but good weekend.

The kids spent the weekend at the Ho’s house. Ugh. DD came home in the same clothes that she left in,,,and they were dirty. Seems she had to attend a birthday party for one of the Ho’s friend’s kids and the Ho bought her clothes to wear. Drac made her change back to her own clothes before coming home. The truth is, that was a good move on his part because I don’t want her coming home in anything she bought.

Despite my best efforts to stay out of their lives & drama, apparently I’m still a part of it whether I like it or not. First the clothes thing, and today is court. No matter how it comes out today, they’ll see this as being a ‘win’ or ‘loss’ against me. More drama to feed their A.

Well, for me, no matter what happens today, I’m walking out of that courtroom just Fine! My life does not hinge on the outcome of the judge’s decision and frankly, it has very little impact on my life at all. It’s in God’s hands and I’m fine with whatever happens.

I know when I walk out of there (and even when I walk in), I have what I need. I have my God, kids, my family, and a good life ahead. He walks in and out of there with a future built on lies, deceipt, the pain of his kids & family on which he is trying to build a life with the Ho. No matter what happens, that foundation will never stand. Someday he will feel the pain of his choices.

I just keep praying and trusting. I know the Lord will turn whatever happens to something for my good if I just trust in him to do so. I’m leaning NOT on my own understanding, but on Him. He has a plan. I Do hope oh so much that it includes taking the Ho out of our lives forever,,,,,,,,,,,, and I really am hoping it is soon!!!

I am going to make my Goddess preparations! I’ll check back with you all later. Keep those prayers coming!!

his is awesome insight.

My prayers and thoughts are with you. Good luck.

I want to hear everything...

WONDERFUL, BUGSY!!

Continuing to keep you in my prayers...

I'm thinking about you Bugs... Check in with us and let us know how you are doing.

I hope court went well today, Bugs. If you can, take the win/loss part out of it, because thinking about winning and losing will only mess with your head. They can't win, and everyone has already lost. You already know this, of course.

Court is probably a big trigger, so remember to take care of yourself tonight (and tomorrow, et al).

(((Bugs)))

Thanks for checking on me everyone!


Sorry for the 'update' delay,,,, work was very busy with some emergencies when I got back.

Ok, to paint the scene - -


Typical cold blustery day in a typical large city Downtown area,,,,,,,,and Bugs forgets her coat.

Buurrrrr!

Yet Bugs is totally unfazed by this, as her totally Goddess Suit looks fabulous and should not be hidden under a coat anyway. So she finds a parking spot and walks the 2 blustery blocks to the court house.

Upon entering and walking to security, the security guard inquires "Are you an Attorney?" so, obviously the suit is working and Bugs is looking confident!! whoo hoo! Cell phone had to be left at the security desk,,,,,,,I forgot it has a camera & no cameras are allowed in court. No problem. I head on up to my floor and am pretty early so am just hanging out in the hallway waiting.

My attorney comes in about 2 minutes before 10 am. We go right into the courtroom where the judge is still finishing up the previous case. Drac is not there. Drac's attorney is not there. Judge finishes up and calls my case. My attorney lets him know we are there and they are not. The judge does a few other items relating to other cases. My attorney calls Drac's attorney's office. They say he's at court. My attorney tells me that I look GREAT,,,,and she feels bad that here she is with her client looking better than the attorney! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Finally his attorney comes in 15 minutes late. Drac is not in attendance. I am sitting in the gallery seats. Calm, cool and collected. Not even a hint of a drop of sweat was on my entire person. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

So, the hearing begins. Lots of back and forth between the judge & the attorneys. Then the typical back and forth between just the attorneys. By now, I am all alone in the gallery. Just me, the court clerk and the policeman sitting listen to them argue. For 45 minutes.

Then, the judge lets Drac's attorney that his motion is denied. Further discussion ensues,,,,,Drac's attorney informs the judge of his intent to appeal the ruling, so they then have to go "On the Record" and re-state what was said already. That took another 15 minutes.

So, they have 10 days in which to decide if they are going to file an appeal. This is on Drac now, as it is going to cost him to file, cost him to request transcripts, etc. He'll need to decide if it is worth it. If they don't file in 10 days, the $$ is mine. If they do file, then it's just a matter of time more time waiting for my $$. No real skin off my back.

My attorney and I walked out together. We chatted for a bit. We were talking about the paperwork,,,and that normally SHE always drafts the documents that involve her clients so that she can be sure that they are correct and she was trying to remember WHY she didn't in this case. Then she did remember,,,,,,Drac's attorney still had $$ in his retainer that he hadn't used and he asked her if he could draw up the papers in order to use up the $$ left in the retainer that Drac had already paid him. Nice guy, don't ya think?

Today's Ruling goes to Bugs. Who knows what tomorrow will bring? Whatever it brings, I know I'll be ok.

I don't feel the need to celebrate. I don't feel let down about any of it either, and I am neutral on him not being there. He's lost in the wastelands of the continued affair, trying desperately to convince himself and everyone else how he's Better now, happier now, his future is so bright & wonderful, and he's made ALL the right decisions. Well, good for him. He'll end up with exactly what he deserves.

And, so shall I.

Of course, I realize that today's event's make me even more the Evil Ex-Wife. Which I just Love! You all know the Horrible things I've done since he chose to commit adultery, right?! I mean being a loving wife who tried desperately to save her marriage and her family,,,,,,How DARE I tell him that we could work things out? He should be OUTRAGED that I continued to profess and show him my love!! That I would forgive him and work to make a BETTER marriage than we had before??? That is just HORRENDOUS!! How could
any man possibly put up with such a woman??!!!

And to top it all off, here I am expecting him to abide by the terms of a divorce that only HE wanted, which HE drew up, and which HE signed? Well that is simply outragous!! How could any judge allow me to do this to him? It's an abomination!

How's that for some great FogSpeak?? he he!

The suit I am wearing is black & white. DD told me this morning that she liked my suit, but that I looked like Cruella DeVille (101 Dalmations). I said GREAT!!! Mommy has an important meeting today, and feeling like Cruella might be a Good thing! LOL!

I figure if I expect the worst from him, I won't ever be disappointed when it's better than expected.

I really do feel good. SD, as u said, I did not really go into this thinking so much in terms of winning/losing. It was going to be what is was going to be.

A tiny step towards me acceptance for me, I guess.

I AM IN AWE....

SIMPLY AMAZING AND I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

YOU DESERVED THIS TODAY.... G-D BLESSED YOU GIRL....

MAZEL TOV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUUUUUGGGGSSSYYYYYYY!!!!

My role model!!! You are awesome girlfriend.

Queenie, take note. We'll get there too someday.

Bugsy:

You are the goddess!

Did you have on Red Shoes?> Ms. Deville

LG

Ah, thanks everyone!

I had such peace yesterday, it was truly amazing. Even without the Red Cruella shoes (I stuck with black Goddess heels), I felt in control of myself, my life, and I didn't feel it necessary to try to 'control' the situation. Hmm, an interesting place to be and I liked it.

It must be a very good thing, because last night boy was I ever attacked in my dream! Yikes, I had one of the most horrible of my life. DSS intentionally hurt himself and ended up in the hospital. I had to walk in with Drac & the Ho in attendance. I was SO scared, hurt & ANGRY. I did a total Plan FU to Drac. It was unbelievable. I woke up for about an hour before I was able to go to sleep again.

I realize it was an attack on the peace that I had found yesterday. Once I realized that and put it away in it's place, I was able to sleep peacefully again.

So, yes - I am making great progress, but it is still a battle. Glad it's one I don't have to fight alone! I was just reading Proverbs this morning. Chp 14:14 The faithless will be fully repaid for their ways, and the good man rewarded for his.

So I continue to stand and delight in the promises of God who is always faithful. It is His to handle.

For me, I have a full day ahead. Lots to do with work & tonight gymnastics for DD/workout for Mom.

I'll try to ck in with everyone's threads later. Have a great day all!