SG, I'm curious -- Once you exposed, did your WW's affair crumble, as she came gratefully crying back into your waiting arms?

"Exposing" once you're already divorcing strikes me as kicking and hissing at the barn door after the horse has already left. Pointless, but maybe it made you feel better.

But I'd sure like to know if your plan worked!

SS, you have a completely unrealistic viewpoint of exposure so I am not sure where you are going with this. Exposure is a good thing for all concerned. Rarely does it ever result in a "crumbling affair" and the wayward "gratefully crying back into your waiting arms.." In fact, i have never seen a wayward who was initially "grateful" for exposure. NEVER. So you are setting a ridiculous, manufactured standard in the first place.

Shining the light on bad behavior is a good thing. It is good for the affairees becuase they are forced to face the consequences, and in this case, it is good for her company so they can protect themselves from potential legal liability. You have a very warped, wayward view of exposure.

"If you do NOT want to be married to this person, and your intention is to never EVER again see/be involved with her, then re-evaluate. Someone here posts a signature line something like: "Vengeance is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." (I just can't remember who that is)"

sweetso are you assuming that the only two possible motives for exposure are marriage reconciliation or revenge?

There are consequences of choices. Nobody is under any obligation to protect adulterers from the consequences of their selfish, immoral choice.

It's a well-known fact that adulterers don't care what they inflict on their betrayed spouses and children! The adulterers are the ones who make the sleazy choice, who turn their hearts and heads away from dealing with the damage they inflict on those who should have been able to trust them, and then shamelessly whine if/when there are any consequences to themselves!

IMHO if adulterers are so sure they have found their 'soulmate' (oh grow up!), that their adultery is somehow acceptable, then why the heck do they whine so much about exposure? The truth is even they, somewhere deep under the fog, know what they are doing is not something they can be proud of.

Any HR rep with a lick of sense would greatly appreciate such info as it does relate to many issues such as company security, ethics, possible accusations of favoritism or sexual harrassment.

And anyway, since the adulterers feel they are entitled to do whatever sleazy thing they want to with each other, then who are they to try to dictate to others, least of all the betrayed, who THEY can talk to and about what!!!!!

is what I think this turkey of a situation is all about ... The guy isn't about protecting her employer, he's about crowing how she's hated by God and about punishing his wife (read the posts).


I'm sure this is absolutely true, but the wife had been taking the OM "around to her family" so I very much doubt the affair was a surprise to HR, or the place of employment. She seemed to be pretty confident.

A losing situation all around. And at this point, I doubt he'll be back.

And you are about giving bad advice based on your lack of perspective about exposure. Exposure is a good thing for all involved, you view it as "punishment."


Then exposure shouldn't be an issue, right? So what are you whining about?

SB, you seem to think you know an awful lot about the way HR and senior management (as in VP and CEO levels) work. As someone who works VERY closely (as in last week, I was in our US CEO and VP of HR's offices more than once) with these two groups in a VERY large corporation, I can assure you, it is very likely it WAS a surprise to HR and management. I regularly oversee investigations in which two employees (usually a supervisor and a subordinate) are allegedly having an affair. More often than not, the allegations are substantiated and one or both of the employees terminated for various reasons including the supervisor/subordinate relationship, using corporate resources to advance the affair and lying during the course of an investigation. One particular case completely disproves your belief. In that instance, my office received a complaint that a supervisor and subordinate were having an affair and it was affecting the workplace. I assigned it to HR to investigate. HR was in complete disbelief that the allegations could be true. They interviewed a number of employees including the two, alleged affair partners who denied any sort of relationship beyond supervisor/subordinate. HR was all set to close the case when I instructed them to pull the supervisor's and subordinate's e-mail accounts. HR was completely shocked to discover that yes, in fact, the two employees were having an affair and it was right there, plain as day in their e-mail accounts. Both employees were terminated, immediately.

HR and senior management DO NOT know everything that goes on in a work place. That is why many companies now have corporate compliance offices and ethics & compliance helplines that employees can use anonymously to report what HR and senior management do not/cannot see.

SB, I have read all of your posts since you began posting here on MB and I am truly concerned that you are not supporting MB principles (of which exposure is a very important one). Instead, I see you advancing some other agenda that certainly is not interested in helping our fellow MB-er's recover the marriages.

BB

"So ... she must have been really unhappy for a very, VERY long time."

More likely she's just plain old immoral.

Unhappiness is no excuse. Sleazing is not exactly a mature remedy for unhappiness. But maybe you aren't anti-revenge after all? Do you think that hurting your spouse with adultery is a good way to get even if you feel unhappy?

Immoral people make immoral choices for lots of reasons: selfishness, insensitivity, immaturity, sociopathic tendencies, expecting to be shielded from the consequences...

It's not only wrong to blame the betrayed, it's inaccurate.

IMHO it sounds as if this woman is making a fool of herself because she's having a midlife crisis.

.

sweetsobriquet,

As I understand it, SG is NOT divorced, which IS the operative word here.

If I had a dime for every time a sitch on these boards recovered even when on the "brink" of finalizing a divorce, I'd be richer than Bill Gates.

Exposure for SG's sitch is a valid tool.

We have requested time after time you read and learn the MB principles before offering your not only novice but bad advice to members.

Please seriously consider our request.

God Bless,
Jo

SB,

Get over it!!!

She's owes WW NOTHING. If he wants to expose WW and sorry POS OM for nothing more than kicks and tells the truth in the process then the consequences of said exposure is something both of the waywards brought on themselves. PERIOD!!!!!!!!!!!